Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

Comorbidity & relationship sabotage

I am on the brink of divorce with my wife of three years. I knew when we were married that she had dealt with the loss of a parent at a young age & later dealt with eating disorders & alcoholism. This all happened years before we met & while I saw a little bit of unusual jealousy & some social hesitation with others, I was unprepared for what took place after we were married.

In the months that followed, we slowly stopped doing the activities we enjoyed & could no longer eat out at restaurants do to her eating restrictions, various skin issues, and obvious depression. She was constantly jealous, checking my e-mail & phone, and barring me from associating with single buddies or going to any bar she deemed as having you single women...even though I have never given her the most remote reason not to trust me. I have always paid for everything in our relationship, even at great sacrifice & she shows no appreciation whatsoever. After consistently trying to address her depressed moods & erratic behavior in a kind way (always met with irrational anger & denial) she left me after an obviously staged argument.

Since that time, it came out in therapy that she was diagnosed with BP at age 10 on lithium for several year (she says that was now misdiagnosed by a professional), it also came out that she battles with OCD in a note she once left me. She now is supported by her mother.

Unfortunately, she will not admit to anything in normal conversation, but occasional depression & paints me out as a judgmental monster. She refuses to take medication & goes to therapists, but will not talk about it & seems to be playing the system? Has anyone been through this that can offer any advice? She says she is sad that we could not work things out, but completely dismisses an accountability.
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First Helper callig
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replied August 9th, 2011
This sounds exactly like my ex. When we got together he told me he suffered from bipolar, and 3 years ago had depression and was on medication, but had been doing well and was now off the medication and generally happy.

However our relationship was riddled with jealousy, controlling-ness, and paranoia on his part. I had to give up all my male friends. He didn't seem to have close relationships of his own, I never met a single friend of his. He got aggressive when I tried to break up with him, and would emotionally blackmail and threaten me. He would have fits of rage accusing me of cheating. When I got upset and genuinely was scared he would hurt me, he would do a 180 and be incredibly apologetic. When he wasn't on a down, he was on a manic high, buying me flowers, showing me with gifts and texts and emails saying how much he loved me. He treated me like a queen. Now we have broken up, not only does he not speak to me and has stopped contact all together (over a space of a week he went from normal to completely not caring), he can't take any responsibility for hurting me, he lies continually and even when I find out directly, he still denies it, he has not once said sorry. I have had no closure. Just a partner shutting down on me, cheating on me, lying to me, and then cutting me out of their life. I would never go there again with a bipolar person.
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replied August 10th, 2011
Experienced User
I had exactly the same, I could have written the last lines of your post. He left me saying he would hurt me, and promptly found another woman,so how come he is not going to hurt her. He said she is nothing serious and continues emailing me and sending beautiful emails showing he cares for me and im important in his life, I completely stopped contact with him in any shape or form.
His behaviour is erraric and bizarre, ups and downs of complete adoration and complete ignoring me and saying things like 'i dont want anything to do with you'
I also had no closure, there was no reason why he left me and got himself involved with another person and still wont let me go properly. He is a huge mess.
He also lies and has no responsability for hurting me, for saying and doing all he did to make me believe we would live together and giving up on all our dreams of moving together and travelling, of spending our lives togeter, like a flip of a switch he just went and was gone, no phone calls, cold attitude, still writting emails to me though, sending things peraphs to make sure he would have me to fall back on if needed.
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