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Depressed and want a baby (Page 1)

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I'm not sure where to start...I had a traumatic childhood, and have severed ties with my mother. I feel better for having done that, because it was making me ill having communication with her. I now feel an immense sense of loss, which is made worse by the fact that my body has decided it's 'baby time' and my husband isn't ready. I feel like if we have a child I can start creating my own family instead of hoping that one day my family will become the sort of people I always hoped for - supportive, loving and unconditionally there for me.

I love my husband very much, and our life is great. I live in his country, but I haven't had much luck finding friends here who I really connect with. Most of the time I feel fine and can't believe how lucky I am to have been able to leave my unstable life in Europe, and start again from scratch in America.

Sometimes though, it's like something just trips in my head and I get really emotional. I've been suicidal before, and now at times times thoughts of death still pop into my head. Strangely, I'm quite accepting of the idea if things don't work out, like fate. I just know that if we ever separate I'll kill myself, and if we don't start the family I need, then I won't want to live either.

I haven't had a stable family life since I was 10. My mother and her husband dumped me on my father's doorstep. His wife didn't want me there either, so I got 'passed' back and forth several times until I left home. I know I can be a difficult person to be around sometimes, as I'm really sensitive to any form of rejection. I freak out and cry a lot, then feel embaressed afterwards.

My husband says we can have kids eventually, but I'm 33, and I don't want to risk leaving it too late in case we can't conceive. He's got a good job with benefits, and we rent a 3 bedroom house. He just wants to wait so we can have more time together before we start a family. I understand that, and I'm trying really hard to not put pressure on him, but when all these emotions come over me, I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to really, and feel like I need a mother now more than any time in my life.
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First Helper jean85
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replied December 14th, 2008
hi
i want a baby really bad keep thinking i cant get pregnant i have daughter already from a previous relationship shes 4 now and feel i am ready for a child i keep crying thinking i cant get pregnant for some reason
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replied December 14th, 2008
Experienced User
Re: Depressed and want a baby
jean85 wrote:
I'm not sure where to start...I had a traumatic childhood, and have severed ties with my mother. I feel better for having done that, because it was making me ill having communication with her. I now feel an immense sense of loss, which is made worse by the fact that my body has decided it's 'baby time' and my husband isn't ready. I feel like if we have a child I can start creating my own family instead of hoping that one day my family will become the sort of people I always hoped for - supportive, loving and unconditionally there for me.

I love my husband very much, and our life is great. I live in his country, but I haven't had much luck finding friends here who I really connect with. Most of the time I feel fine and can't believe how lucky I am to have been able to leave my unstable life in Europe, and start again from scratch in America.

Sometimes though, it's like something just trips in my head and I get really emotional. I've been suicidal before, and now at times times thoughts of death still pop into my head. Strangely, I'm quite accepting of the idea if things don't work out, like fate. I just know that if we ever separate I'll kill myself, and if we don't start the family I need, then I won't want to live either.

I haven't had a stable family life since I was 10. My mother and her husband dumped me on my father's doorstep. His wife didn't want me there either, so I got 'passed' back and forth several times until I left home. I know I can be a difficult person to be around sometimes, as I'm really sensitive to any form of rejection. I freak out and cry a lot, then feel embaressed afterwards.

My husband says we can have kids eventually, but I'm 33, and I don't want to risk leaving it too late in case we can't conceive. He's got a good job with benefits, and we rent a 3 bedroom house. He just wants to wait so we can have more time together before we start a family. I understand that, and I'm trying really hard to not put pressure on him, but when all these emotions come over me, I don't know what to do. I don't have anyone to talk to really, and feel like I need a mother now more than any time in my life.



hi jean,
just my opinion, but i can understand your husband's hesitance in wanting you to have a baby right now. if he's thinking of his future child and that child (his or her) life, he wants to make sure that the child has as much of a possibility of having a well-rounded, happy life as possible.

with you talking about suicide, and some of the other thoughts you have, you don't seem "sorted out" enough to be having a child right now. i think you may want to get some counseling to help you with these issues before you think about having children.

my guess is that you probably felt this way before you got married too. you probably thought to yourself, if i can just be married to him, then i'll be ok. well that goal is accomplished, now we are awaiting the next one...if i can just have a baby with him, i'll be ok. what's next? if i could just get this baby out of the picture, we'd be ok? maybe i'm totally wrong here, but i'm all for your husband not allowing you to get pregnant with your current mental state.

i don't mean to be cruel at all. i truly feel for you. i just don't know if your husband has the courage to tell you why he probably doesn't want a child right now, and that's my guess as to why.

i hope this is helpful to you (and not hurtful). please get some counseling. it will help you.
jasmine
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replied August 23rd, 2009
Depression and wanting a baby
I have been told that I have depression, I also long for a baby, I didn't have a great upbringing, I have wanted a baby since I can remember and now everytime I see one or get close to one it makes me want one even more.

Lisa
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replied August 23rd, 2009
Experienced User
Re: hi
Anonymous wrote:
i want a baby really bad keep thinking i cant get pregnant i have daughter already from a previous relationship shes 4 now and feel i am ready for a child i keep crying thinking i cant get pregnant for some reason

Sure you can have a baby, but you know God does say no to us when he knows when we're not ready for something, but give it time and let God work in his own time and when he's ready to give you another child you'll have one.
How old are you? are you older than 25?
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replied September 9th, 2009
I knew someone would bring GOD into this (insert eye roll).
I'm in the same boat you are. I totally understand, but you just have to keep talking about it and keep communication open. Does he say when he wants to have a baby?
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replied September 9th, 2009
Experienced User
Ofcourse i brought God into it, he's the reason we are here, he the reason babies are born, have you ever read the story of hannah?
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replied January 26th, 2012
God is not the reason were here... But I commend people who can trick themselves into believing in things that they've never seen In person, talked to and got an audible reply, or anything else like that... It's kinda like having an imaginary friend...
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replied January 26th, 2012
God is not the reason were here... But I commend people who can trick themselves into believing in things that they've never seen In person, talked to and got an audible reply, or anything else like that... It's kinda like having an imaginary friend...
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replied April 18th, 2010
Husband of a depressed wife...
Speaking as a husband who''s wife is suffering from depression, this is a very difficult situation. I really love and want kid, but I am afraid for there future. How will their Mom deal with the stress of a child when she cannot deal with what I feel as no stress now? How do you have a rational discussion with someone who is irrational. I cannot leave, I do love my wife and want the best for her and us. But, I want her to take some steps toward treatment and thus sustained happiness, not outbusts of glee...
And Yes, God does play a part. You have to believe that there is someone else in your corner, or else I would have given up on her and us a long time ago.
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replied April 18th, 2010
Experienced User
Re: Husband of a depressed wife...
jpino wrote:
Speaking as a husband who''s wife is suffering from depression, this is a very difficult situation. I really love and want kid, but I am afraid for there future. How will their Mom deal with the stress of a child when she cannot deal with what I feel as no stress now? How do you have a rational discussion with someone who is irrational. I cannot leave, I do love my wife and want the best for her and us. But, I want her to take some steps toward treatment and thus sustained happiness, not outbusts of glee...
And Yes, God does play a part. You have to believe that there is someone else in your corner, or else I would have given up on her and us a long time ago.

All i can say is pray to GOD my friend, i will also pray for you.
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replied April 24th, 2010
Did you have a baby? Do you feel better. It''s been 2 years since you posted. I am 42, I went into menopause about a year ago. I have wanted a baby for the last 10 years but my husband wouldn''t hear of it. I kept waiting, at one point he said maybe, but really he meant lets not talk about it now. It has been the first thought on most days, and the last thought everyday. I have lost any faith that I had before, I feel sick when I see children, and can''t even stand to hear about people having babies. Don''t misunderstand, I have a 21 year old son and an 11 year old daughter that I am crazy about, but I can not shake the desire for a larger family. I have asked my husband if he would consider adoption or foster parenting but he gets mad when I bring it up. I feel so sad and so frustrated and so trapped. I understand your feeling, if your husband does not want the family you want and you have no children, find a man who wants the same thing. I wish I had.
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replied April 24th, 2010
Experienced User
If i were your friend, and you weren't married, i'd be more than happy to have a baby with you.

Maybe your husband will change his mind.
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replied September 9th, 2010
WANTING BABY 4
i'm 35 been divorced once. Have 3 children two from prievious relatationships. my husband and i have been friends for over 20 years married 6. when we got married i told him i wanted one more child other than the son we have together and my 2 girls. i grew up always wanting 4 children. now that i turned 35 i have so many feelings of wanting a baby. 3 years ago i brought up wanting to start planning. 3 years ago he said wait. i brought it up again and the words wait came out of his mouth and we are not fiancialy stable. when will anyone be? i myself find myself feeling depressed. i hear of others having babies or watch a movie about women having babies and i have to cry myself to sleep sometimes. i see babies and before i would want to hold them now i walk away. my sister just told us she was preggos a few weeks ago. i am so happy for her. but when i look at my husband i still feel like i'm being deprived of my wishes. i dont want to pressure him into doing this for me. i love him so much and want this to be something we are both happy with. my dream was to plan our pregnancy but now because i love him more than he knows i'm planning on putting my dreams aside even though it hurts me. i guess my dreams don't count. anyhow i know i just rambled on but i started reading all these post and i thought it might help to let my feelings out. since i have no one else to talk with.
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replied October 2nd, 2010
I'm only nineteen and want one so bad. I know my life barely started and having a kid young is bad and it's harder to support a kid off of an hourly wage and that's what is truely stopping me. But ivhave this feeling I want one so bad. I feel my stomachs and feel like... Something is missing. Idk if it's cuz I truely one one or it's because of a past miscarriage. Mh fiancé and I both want one now. Thank god for my common sense though. My future worry is missing being pregnant and go through that depression. Anyone relate? )=
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replied October 14th, 2010
I have suffered 3 miscarriages, I too am depressed and want my first baby. I think it's fine for a woman to want a baby even if they suffer with mental ill health at times. To say otherwise is pure prejudice. It's a natural biological urge for women especially once they get older. However it does have negative effects on the foetus if you suffer with depression or high stress during a pregnancy, and there are lots of concerns about the safety of anti-depressants too in pregnancy. Try high-dose omega 3 for your depression, it's really been effective for me and then you don't have to worry because there are no concerns about taking it in pregnancy, in fact it's highly recommended. Only use a pharmaceutical grade of fish oil, and make sure it has more EPA than DHA in it, take 1-3 grammes per day of the omega-3 in total. No anti-depressants helped me but the omega-3 fish oil has lifted me. Do what you can to get well first, because that is the foundation for a healthy pregnancy. Have you tried yoga, pilates, walking etc, they help a lot. But my advice to everyone who wants to try for a baby is don't leave it too late, because miscarriages occur in 1 in 4 pregnancies, and 1 in 3 when you are over 40. Few people realise how common miscarriages are and how difficult it can be to fall pregnant in your late 30s and 40s. I am tired of hearing how depressed women aren't fit to be a mother, because they don't choose to be depressed and sometimes the depression is secondary to feeling unfulfilled as a woman. Are smokers, drug abusers and alcoholics fit to be mothers? Good luck to you all!
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replied September 29th, 2011
Cloudwatcher's post is helpful - you sound like me. I'm 30, married, and wanting to have a child. I am struggling with feeling guilty and judged for wanting a child because I suffer from depression - I have suffered from depression for over a decade. It pretty much sucks but I've been able to function well and achieve many goals inspite of it. I have learned over the years to manage it - even though I cry regularly and feel down pretty much all the time - I've grown accustomed to it....doesn't that sound "depressing". But honestly, it's becoming all that I know. I don't know what life would feel like now to not be depressed. I still have friends, love my family and I am a good wife, but yeah, pretty much always feel down. Love sleeping. Meds have not worked for me yet, and now that I'm wanting to have a baby, I'm not wanting to try them until after I've had a baby and have finished breast feeding.

Why am I writing this?....because I am want to talk to other people who can affirm my belief that I can be a mother even though I have depression. I believe that I can do it. I just have this stigma inside me - and I think it's come from others too - that says I shouldn't do it - that it would not be fair to my child. Someone recently told me that I should not punish myself for having depression by not letting myself be a mother.

Anyways, any thoughts?
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replied April 19th, 2012
I have depression as well and wanting a child, but am in the same boat as you, people put me down cause of it, that it wouldn't be fair on the child for me to bring it into a depressed life with me, but what I say to that is the same as Cloudwatcher - Are smokers, drug abusers and alcoholics fit to be mothers? you posted in 2011 so you've probably forgot about this or even have a child by now, if so congrats if not keep your chin up.
depressed woman CAN have a child if they want same as anyone else
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replied January 17th, 2012
I am 20 years of age and have been wanting a baby since the age of 16. Currently I am living with my partner of 24 who I adore. I can relate to jean85 massively because I havent been close to the mother at all. I have been brought up with a part time father, a sister who hates me (carbon copy of my mother) and a mother who has a new man in her bed on a weekly basis. Dont get me wrong I have never wanted for nothing but I have never had any emotion off them. I dont talk to my family anymore and in the past year I have been extremely hooked on the idea of having a family of my own. I have bought baby books to read, my other half agreed with it for a bit but shortly told me he wasnt ready so I felt like my hope was took from under me. At my age other people are going on holidays and nights out, I cry and sometimes believe I was never meant to be happy. As soon as my other half agreed to it I felt happy, fantastic in fact and I felt like my life was just starting. I would do anything to not feel so much pain and to be so upset all the time, I really would.
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replied April 6th, 2012
Depression, Anxiety, Pregnancy Jealousy
I am 24 years old and slowly coming to terms with my depression and my anxiety. I have 3 siblings, all of whom suffer from different personality disorders. I've always felt ashamed of my sadness, because I was surrounded by people who were in more pain (or so I thought). When I was 18 years old I nearly lost my life in a motorcycle accident; the extent of my injuries still weigh on me and I know my body will never be the same. I have a stent in my aorta; sometimes I feel like a ticking time bomb and that my future is very uncertain. I want to be a mother more than anything. I worry that my organs were too badly damaged to be able to conceive. I feel an overwhelming sadness when see any child or baby. I feel like I can't even be happy for my own friends who are becoming parents. I am overcome with jealousy. Every day gets harder and harder just knowing that I am not pregnant. I am so thankful to have found this forum and to be able to share my pain with other women who can relate.
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replied April 24th, 2012
All my friends have had these unplanned pregnancies at 18 and are now so happy. I was the first to get pregnant for a guy I barely knew (now my fiance) we decided abortion because we were young stupid and scared of our parents. Now 3 years later all my friends have happy adorable toddlers and even tho they had rough patches it's nothing like the depression I put myself thru thinkin I made the easy choice. Now I'm engaged and fiance who absolutely loves children and can't wait to have them.. Can definitely wait another 3 years. I went thru this feeling that I wanted a baby to make up for the one we killed.. But now I simply want one because I'm older and our life is more together. He is my best friend and we talk everything thru together but this is something he wants to wait on.. Although would be totally happy if I was to get pregnant and that drive me crazy the most. It's like he doesn't wanna actually be responsible for making that decision but if it magically (we use the pull out method) happened he would be happy. -_- I know I should be patient.. But it drives me crazy sometimes
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replied September 12th, 2012
Im only 16 but i've been through alot since i was 7 years old, i have post traumatic stress disorder and depression, i also long for a baby but ive been trying for 2 years and not yet conceived. my mum had problems getting pregnant and now i'm stressing myself out even more thinking i can't have kids. i'm only young, and yes people think im mad to want a baby. but i have nothing to call my own, nothing to love or nothing to love me back, and thats the reason why i want a baby. i always think about killing myself, and attempted to kill myself a few times, the doctors wont do nothing till im atleast 18. but does anyone no what i could do, any tests i can do to see if i can actually get pregnant?
any help would be great Smile
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replied January 10th, 2013
Take multivitamin regularly, Share your problems with your family, Avoid alcohol, caffeine and other stimulants....
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