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Death obsession, hopelessness, anxiety...

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Until last Christmas, I was a perfectly normal young person, an ambitious, positive student. Then all of a sudden, I bursted into tears during lunch. I didn't feel like myself anymore. "Who am I? What's the point? Why do I live if we're all gonna die in the end?" Those scary thoughts just came into my mind and have remained ever since. Anxiety, depression and the feeling of hopelessness took over my life, and brought in nausea and weakness as well. My biggest fear is non-existence, i.e. disappearing after death forever. Ever since I've dug through NDE testimonials, parapsychology, the Bible, you name it, but it didn't ease my fears at all. And those fears are basically everything that my brain processes at the moment. I sometimes forget about them for a short while, but due to a constant feeling of derealization and misery, they come back very soon, stopping me from enjoying anything, I just think of being dead.


I was taking zithromax at the time it happened, but I was told that it couldn't cause those symptoms. I did a blood test which turned out to be in order, and I ruled out thyroid and glucose problems. I was told that vitamin B deficiency could be the cause, so I started taking B complex. It was a little better at first, but then my condition worsened again, so I increased the dosage of B12 to 100 mcg/day.


My doctor won't even listen to what I have to say - she is convinced that I went insane and wants to send me to a psychiatrist who would load me with meds and tell me to smile. It's hard to find a good mental counselor who really works with his patients in these areas, nobody seems to care.


Yet, I'm growing desperate. I have a feeling like I'll never feel happy again, all I can think of is death. I don't want to kill myself and "face my fear" - I don't see suicide as a solution, but I can't think of living like this, every day seems like a nightmare. Some advice, please?? sad2
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replied February 4th, 2011
dude sometimes when bad things happens in your life u can never really get over it..in my case i was the same as you..then i found Xanax..it just keeps the bad thoughts out of my head and helps me chill..i was on about 6 ssri'meds and they all made me feel goofy in my head..i know u dont like taking meds but some times yull never be happy by yourself..so now im stuck on xanax..and when i run out of them i feel just like u do..panic attacks,stress all that..doctors are just gona put you on something or tell u to talk to some dum ass that dont no what hes talkin about..so i think u should do i yourself..ill take a perocet if im feelin down and my body hurts..but the meds that docs give u mess u up in your head..there worse!
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replied February 4th, 2011
I'm sorry to hear that you've got similar problems. I've heard of Xanax - never tried it though. You're right, I don't like meds, but if this stuff continues, I'll have to consider them.

If you want to share your story, feel free to PM me.
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replied February 4th, 2011
I am going through the same exact problem as yourself and dont know what to do about it as well. Do you think its just the anxiety causing it or is there depression in there as well? I got mine for no apparent reaon. It started when i left for college and has only escalated from there.
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replied February 5th, 2011
I have no doubt what caused my problem - that horrible medicine called zithromax. I've heard many people who have very similar, if not the same symptoms, and it can't be a coincidence that they took the same medicine. Depression is the main symptom, anxiety occurred later.
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replied February 5th, 2011
What are you doing about it? Did you just stop the medicine cold turkey? I'm on pristiq which is an snri but I'm not sure if that's causing my problem or not.
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replied February 5th, 2011
Well, the symptoms began after I took the last (third) pill anyway. I'm not taking any medicine at the moment, except B complex and probiotics. But I do that because I know that the cause of my problem is physical - since death never affected me before, when I'm fine I don't fear death. Your problem was obviously caused by something else, so I suggest seeing a psychiatrist, and spirituality - if you're religious, that is.
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replied February 8th, 2011
âspam�Iâspam�m gunna dieâspam is no way to live man, do something that will preoccupy your mind maybeshopping. haha
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replied April 2nd, 2011
same problem
I've been going through almost exactly the same thing. I'm also a college student, had a very happy life then BAM!, a week ago I started having the same obsessive anxiety and depression inducing thoughts. Since then I've been obsessing over it all and it's been pretty hellish. What's the point of life if there's death? What's the point of existence? Looking at people, either characters on tv shows or even my girlfriend, the same thought pops into my head that "they will die". I've been rationalizing it with NDE experiences and the intellectual realization that there's purpose to life and death, but I still have the same fearful and obsessive thoughts pop up into my head.

I was taking Trazodone, an antipsychotic, for insomnia. I'm not sure if that was what caused it, but I'm not really blaming it. Still, I quit it just to be safe. I'm going to see my therapist on Monday and address this head on. I'll either see my psychiatrist if my therapist and I agree that I need something to help with the anxiety and depression. Medication can be pretty terrible, but the truth is you need it sometimes. I'm also going to see a counselor who's religious, talk with him about it. I know it's an irrational problem (i think a fear of death is normal, but not to interrupt your entire life) and I need to deal with it. I'm really glad that others have the same problem that are out there, it makes me feel less alone.
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replied August 21st, 2011
guys! the problem dosent lie with the meds', its just the thought that everybody is mortal, and one day its just gonna end. i went through the same thing, one day i just was thinking like i usually do in bed, then i the thought of the end popped into my mind, HOLY COW. it hit me like a brick wall man. i just felt utterly pointless. i lay there in a state of depression for a few nights, then on like the third i couldent take it anymore so i got up, looked up death online, and got a few MISC hits about some movie or other stuff. i thought well, nobody can help me, so i thought to myself, this is all that i have. i gonna die. and i cant stop it. and after i do there is nothingness. THE ABSENCE OF THOUGHT. that was my biggest problem.
then i realized. here ive been sitting around all weekend with my head in my pillow, doing nothing! ive only about a 20,000-50,000 days left, so it it just ridiculous to waste even an ounce of time thinking about the end. time is ticking down man, so youd just be killing youself slowly thinking about that heavy stuff. so im a little over 16 now and i need to start now because im not going to be young forver! so i started really enjoying everyday scince then. i can literally taste the opportunity in every moment. and it tastes good Smile if life is like a leg of turkey at thanksgiving, you should suck the MARROW out of it, not just nibble at the skin. and if your vegan... Well your just messed man Smile good luck!
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replied January 31st, 2012
Somebody please help me!!! I started havin anxity attacks ten years ago.then they stopd. Then they came back full strong. Now i stay in anxiety attacks all day long. I feel heart palptations,fast heart beats,and feel like im goin to pass out threw out te whole day. Shortness of breath and tension headaches all day because im under so much stress from these attacks . I am addicted to my heart, feeling my pulse and just knowing that im dien. Im a single mom of a two yr ol and fifteen yr old. I got to be normal again. Please someone tell me that this is what other people feel. Can anxiety last all day with the heart systoms or is something really wrong with.
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replied February 3rd, 2012
I have the same kind of thing going on. I watched a programme about the world ending right at the beginning of this year then the following days and nights I just wasn't myself and felt like I never would be again.

I found I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate, if I could of I wouldn't of even got out of bed in the mornings, then I had some important things to sort and I gradually forget about it and felt like I came to terms with it..

Until today, people around me was talking about what might happen etc and I instantly felt extremely anxious and stressed and couldn't be in the room no longer, I felt sick my heart was racing and I keep constantly thinking and imaging what could happen, it makes me feel down, I don't want to talk to people, I just feel like crying but that isn't going to solve my problems. Even if I get distracted it doesn't take long for them thoughts to come back.

Since the day I saw that programme every slightest thing has effected me. I understand I have no control over it, for some reason that doesn't make a difference. The thought of non-existence, death, after death, something happening to my family and my boyfriend and basically the unknown really scares me. Part of me feels like I don't want to be here but just like someone else said I feel suicide is not an option.

I feel I need to talk to someone for help but I won't tell anyone I know as I feel a bit embarrassed. It hasn't effected anyone close to me but looking on the internet i'm surprised how many people are actually going through what I am. I have not taken any medication for anxiety, depression or anything else i'm suffering right now. Any help or advice from someone that is going through the same thing would be great.
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Thanks for your patience!

replied December 31st, 2012
RE: Scary thoughts, anxiety, hopelessness, fear.
Dark thoughts are NORMAL. But when people with anxiety have dark or scary thoughts, they focus on them and give them meaning, and the thoughts take on a life of their own. The "What if . . . ." monster comes to life, and your brain gets caught in a spiral of panic. What does it mean that I'm having these thoughts?! Doe it mean I'm suicidal?! What if I'm like this forever?! The truth is, when anxiety is controlled, the dark and scary thoughts disappear. That's why Xanax helps. But, this is not a mental problem. It's a behavioral problem. An error in thinking pattern. A distortion of cognition. Change your thoughts, change your life. Google "Learned Optimism." Google "Thought distortion." Google "Pure-O." You will feel better!!!
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