Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Can't seem to get over it...

Hello,

My girlfriend and I recently broke up and I have never felt so low. We lived together, so now I am living alone for the first time in a very long time and that is proving to be way harder than I thought it would be. I can't stop thinking about her, no matter how hard I try. I know that it's over for good, so there's no chance of getting back together. I've run into her a few times and she seems happier than I've ever seen her, while I am going through the absolute worst period in my life. I have a strong feeling she's seeing someone else already.

After almost two years of seeing her and speaking with her every single day, we now never speak...except for the few times I've seen her. That is one of the hardest parts of this. To make matter worse, I alienated a lot of my friends while in my relationship so I don't have a lot of people to talk to about it. I feel as though my world is crashing down. Before this happened, I hadn't cried since I was probably 15 years old (I'm now 30). Now, I feel constantly on the verge of tears. I can't focus and even just going to work has become difficult for me. I don't know how to handle this, I've never felt like this before. I've almost always been a happy person until now. I can't find joy in anything...even my favorite activities. I'm not sleeping well and I have no appetite. I'm starting to become very scared that I won't be able to get through this. I would love to meet someone else if even just to take my mind off of her, but the thought of dating again right now just makes me more sad because I don't think I can ever find someone who is more right for me than she was. My self esteem is so low. My symptoms seem to be the textbook example of clinical depression...yet I've never felt like this until this happened. Can a breakup lead someone to become clinically depressed??

I'm hoping there's people out there who have made it through something like this, or are going through it right now, and can offer some encouraging words or advise. I honestly don't know what to do. It is so overwhelming that words can't describe the way I'm feeling and I'm very scared that I won't be able to climb out of this hole I'm in. Please help...
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replied September 18th, 2008
can't seem to get over it
Sounds to me you are truly suffering, begin to think ahead, put one foot in front of the other. I too am dealing with a broken heart and regret breaking up but don't have the nerve to contact him. Obsessing doesn't help, replaying in your head won't change things. all you can do is trust that time will heal. and try to count your blessings, all the things you do have on your own. you must think positively everyday, you may be suffering from an adjustment disorder which have the symptoms of depression. give it six months and then see how you feel. my heart goes out to you.
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replied September 22nd, 2008
yes it hurts like hell... time will help...
I am a 30 year-old woman who has recently gone through hell (my story: http://ehealthforum.com/health/military-ma n-relationship-t150854.html) but i felt similarly to you. I know what you mean by feeling like crying all the time and finding it difficult to work. This forum has helped me - it was encouraging to know so many people cared for me even though they were total strangers. I am at my low again, my pain is still there, but just like you there is no going back... i believe i can get over him and so can you forget your ex and move on, there are women who will appreciate you for who you are and you will find your other half. I know it sounds trivial at the moment, but give it some time... in the meantime try to concentrate on yourself, think about and do things that keep you occupied, keep you busy and give you satisfaction... it's not going to be easy, you will have to make lots of small steps to be on the right track again, but you CAN and you WILL do it... good luck!
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replied October 4th, 2008
Well, it's been a few weeks since I first posted my story so I thought I would give a quick update...

Things are a tad better already. I'm still sad of course, but I'm starting to sleep better and my appetite has returned (thank God for that, that was arguably the worst symptom). Although I miss my ex very much, I'm starting to think more clearly and remember the reasons that caused us not to work out. At first, I couldn't do this. It seemed that there was NOTHING I didn't love about her and that she was perfect. This is not at all the case and it helps a little to be able to realize that when I was in the relationship, there were things that made me unhappy. So, I believe that strides are being taken.

I've also realized one of the reasons that I've been so sad about it has little to do with my ex. It's on my life in general. Since a lot of my friends were mutual friends with the ex, I don't see them anymore, and since I didn't see some of my old friends while with the ex, they've since developed strong relationships with their significant others or gotten married or moved away. So, unfortunately I'm in a situation where I need to find a whole new social circle. This is not easy to do, especially when you're sad and not quite feeling like yourself. But if I were to be able to do this, I know it would make me feel much better and keep me busy, not to mention allow me to meet new women. So I will try to make that my focus.

One problem I'm having is that I still have to see my ex from time to time as we work at the same bar. I've seen her three times since the break up, and each time it sets me back, mostly because she looks great and seems very happy. That in turn makes me sad, and mad. Why should she be so happy when I'm so sad?! I've considered quitting the job since it is just a second job for me b/c I know that would help me to heal quicker if I had zero contact with her. But the money really helps me out, plus I sort of think why should I alter my life b/c of this person? I don't really want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I'm upset about her or miss her, since she clearly does not seem to miss me one bit.

So I still have issues to work through, but as I stated, progress is slowly being made which is a huge relief. Thank you There Again and Gorgeous for your kind words and encouragements. They were helpful for me to read. I hope you both are dealing well with what you're going through as well!!
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Users who thank In an Abyss for this post: Gorgeous78 

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replied October 4th, 2008
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
Hi there again, I am so glad you yourself can see the difference and admit that things are getting better - yes, I know it's slow and painful but at the same time I am sure you agree with me that it is very satisfying to know you can do that. I have had a few bad days recently as my b'day is coming and subconsciously I feel bad that i am alone and haven't achieved in my life much, no family, no man, no child and so on - although i know such thinking is ridiculous. I do miss my ex, even though he turned out to be a cruel selfish man and I know he will never find another woman who will love him the way i did. But it doesn't help so I try hard not to think that much about him, in fact i tri not to think full stop.
anyway, this time i would like to THANK YOU 'cos your story fo recovery gives me a sort of light in the tunnel Smile))

good luck again and i hope next time you write it's going to be a positive story to make us smile Smile
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Users who thank Gorgeous78 for this post: In an Abyss 

replied October 4th, 2008
Thank you Gorgeous! I just wanted to say that you sound like an amazing person and I hope you don't really believe that not having a man or a child means you haven't achieved anything. For what it's worth, I can tell just by the way you write that you are a kind and intelligent woman who has much to offer, and women like that are hard to find! So I'll keep my head up high if you will too! Smile Thanks again for your reply. I helps so much to know that we are not alone during these hard times. And happy early birthday as well!
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Users who thank In an Abyss for this post: Gorgeous78 

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replied October 4th, 2008
LET'S MAKE A DEAL :)
OK, you know what? Let's make a deal - I will move on with my life and find happiness if you do the same Very Happy
Keep me posted LOL
Thanks for everything Smile))
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replied October 4th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
hey, throw yourself back out there, call those friends back up and apologize, I respect a person who owns up their mistakes, sometimes your friendships get even stronger.

Suffering abit of a down is normal after any break up, the best cure, is enjoying, your time, find a new interest or course that you never thought you would and head off into it full blast.

Smile, think of the good memories, not of the missed ones!!

Good luck!
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replied October 15th, 2008
diamondsz wrote:
hey, throw yourself back out there, call those friends back up and apologize, I respect a person who owns up their mistakes, sometimes your friendships get even stronger.

Suffering abit of a down is normal after any break up, the best cure, is enjoying, your time, find a new interest or course that you never thought you would and head off into it full blast.

Smile, think of the good memories, not of the missed ones!!

Good luck!



I have to agree with you - Call your old friends back up. The people that are your true friends will understand what you went through, and try to help you through it. On the other side of the coin, some of your old friends can't/won't understand, and the friendship will be lost. That's life though, right?

I wish I had words of wisdom that would fix everything, and to make you smile. I don't, but just know that (eventually) it will get better, and you'll find someone to go through life with. Keep your chin up, okay?
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replied October 15th, 2008
diamondsz wrote:
hey, throw yourself back out there, call those friends back up and apologize, I respect a person who owns up their mistakes, sometimes your friendships get even stronger.

Suffering abit of a down is normal after any break up, the best cure, is enjoying, your time, find a new interest or course that you never thought you would and head off into it full blast.

Smile, think of the good memories, not of the missed ones!!

Good luck!



I have to agree with diamondsz. Go call your friends. Your real friends will understand and will welcome you back into the circle with open arms. If you really feel you need to find a new social circle, go for it. It's hard (I'm still trying to find friends in SC), but sometimes a completely fresh start is what a person may need. I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you that would fix everything... I'm sure you'll find someone who deserves the love your heart is clearly cappable of (which is more than most people can give), and will love you the same.
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replied November 5th, 2008
Crawling out of the Hole of Depression
Abyss,

At the risk of oversimplifying your situation... EVERYTHING IS PROPORTIONAL TO ITS ANTITHESIS.

What I mean by that is that IF you love someone so intensely that the two of you walk into a room and everyone else gets "frisky" too... Then the

1. HATE
2. DEPRESSION

will be equally intense...

NOW... you take this formula and distribute it over time and you've got A few weeks of murderous hate or suicidal depression and you are READY TO MOVE ON BECAUSE the cycle is now complete.

the cycle is NOW complete.

YOU SAY: "I'm very scared that I won't be able to climb out of this hole I'm in. Please help..."

You my friend... are looking in the wrong direction... Forget trying to get OUT of the hole... WORK ON FULLY DEEPLY IMMERSING yourself in your depression. CRY, YELL, SCREAM, BREAK SOMETHING (cheap but time consuming to replace).

REALIZE that the amount of depression you will experience is DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL over a variable of time to the LOVE you had. Close the cycle by letting the whole cycle fully play out so you can move on.
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