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can't talk to parents about being gay

I'm 16 years old. I have never felt really close to my parents and I barely talk to them anymore. They know nothing about my life because I won't tell them anything. I'm gay, and they don't know. I came out to my friends a few months back and it made me happier because I felt I could be myself more, but not around my parents, i'm constantly acting in my own home. I went out with a guy, who made me happy. I scared myself because I totally fell for him quickly. He made me feel like I was looked after, like he cared for me and I was weak and stupid with him. Ofcourse he went and broke my heart, I didn't understand why and never stopped thinking about him. He continued to screw around with my feelings and I finally went out with him again, but didn't trust him, he broke up with me for a second time and I found out he'd cheated on me. My parents don't know about any of this. My mum has noticed that I seemed down, and I had to lie. She now thinks i'm anorexic because i've lost weight. I hate my ex for what he did, and could never trust or take him back, but still can't stop thinking about him. But why? I still visit his facebook even though I deleted him as a friend, and everytime I do my heart is broken again after seeing he's still going out with the other guy. My friends tell me off if I ever talk about him, none of them know I still feel this way for him. They all have their problems, and i've always stood by them, listened to them, let them talk and understood them. I fake my smile, pretend i'm fine so they can tell me their problems and try to help them. But nobody asks how I am. Nobody will let me explain that I don't want to feel this way anymore. I hate everything about it. I feel like I can't talk to my parents about it not just because i'm gay but because i'm 16. Even I think it sounds stupid for a 16 year old to claim he's been in love. Most people would say he's 'confused'. Maybe I am, but I feel like there is nobody else, and that i'll never feel that way about anyone ever again. I'm sick of it, and I want it to end. I have attempted to cut my wrists, didn't work, thankfully. I've lost control and become paraletic. I just want to stop feeling like this. I annoy myself that I do, and that I am rambling on now, so i'll wrap up my little complaint here!
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replied May 21st, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I am so sorry you are dealing with a broken heart on your own! I know that at 16 you can fall in love. It is not unusual to have your hear broken and to lament over the former boyfriend for awhile. This is not exclusive to your young age but that does play into it to a degree.

I don't know what to tell you about coming out with your parents. That is a difficult situation. You don't have open communication with them now. You will do this when you feel you are able to. Is there any possibility that you could talk to your mom? She does seem concerned about you and she does care, probably more than you know. If you shut her out then she has no way of reaching out to you. Think about finding ways to open up to her.

I wish I could tell you more. You sound like a normal, heart broken teen. Whether straight or gay, the emotional aspect of a break up is the same. You need to give this time. You will be able to move past the thoughts of him and dwelling on him in time. It just takes time. You need to tell your friends that you need to talk about this. You feel lonely when they shut you out and won't listen.

Feel free to post again. There is a forum for gay relationships. Perhaps that forum would offer some support to you. I wish you all the best. Teen years are difficult so just remember most teens go through what you are going through. Hugs.
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Users who thank antigone for this post: Georgia59 

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replied May 21st, 2008
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I'm gonna copy this over there- not only could you get some advice about the relationship, but also how to deal with your parents... Good luck!
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Users who thank Georgia59 for this post: homerx 

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replied May 23rd, 2008
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Hi, J2108.

I'm Zak. I'm gay too.

You know, sometimes our parents can surprise us with how they react to what we tell them. It's hard to gage a response when it involves you personally and not someone else. They might seem a bit homphobic (are your parents homophobic or somehow against homosexuality? I don't recall reading it in your post) towards other people who are gay, but when it comes to their flesh and blood, they could have an entirely different outlook.

It could go the other way as well. They could be ashamed... or disappointed. But if they truly, truly love you, they will accept it. Coming out of the closet is a huge test of unconditional love. You find out who truly loves you!

As for your feelings for this guy. I believe that 16 year olds can fall in love. My brother was 16 when he fell in love and he's still dating the same girl over a year later. I don't doubt he loves his girlfriend wholeheartedly.

Unfortunately having a broken heart is a stark reality for the vast majority of people. I've had a broken heart, and many of your friends will or have had broken hearts. It's a fact of life. It may seem like a really really negative thing right now, especially with the toll it's taking on you, but I assure you... time heals. Once you're over this guy, you'll realise how tough you are. And, believe it or not, if you happen to go through a broken heart again, it's much easier to deal with because you know you can weather it.

So take comfort in knowing that what you're going through right now is actually a great preparation for the fantastic future you have ahead. You'll really realise your true strength.

Work on telling your family. You don't have to now, especially with what you're going through, but give it some serious thought. No matter what the outcome may be, it will be very liberating for you!

Feel free to private message me if you feel like chatting about anything else!

Be well
-Zak
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Users who thank marvel for this post: homerx  Georgia59  user3466 

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replied May 23rd, 2008
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antigone wrote:
I am so sorry you are dealing with a broken heart on your own! I know that at 16 you can fall in love. It is not unusual to have your hear broken and to lament over the former boyfriend for awhile. This is not exclusive to your young age but that does play into it to a degree.

I don't know what to tell you about coming out with your parents. That is a difficult situation. You don't have open communication with them now. You will do this when you feel you are able to. Is there any possibility that you could talk to your mom? She does seem concerned about you and she does care, probably more than you know. If you shut her out then she has no way of reaching out to you. Think about finding ways to open up to her.

I wish I could tell you more. You sound like a normal, heart broken teen. Whether straight or gay, the emotional aspect of a break up is the same. You need to give this time. You will be able to move past the thoughts of him and dwelling on him in time. It just takes time. You need to tell your friends that you need to talk about this. You feel lonely when they shut you out and won't listen.

Feel free to post again. There is a forum for gay relationships. Perhaps that forum would offer some support to you. I wish you all the best. Teen years are difficult so just remember most teens go through what you are going through. Hugs.
this is the GLBT Relationship forum....and kid, your OK...don't worry. Your parents will find out one day and they will either freak out and get over it or they will not freak out and be OK with it or they will not handle it well and that is gonna be there problem. You be you. Be true to yourself. Gay is good! It aint nothin' to be ashamed of so hold your head up! voices You R not alone...gay people are everywhere...and I mean everywhere...1 out of 10 people are gay so find your tribe and feel the love...its great when you get to the point where you can really be free to be you. Good Luck and keep in touch...
Peace,Love and Pride,
Homer respect voices 2thumbs wave
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Users who thank homerx for this post: Georgia59 

replied May 23rd, 2008
Experienced User
Your parents would feel better hearing it from you than someone else. If your friends know, there is a good chance your parent will hear it from someone else. My brother was gay, we knew, he just never told us until he tested positive for HIV in 1986. He then told us in 1991. I know how hard it is. We had time (years) to realize the signs that he was gay, none of us pryed or openly talked about it until he was ready to tell us in 1991. Every family is different, some accept it/some do not. It is very hard to give advice not knowing your family and how they will react, but again, if other people know, your family should hear it from you. Good Luck!
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Users who thank eeyore46 for this post: homerx 

replied May 25th, 2008
As GBLTs, we face much criticism from a world that is based on preconceptions, restrictions, and cruelty. I'm a transgender, and, trust me, I know what it's like to hide yourself, your true identity from your parents. It's like lying every minute of every second of every day, but you must be strong. It was very hard for me to come out to my parents, and today, I was told that I would not receive any financial backing from a father who believes that I am destroying myself. I was yelled at by an uncle who said that I am doing the most disrespectful thing he has ever seen. However, once I came out to my friends and family, I found great support; more people loved me for me than not. It may be hard, but you have to come out one day. If a parent says that he or she loves you for you, that your special and unique, he or she should stay true to that through thick and thin.

Good luck...^^
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Users who thank user118349 for this post: homerx  marvel 

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replied May 27th, 2008
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forsakenhope wrote:
As GBLTs, we face much criticism from a world that is based on preconceptions, restrictions, and cruelty. I'm a transgender, and, trust me, I know what it's like to hide yourself, your true identity from your parents. It's like lying every minute of every second of every day, but you must be strong. It was very hard for me to come out to my parents, and today, I was told that I would not receive any financial backing from a father who believes that I am destroying myself. I was yelled at by an uncle who said that I am doing the most disrespectful thing he has ever seen. However, once I came out to my friends and family, I found great support; more people loved me for me than not. It may be hard, but you have to come out one day. If a parent says that he or she loves you for you, that your special and unique, he or she should stay true to that through thick and thin.

Good luck...^^
AMEN! You rock! Maybe if you get out of ..where R U ??? Kansas? Is there any way you can move to a large city..I find cities to be so much more tolerant of GLBT folk..I live in a small town now but would give my left arm to be back in San Fransisco Confused I miss it a lot..i am sorry your father and uncle are being hateful to you...R they brothers? That would figure, intolerance often runs in families and intolerance for trans people is rampant in most all families...its sad..so stay strong,forsakenhope...your a great person and your family should feel lucky to have you as a part of them, I would.
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replied May 27th, 2008
^^
Thanks so much for the compliment. I hardly get those anymore lol. San Francisco sounds nice, better than here I suppose. 9=

Once again, thanks homerx
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Users who thank user118349 for this post: homerx  homerx 

replied May 28th, 2008
Experienced User
At your age, it is hard to move to a larger city. I know you would miss your family, but it would be a relief to know you are with people you can relate to. If your parent's make you leave, and you live in Texas, Austin is a nice place to settle. Try and make peace with your family first - give it some time before making any decisions. Remember, you are only 16 and your parents will be overwhelmened at first.
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Users who thank eeyore46 for this post: homerx 

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replied May 28th, 2008
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I was 16 when mine found out...they didn't like it at all. And I always had a feeling that they knew but they didn't.
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replied May 28th, 2008
Experienced User
omg - poor you.. there is a lot of support out there for ya mate. so don't fret and certainly don't resort to cutting your wrists. your friends kno your gay so confide in one of them alternatively get a 'fag hag' and get out there man!!!

020 8399 6676 (is the number for samaritans helpline - i've called them b4)

don't stress. your parents will find out when you are ready to tell em. you need parental support so maybe tell em. a parents love is UNCONDITIONAL so they will accept it whatever. they will ultimately want you to be happy within yourself. they are missing years of your life where they can be close to you (you are missing this too)

PM anyone who has posted on this forum and they will help you. do not feel suicide is the option. you are important. part of the divine spark and as individual and beautiful as god intended. feel the love of this forum

you r not alone.

x
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Users who thank user3466 for this post: homerx 

replied May 28th, 2008
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not *human* hag... the forum blocked the actual word - you know the score ;] its a girl shes your friend thats it tc x
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replied May 28th, 2008
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Unifier wrote:
not *human* hag... the forum blocked the actual word - you know the score ;] its a girl shes your friend thats it tc x
Laughing Laughing Laughing yeah, I tried to write f*g once and it did the same to me...the word don't bother me but whatever... Cool
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replied May 30th, 2008
Experienced User
I hear you on the parents thing - I'm 30, have my own apartment an hour and a half away from them, and they don't really know that I'm gay, just yet... I'm sure they have their suspicions, since I haven't really had any girlfriends before.

I am still trying to build up my own strength to come out to those around me. However, I can tell it is going to be hard. Plus, with everything currently going on around me, I don't have the emotional stamina to do so.

And with the broken heart, I was there - I dated a guy for a few weeks when I first moved into my apartment, and we dated 4 times. In the end, I called him to see if he wanted to hang out one Saturday night, left him a voicemail to call me and let me know whats going on... and he never called back. We saw each other recently, as I was driving by him while he was working (works at the college down the street from me), and to see him looking at me nearly made me want to break down. That night when I realized I got stood up, and things weren't going to happen, I was crushed. I still crush after him a bit here and there, but I'm now dating a guy that is 100x better than the first one.

The point is, you will find someone to make you happy, and not play games with you. Sadly enough, it seems that those who choose to date / find love always get the short end of the stick when it comes to guys / girls that play games, cheat, etc. There are so few of us in this world that make it known that the games are not tolerated, and because of that, it's hard to find love. It comes and goes, just be wary of when it presents itself to you.

But if you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me. I usually check in at least once a day Very Happy
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Users who thank JYoungBear for this post: homerx 

replied February 20th, 2010
Im 16 and im BI and i havent told my mom that im a bi because surprise she told me once that she doesnt like people who are bi so i can understand ur feelings. U just dont know what to tell ur parents
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replied February 21st, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
I think I replied to you in another thread but in case not; worry less about telling your parents. Understanding your sexual preference will not better enable them to parent you correctly. The advice they give you about love and sex will be equally important regardless of which gender you apply it to. Confronting them with a sexual preferrence they're not prepared to accept only serves to create friction in the house you have to live in. When you move out on your own and there are less complicated consequences to being who you are feel free to have the sex talk with your parents, until then you can afford to wait until they grow up a little more.
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replied February 25th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
You would need support group to deal with this problem.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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