Hello, I'm new to this forum and not very good at explaining my emotions or really anything about myself, but I thought I'd give this a shot since I don't know what else to do at this point.

For a long time now (close to 15 years) I've been dealing with depression. At this point in my life, depression has being my normal state of being. At times it isn't as bad and at other times it gets much worse, but there is never a time where I feel good about anything. The best I get is okay or content. A lot of my depression these days comes I guess from a feeling of loneliness. I don't have many friends, I don't know how to make friends, I can't even talk to people. Nobody ever approaches me to talk and nobody ever seems to want to be around me. I know I am a negative person and that doesn't help things, but I don't think I come off as negative all the time. I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting around at school and someone else is in the room with me, but I can't talk to them. I don't know what to say, and when I somehow am able to speak, it is usually just one sentence, which is replied to and then the conversation is finished because I can't think of anything else to say. I'm also 26 years old and still a virgin. I've never even had a girlfriend.

I've been going to therapy for as long as this has been going on, but nothing has helped. I know that it is my fault that this is the case, as anything my therapist suggests, I am unable to get myself to put the suggestion into action. Pretty much all of the suggestions involve going out to places where I can meet and talk to people, and just the idea of that scares me. Anytime I am in a situation where i'm around people I don't know I get very anxious and nervous. This is how it has been all my life.

I've also been on a few different medications, none of which I felt had any effect on my depression. Therapy helps me feel slightly better because I am able to get out everything that i'm feeling, but in between sessions (I was going weekly but because of school I don't have much time or money, so making an appointment is a lot harder) things come crashing down and I feel overwhelmed to the point where I just need to talk to anyone.

I am absolutely terrified that this will never get better. I'm lost, and afraid that I will never be able to help myself. I've never been more scared in my life,and it gets worse and worse everyday. I just don't know what to do.
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replied September 2nd, 2018
'The best I get is okay or content'

That is great.

All other types of emotion like happy, sad, love, anger come and go.
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replied September 25th, 2018
Hope you are getting by well
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Tags: Depression
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