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Could my husband be gay or bisexual? Had an Arranged Marriage

Hi,
I am an Indian girl, 27, married for a year, hubby is 31, four years elder to me. I had an arranged marriage, I knew that husband lived & worked in Singapore, I live in India. I had spoken to my husband a few times before marriage on the phone or Skype, & met him a few times before marriage.
After marriage, husband only wanted to have sex some two times a week, mostly on weekends, there were a few weeks when he wanted sex just once a week.
After marriage I moved to Singapore, & his parents too came to settle us in for three weeks. While his parents were around we barely had any sex, although they had their separate room & we had complete privacy in our room.
Husband would come back from work around 6.45 to 7.30 but would mostly not have any sex, he'd want to go watch a movie, eat out or even if we had dinner at home, he'd go to sleep in front of the TV, he claimed this is what he'd done in his bachelor days.He also claims that his friends too only have sex during the weekends, but his friends have been married for 4+ years & most are home only during the weekends as they're Consultants.We have a three bedroom condo with complete privacy.
Right after marriage my husband told me that it was very essential I find some proper job in Singapore as he wants to do a full time MBA & would try for INSEAD Singapore or American B Schools & be off to USA for two years & he wanted to come back to Singapore & job hunt on my Dependent Pass. I was shocked to hear this, as before marriage, husband & family had given us the impression that they're very against long distance relationships & also cancelled a girl's alliance who wanted a long distance relationship for just a year for job reasons.
He tried for INSEAD for the September 2014 batch & was rejected, he's now reapplying to INSEAD for the January 2015 batch & wants to apply to other US B Schools as well.
My husband is very particular about his appearance, he has a lot of products like different face & body washes, perfumes etc (one of his friends' wives used to tease him that he has more products than he does), he's got a hair weaving done in Singapore as he was balding, he checks out his hair in the mirror all the time. I've sometimes felt by some of his mannerisms & his smile that its a bit unmanly but then he's very narrow shouldered & lanky panky so I can't be sure.
He is also facing career stagnation & no pay rise for two years in Singapore-his friends in Singapore make 2.5 times what he does(they also work much harder btw), he's obsessed with living in Singapore, his application for PR has been rejected thrice-could his lack of interest in sex & writing MBA applications etc be due to stress & peer pressure or due to gay/bi/asexual tendencies?
Btw, I'm considered very beautiful by most people, my husband also said that he married me because he considers me so pretty & to the best of my knowledge, he doesn't have any past relationships(neither do I btw).
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replied April 5th, 2014
Extremely eHealthy
Hello Sharanya,

Your husband is clearly stricken with an amount of vanity that due to aggressive advertising is becoming more fashionable throughout the world. Cosmetic companies desperate for increased sales have tried to generate them by creating a completely new market among men and to some extent have succeeded.

The use of male cosmetic products might be testament to your husband's gullibility and surplus cash as well as his vanity but that alone is unlikely to indicate any homosexual tendencies.

Everyone is bisexual to some extent and it is possible your husband is more connected with his feminine side than many men...

At 31 a man who is in a settled relationship typically will desire sex between one and three times per week, depending on various variables including how often his partner wants it and how often she succeeds in arousing him, the amount of sexual chemistry between them, whether it is a close, intimate and loving relationship, the lifestyle of the couple, the general level of physical fitness, the amount of leisure time available and habit.

Your description does make him sound as though he has been married several years, is not as physically fit as he should be and perhaps has a lower testosterone level than some men.
This sort of thing is perhaps typical of the arranged marriage where initially at least there is no love and little lust and people get married to satisfy family or cultural requirements.
Such things as sharing the intimacy of the bathroom and perhaps bathing together driven by love and desire for each other and the chance to arouse each other sexually far more than the usual unstimulated appetite are likely to be denied the arranged couple.

Considering these things I expect your husband's appetite is relatively normal. If you desire more sex you should make your feelings known to him; It is not much of a marriage at this early stage if he will not be agreeable to compromise. He is under contract to you just as much as you are under contract to him.

I strongly suspect his career has stagnated because his personality and lifestyle has stagnated and he is lacking in energy. Careers aren't handed out on platters to the un-energetic and you haven't described an energetic man who takes every chance to study, to exercise, to network with colleagues or to pursue a variety of interests and hobbies.
I strongly suspect your husband has found his level but hasn't realised it yet. It would be foolish for him to pursue high goals unless he is adequately fitted for such lofty positions.

You are obviously both lacking in relationship experience and not sure what is normal. It is clear he is rather in a rut and you are somewhat surprised to find marriage isn't what you was expecting. I feel if you aren't satisfied you must assert yourself more before you join your husband in his rut.

Some very heterosexual men do appear somewhat effeminate so you should not allow his unmanly mannerisms to colour your thinking.

I hope I have covered the major points of your question. If you would like to discuss anything at greater length please come back.
Good luck!
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