I'm 21 years old and just got out of a long relationship with my girlfriend. We dated for a year and a half, 2 years on and off. Two months ago we decided to end our relationship amicably, but that backfired... miserably. We both go to the same college, but she is studying abroad in Spain this semester and I am staying in Milwaukee for an internship. While I loved her a lot, I just saw this as a natural break point in our relationship. We were a textbook case of opposites attract. Although we disagreed on matters of taste, life goals, values, etc. we always found a compromise. The little stuff never mattered and we rarely fought, if ever. She was always there for me and I was always there for her. The relationship was full of love and great times, there was never a bad moment until the end.

In the last hour of our last day together she hopped on Facebook, and for some reason I was still logged in. At that moment a conversation I had with a friend popped up and she read it. This conversation was between a close platonic girl friend of mine about my frustrations with my girlfriend in our relationship. In the conversation I bad mouthed her pretty bad, and basically said I didn't understand why I didn't break up with her sooner. Understandably my girlfriend was devastated and she cried profusely. She told me to never see or talk to me again, to delete her number from my phone, remove myself from her life completely, to forget the last two years ever existed, to forget we ever fell in love. She said she hoped I would be happier with my friend than I was with her and she no longer respected me. The guilt I felt at that moment and still feel is nearly oppressive. I had worked so hard to make our final months together conflict free and end on good terms, but all of it was blasted away by a click of a mouse.

If I was in her position I would have certainly reacted the same way. I can't say I blame her for how she dealt with it, she didn't deserve any of that. Knowing you betrayed the person you love the most is a pretty shitty feeling. Up until that final day I had done everything a great boyfriend was supposed to do. I was always respectful, treated her well, took her out, was romantic, made her feel appreciated, and most importantly I loved her with all my heart. She just had the unfortunate luck of reading an honest conversation that was supposed to remain between two people. Looking back however we were really never a good match. While we loved each other a lot, love was all we had in common. We did not relate on a lot of other levels and this what made me want to break up with her when she went to Spain. In the end I am mourning a doomed relationship, but it still hurts.

Since then I've been doing all the things people say you should do when you are newly single. I've concentrated on school, hit the gym hard, meet new people, and draw on friends and family for support. All that is fine and dandy, but it still does not ease the heart break like I anticipated. I am doing better after some time but the memories of our relationship replay constantly in my head, both good and bad. If it is a pleasant memory of us at dinner, or hanging out downtown, etc. it is immediately followed by the shitstorm of our last day. Just the opposite is true, whenever I think about the end my mind drifts towards better days and I am reminded of how well we meshed. Let me stress I DO NOT want to get back with her, however I just want to find some peace. I've honored her request to not contact her except to mail a heartfelt written apology. If anyone can offer advice on how to help get rid of this guilt and move on with my life, or any advice at all I would greatly appreciate it. I understand this is a long post, so if you read it thank you for your time.


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