I'm not sure what the question is, here, other than generally what do I do? Maybe I just need to talk about it, I'm not sure. I do know something has to change.

So, I'm 21 years old, 6 months pregnant, the father is 24. Im going to school and working part time, while looking for an additional part tome job. Surprisingly, work and school are my rocks, but I've been having trouble concentrating and performing. The ex and I met a few years ago, been off and on. He's most of the source for the depression, as he made many big promises like providing emotional support and a promising future, only to end the relationship, saying things that imply he's regretful of the situation in full.

He still shows up to each appointment, no matter the state of our relationship, though. I get the sense he wants to be there for our daughter, if not for me.

He goes out on the nights he doesn't have his other daughter to get messed up with friends, and he's still living with his parents, too. I broke up with him for the second time when he started making suicidal remarks about drunk driving and talking up decisions he called stupid. Mind you, he was dead sober at the time! When I try to be there for him, though, he belittles me or pushes me away.

The whole situation has me emotional because it wasn't but 3 days before he told me he was lucky to have me as the mother of his child, that I am one of the best people he'd ever met. Then, saying I ruin his life every day 3 days later.

Also emotional because for some reason I really fell for him, and I want to stay together for the child. I mean, is it crazy to think we could make it work? Not crazy, definitely unrealistic though, but i believe our problems lie more so within ourselves than each other.

I've decided for the second time during pregnancy that I'm better off alone, but it gets rough. My parents are both in bad shape with their health, and I have zero friendships in the most literal sense (they say pregnancy can do that to friendships). So, I am basically my own main support system. Honestly, I don't think I'm doing very well with it.

I lie in bee a lot, which isn't my usual style, and I sleep a lot but in short spells. I can hardly focus, and I've been having suicidal thoughts myself (that I would never act upon) and serious thoughts about adoption.

On top of the shallow concerns lie even deeper ones: financial security, managing my stress levels, finding the right resources, getting out of my parents. I constantly worry about things like: will I be in labor by myself? Am I sleeping enough? Just generally, will it be good enough? I am enrolling in CBT classes on the 20th, and I plan on attending Mommy groups to maybe make some new friends. However, I can't shake the feeling of dread and extreme lonliness. I am excited to be a mother, and those maternal thoughts keep me afloat. I am not ashamed, though, to admit I need help.

I'm not sure where to go from here. I'm ready to make changes, but I feel tiny compared to them.
I've sort of strayed so far from "the" path that I'm not sure how to find it again.
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replied December 18th, 2016
Extremely eHealthy
StayPos, you seem caught up in a situation not of your making, and a person who has the potential of making something of herself. Please think seriously of losing the guy and going the adoption route. You may be able to find an open adoption which will give you a link to the child long term. Stay positive, you can do it!
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