Medical Questions > Mental Health > Self Injury Forum

Cant stop, even when im not depressed...

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ever since i was 14.. and i tried cutting myself once just to see what the whole big deal was about. and i seriously thought it was so stupid and the most ridiculous thing anyone could do.

then my parents went through an ugly divorce. my 1st boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere and i ended up getting strung along for a year later.. during all of that stuff i slowly started up again.. little cat scratched they looked like and never that often. then whenever i got my hands on bottles of pills i would take a few more then the recommended doses. then as more time went on i took more, up to at one time triple the recommended dose.. i was cutting every day deeper then before.. once i carved letters into my leg with a pair of scissors...then i got caught and it scared me so much having my family know so i stopped everything on the spot.

but it slowly came back, even though i was happy with my current boyfriend. i started taking just alittle more the the recomended dose for pills again. and then after almost a year of being clean i started to cut again.

now its all i think about 24/7 all i want to do is cut myself, i dont even enjoy it.. but i just cant stop thinking about it and once i just get it over with the feeling is gone..

when im driving all i think about how fast i would have to go to hit that tree in order for it to kill me. i always speed dangerously fast on deserted back roads becuase i dont care if anything happens. at parties if anything is offered to me i just dont care and will do it without thinking. when i drink i drink nearly every time to the point where i pass out or puke.. i know im harming my body but i just cant stop.. i dont want to die but i just keep doing things that harm myself. and i cant stop thinking of ways to kill myself. like what would be easier,faster, less painfull.. ect..

im afraid one of these days it all might catch up with me and something might happen..but i just cant stop.
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replied May 8th, 2011
Self harm
Cuting and all other forms of self harm are addictions! People need to understand it's hard to stop and without seeking professional help it's even harder.
How old are you now?
Has it gotten any better?
If you want to stop without professional help it is possible but you need somebody you can trust a close friend that won't tell everybody a paster or a long distance friend like on this site or through E-mail.
You need to try to find out why you feel the need to inflict pain on yourself of take the pills.
If the urges get worse please tell somebody too many good people suffer in silence from self harm and nobody knows until it's too late. I know what your going through and I'd be glad to help if your interested.
~Ally
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replied May 8th, 2011
Cuting and all other forms of self harm are addictions! People need to understand it's hard to stop and without seeking professional help it's even harder.
How old are you now?
Has it gotten any better?
If you want to stop without professional help it is possible but you need somebody you can trust a close friend that won't tell everybody a paster or a long distance friend like on this site or through E-mail.
You need to try to find out why you feel the need to inflict pain on yourself of take the pills.
If the urges get worse please tell somebody too many good people suffer in silence from self harm and nobody knows until it's too late. I know what your going through and I'd be glad to help if your interested.
~Ally
|
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replied May 8th, 2011
Im 18 soon to be 19, and it hasnt gotten any better if any thing worse, i did have a period of time where i stipped for awhile but like 6 months ago it started up again , i am trying to stop now. thats why i decided to write on this site. thanks for the support =]
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replied May 9th, 2011
It's a coping mechanism and to the people around us it's not normal or acceptable. Hiding it is hard not really physically but mentally being paranoid somebody will see and find out everything. I used to cut and it helped at first but it started not being enough and I hit myself hard. I punchmyself and walls counter tops anything and I pick up objects around me and hit myself often in the face the bruises are there yet nobody really sees and it is hard to stop I know. I stopped too but things happen and we fall into old habits. Does anybody around you know that at this point you are cutting?
~Ally
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replied May 9th, 2011
it is hard to stop. idk why i dont even get any enjoyment what-so-ever out of it.. i used to hit myself in the leg alot too or punch things to split my knuckles open, or grab the hot end of the straightening iron... only two people around me.. my bf and my friend of which he told. i want to stop n so far i havent done anything in bout a week now so yea im trying.. but ive stopped before for over a year but it came back again =/
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replied May 10th, 2011
Its great that you've stopped what made you able to stop? As for getting enjoyment out of it do you mean like it doesn't help in making you feel better or literally enjoyment?
~Ally
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replied May 11th, 2011
Im not sure. i kinda had a breakdown along the lines of "look at what ive now become" so i just stopped. idk for how long but hopefully for good... and yea it was getting to the point where it didnt make me feel any better but it was still the 1st thing i wanted to do.
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replied May 11th, 2011
I understand. It's good you've stopped and I hope you've stopped for good as well. Nobody deserves to go through any of this.
~Ally
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replied June 5th, 2011
Experienced User
i have you on facebook now, will reply, sorry about the slow replies and sorry to see this Sad
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