Do you think conseluing works?
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Hello,
Me and my husband have been married for 2 years, and we eloped at a very young age. I found out when we were dating that he cheated on me. But, being in a abusive household I just wanted out, and marriage seemed like a good way out. Along the way of the marriage I have noticed that he is not who I thought he was.
He turned out to be verbally abusive,selfish, and etc. I will never forget the day he choked me while my newborn baby was in my hands.Ill admit it though I can also be verbally abusive it was what my mother taught me. I also thought it was ok to hit my husband from time to time. Now I realized it is not. Since then I have refrained from it.
How can I allow such a selfish man to raise my child? I remember when I was in labor with my daughter who is 4 months, he was talking about how he was hungry or how he had been in the hospital for his removal of appendix. Right after I delivered her he literally asked the nurse for blankets so he could sleep,I couldn't believe it. My mother got mad because he got upset to tell the nurse to put the heat on for our baby. My mom saw that is the way he will forever be with our baby.
It has gotten to the point where everyday we fight. I just can't take it. I also am worried that he will cheat and I could god forbid get aids. He mentioned today "how he should cheat on me a lot now."
I was wondering if I should get counseling and what are the benefits?
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replied August 13th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
Counsellors are a mixed bag with many of them being overpaid inexperienced liberal soft-shells. A good counsellor with whom you have a good rapport or connection can provide benefits by providing an unthreatening environment in which you can talk freely and empty your head. The counsellor will prompt you to explain things a different way to provoke thought so you end up recognising more precisely the problems that concern you and ultimately solve them yourself.

A counsellor cannot solve your problems for you or tell you what action to take. A counsellor's capacity to give advice and opinions are limited and if you have a counsellor you don't quickly develop a rapport with it is a waste of time and money.

You certainly need the support of a counsellor or some good friends just now. I suggest you explore ways of getting as far away from him as possible as soon as you can.

Good luck!
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replied August 15th, 2013
I feel that councelors have to understand culture and life style backgrounds.
I can't understand how a person that comes from a good home where the parents buy cars for the kids when they graduate, pay for collage or even have successful marriages, like Grandma and Grandpa are still married and so can give advise to someone who comes from a bad line; father and mother are hispanic raised in LA and Texas, were in gangs in the 50's and did drugs/alcohol, beat the hell out of each other...can understand how I feel about my marriage and the stuff I put up with. Divorce is too easy and most folks split at the drop of a hat. When is enough, enough? No violence, just a lot of crap.
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replied August 16th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
Your comments about counsellors needing to understand the culture of those they are supposed to be helping also apply to social workers, police officers, local authority officials and a great many others who work in wider communities.

Too often the education and qualifications needed to get such jobs are only possible because of a privileged background when the work itself needs the personal experience of violence, hunger, insular or closed communities because of religion or nationality and so forth.

I agree divorce is too easy but in a world where marriage should be the most important contract a person ever puts a signature to in an entire lifetime but no education or training is given in how to fulfil the terms of the contract it is sometimes a good thing divorce is easy.

Certainly there is a strong case for school curricula to contain much more about interpersonal relations, manners, honourable behaviour, ethics and morals. Given that school should be more about creating good people who are going to be good citizens than about turning out ready-made employees it is surprising the authorities remain focused on academic standards rather than life skills.

What surprises me even more is how community and business are ever eager to trust people who have proved they aren't to be trusted with one type of contract with other types of contract.

In some cases it would be a good thing if there was a return to a more community oriented approach to marriage where a man who beat his wife for no particular reason would be beaten by his neighbours, for instance.
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