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Chronic epididymitis - Guilt and shame over possible cause

I've posted before that I was diagnosed with chronic epididymitis. It's generally just moderate now but sitting down can really make it ache and I can't do running. A good day is when I wake up with no or very little pain and can walk around without limping.

When I first had this problem there was swelling and agonising pain, this came and went for a couple of months, then settled down to being minor, then after a long car ride it was agony for a couple of months. I mean agony, like just stepping off a cub onto the road would be an agonising jolt, just doing up shoelaces was a killer. I had to basically do nothing for three months and now I'm getting about mostly ok but I haven't worked because my job is demanding physically.

I was given loads of antibiotics at the time and I'm sure there is no infection. I have had some anti-depressants to help recently if it is nerve pain. I can feel the epididymis is spongy and slightly bigger on the painful side and the ultrasound just showed cysts. When I handle it it doesn't really hurt but the pain comes on slow when sitting, eventually becoming too much to handle and I have get up.

I need to see my urologist again and we agree to escalate it and see if the anti-depressants helped. I'd get the testicle removed now if I could so I can go back to normal, this has been a kind of hell I can't explain. He is talking about denerviation as an option so we'll have to see. I think the Urologist suspected I was depressed (which I was because of the pain back last year) and so is suspicious of the cause being organic, I think he very slightly thinks I am a malinger too.

Ok I am wracked with guilt about this but it's possible I caused some minor trauma to myself which got worse with exercise or something and 'caused' this in the first place. I never told any Doctor or urologist about this because I was too embarrassed as it is a auto-erotic perversion I used to engage in. Back then I'd rather have died than admit this to anyone and I hoped the ultrasounds I had would reveal if there was trauma but they just showed cysts. I think I need to come clean to my Urologist but I'm not sure I can handle the shame. I feel bad about this, real bad. This last 18 months has been the worst of my life and I have thought about death quite a bit although I think the worst is behind me. Thanks.
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replied April 12th, 2013
I'm also experiencing chronic bilateral epididimis
I have changed my diet to a raw diet only fruits and veges and
It has helped alot ESP lemons and ginger tea
I was very depressed and still am on some days
Please be strong man I was on bed rest also 3 months
And drs thought I was crazy
We're going to get threw this
Remember at least we have all 4 limbs and other
Things people don't have
I think it's up to you if you want to come clean its not going to
Change the treatment options thou
Some urologists have a hard time relating like everyone
Else start reading inspiring books and mediate etc
Be strong brother
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replied April 26th, 2013
Thanks. I don't think I'm properly depressed now but I'm certainly not in a good mood about it and have some bad days. I've done three months of Amitriptyline to see if it will help with the chronic pain but it's really no good. I had quite a few days recently where it is 'manageable', but it's 'manageable' in the sense I can't run, have to sleep in certain positions, can't sit for that long. On bad days I can only sit for about 20 mins and it keeps me awake in really bad pain, can't concentrate etc. When I start thinking about this going on for the rest on my life it SCARES ME terribly.

I'm seeing another Urologist in June. The pain in the right is just episodic really and never incapacitating more annoying. The left is where it feels like my soul is being raped. I'm gonna lay it out to the Urologist how bad it is because I'm generally the type to downplay stuff and not be assertive, and I need to overcome that. I can't go on like this permanently.
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replied April 28th, 2013
MAJOR BREAK THROUGH three days ago - saw a pelvic floor specialist - she like a massage therapist that find muscle tension in groin, near rectum etc...

anyhow she found some trigger points that was causing a whole bunch of my pain - I cant relax down there due to stress and and constant needing to pee and I must have worn out muscles - only one treatment - strerching and icing non stop for last two days and I have like a 70% reduction in pain!!! lot of my constant pee issues are spasmy muscles!!! - my tight muscles around prostate are so much more relaxed now - feel so much better

ironically, I had been trying to relax there all week before I saw her and it was hurting more - she siad that's cuz when we finally start to release tension, we start to feel the pain as nerves are still sensitive ...i dunno the jargon - I do know you ALL need to go and see a pelvic floor specialist - the epi pain is so much better!!!!!

also may be related to a cream I have been using for several days - anti-fungal...i think two in conjunction have helped so so much1!!

PLease do yourself a favor - I will be back with some research and results one way or another!!! trust me there is hope after 15 years of prost pain and UTI and 2 years of epi - feel better today then on LONG time

so excited...hope it lasts
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replied April 21st, 2013
Hello friend....

I just found this site - currently experiencing some major pain in my right epi - excruciating pain right now...I too share your grief. I am currently overwhelmed, scared, and sometimes I feel alot guilt / shame because in my previous lifestyle - which I knew was wrong - I used a lot of drugs / had a lot if unsafe sex - and I knew at the time what I was doing was def. not God's will in my life. I could have stopped but chose to enjoy myself even though I knew it was wrong...well I am aching right now and feel I have no one to blame but myself....I am quite depressed as well.....

something needs to give. I will overcome this somehow - hang in there please.....

I know we are all welcome to forgiveness - if you feel you have done wrong.... I know I have. Nonetheless, I know I am forgiven and there has to be some way to overcome this.....

Take care
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replied September 28th, 2015
Please update us. How are you feeling now? How you cured it?
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