Medical Questions > Mental Health > Eating Disorders Forum

Bulimia affecting marriage (Page 1)

Here we go,

Im a 23 year old male who has been suffering from Bulimia for almost 2 years now. And I feel like Im at my wits end. Im a full time student and work as well. Im married to the love of my life. Ive been with this woman for 6 years now, and we just recently got married the past July 4th. Well tonight, everything kinda came to a climax of horrible events. My wife and I had gone out for a glass of wine and we came back home, and I was struggling with my eating "urges" as I call them. You know, just laying in bed, fighting to just have a peaceful night and wake up the next morning without a binge/purge episode. Well she wanted to have sex and of course my mind and concentration is on my thoughts, so I push her away. And thats all it took. All this time of her being there by my side as I put her through this hellish lifestyle, and now she's gone. Ive never felt so lonely and regretful in my life. I really am out of answers, solutions. I need help, and I want the old me back. The old eccentric person that I am. I want to be the husband my wife needs me to be. I want to raise the family we both want. I want all these things, but yet I've put my love for myself before her, I've been putting her second, and I can now see that. After tonight I feel I can see all I've done wrong, but it might be too little too late. I just needed to vent these feelings. Im lonely and scared and could use any words of advice or encouragement.

Thanks. Rolling Eyes
Did you find this post helpful?
|
Users who thank JHizzl for this post: Sam555 

replied September 8th, 2008
If anyone is on right now, hit me up. I really could use a good conversation or two right about now. THAnks

: D
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 8th, 2008
*hugs* i know your going through a rough time right now. but at least you realise what is happening and now you can work to fix it
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 8th, 2008
Ya, I just hope my wife is willing to give me another go around. I really want what is best for her, but I really want to prove to her and myself that I am still the same guy she fell in love with. I want her to know I am the husband she wants me to be. I just pray to God that my pleas are not too little too late. The night has been a long one for me, but I need to sleep, even though deep down I just want to stay up all night as if I wouldnt have to face tommorw. I have a full day of class tommorw, and all I want to do is stay up and be waiting at my wifes work to show her I love her. Let her know I care, let her know she wont be downplayed by my ED Anymore. I just feel so terrible for putting someone who loves me so much, and for I love tremendously through this nasty, horrible, deflied dispostion. Each night she would just sit there and act like nothing was wrong. Talk to me and keep me occupied while I repeadtly ate cereal/cookies/ice cream whatever, and made trips to the bathroom. All those nights and wasted times I wish I could take back, but know I never can. I just want to make everything alright.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 8th, 2008
i really wish i knew what to tell you. but its obvious how much you love her and im sure she sees that. but you need to focus on getting better so that then she really will be first on your list
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied September 8th, 2008
Oh my gosh, your situation sounds so familiar to me- I have been with my husband for nearly 6 years, and we've been living with this hell and all the medical problems (and BILLS!) it's incurred. I would love to stay in touch with you, so please don't hesitate to pm me. Don't give up, and know that you'll have a friend in me. /hugs Let's talk.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 8th, 2008
Whoa, that was refreshing!
I'm so glad to find a place where you can post your deep most feelings and conflicts and be able to find positive feed-back and uplifting statements to get threw these rough times.

As a quick update, my wife came home this morning before going to work (she went and stayed with her sister last night) and we really go to talk things out. I believe last night happened for a reason: It was my last wake up call before I lose the love of my life. It's time to start putting my obsessions for working out/food in the back seat, and my school/love for my wife in the front! I'm going to take a new approach to these compulsive thoughts today: Every time an urge or obsessive thought pretrudes into my mind, instead of trying to fight the urge head on (which is usually a losing situation for me, I end up convincing myself its a rational thing to do - binge/purge) and start thinking about the task at hand. Whether its my wife and what SHE needs, or what needs to be done in school. I know it won't be easy to force these the thoughts to the back of my head, but it's time for me to be productive. My wife and I are both young, full of live/potential and have our whole lives ahead of us, and I'll be damned to let this inhibit any of that ANYMORE.

If there's anyone who is struggling similar to me, and want's to take a strong stand against an ED, come stand with me. Post under me words of encouragement, or PM me. Whatever, let's do this. I can do it, we can do it.

Have a blessed day everybody!

rainbow
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 8th, 2008
I am so proud of you! it really sounds like you have/are getting your life in order! If you need anything feel free to PM me, i am always here for you. and i agree with lapetitemoi you will always have a friend in me.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 8th, 2008
You've been added to my contact list as well thefunone. Same goes for you too, if you ever need someone to confide in, Im here.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 16th, 2008
ive been bulimic a long time but have managed .
i stay busy with life ,workthe 3 kids and husband give them all my love and attention and if i have a space in between the bulimia sneaks in and goes away as fast as it got in.i guess i got it ! it dont got me no more like it used to.
for oh so long ,i wish i could get rid of it someday forever perhaps
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 17th, 2009
Keep working on it
I just stumbled upon this message and I know what you are going through. Its not something you can get sorted out on your own as its damn hard thing to do. There are deep seated issues with ED. My wife has been bulimic and anorexic for many years and she is suffering. I have never given up on her, although it can be testing at times.. My strongest advice is to see a therpist on a regular basis. Start off with intensive therapy of around 3 times per week. A trained therapist can help you identify those issues and work with you to deal with each of them. You cannot cure your self on your own. It takes time, possibly years. I plead with you not to give up and bring along your wife to these sessions. She will understand you a lot more and be there for you..... Good luck and keep strong....
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 25th, 2009
BULIMIC AND MARRIED TO A COP
I am bulimic since about ten years. i told my husband as we were dating over five years ago. now we have been married for five years and we have a great marriage. my husband is a great man and work very hard so he can provide us with everything possible. we don't have kids, but we'll like to have just one in the future.

the other night i had a huge urge to vomit so bad after dinner, he realized so and talk to me out of not going to the bathroom and vomit what we just shared over dinner. my husband is a cop, he is good at talking people out of bad situations. my husband got me into bed and calm me down as i cry for wanting to vomit my food. i told him that it was bothering me inside and it was hurting me; and he in a calm tone of voice said: it hurts because it need to be talked about and maybe with a help of a therapist it can help you or help me to help you to throw it all up in words, and added: something is bothering you inside and we need to deal with it with the help of a therapist. he continue touching my hair softly until i fall asleep. in the morning, as we were having breakfast he asked me how i was feeling and stated that it was time for me to start to see a therapist, i ask him if he could come with me and he said that of course he will be there by my side all the step of the way. he also assure that he may not be able to agree in everything i wanted implying throwing up, but he will give me tough love if that is necessary for me to overcome my eating disorder. i think that he has done yesterday by not letting me approach the bathroom and redirect me to our bed.

i like to have my husband aware that i suffer from bulimia, because he is a great deal of help as is, i will start seeing a therapist as soon as next week and he will come to every session with me to support me all the way, but i am scare about that tough love.

thank you for letting me express my throughts.

a bulimic cop's wife
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 29th, 2009
I've been bulimic for 4 years now. I am 26 and i am spiraling out of control. I was engaged a year ago and ended that. I can't keep a job because I make myself so sick from binging and purging. I was had so much going for me and now I feel alone and out of control. If anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear:)
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 29th, 2009
Community Volunteer
Yes stop....Consider the fact that your teeth will rot and that you probably will end up with a heart murmer...Now add the fact that you could choke on what you are trying to bring back up....Add to this that the bile in your stomach that is rotting your teeth is this strong...I could go on with this but why?...You either stop it or you don't...

Look at it this way, are you a lot thinner?....The answer is NO....Do you feel better about yourself?....Again NO....It is simply a comfort that you enjoy for a few minutes until you puke again....Take one day at a time and if you have to one hour at a time...Mark off the calendar in trying to find yourself...Eat good foods...Count your calories...But stop....

Caroline
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 29th, 2011
clearly you have never dealt with anything like this. You're coming across as a bit of a jerk Caroline. why on earth are you even on this site. Have you ever heard of being sensitive to people. Geez. It's like talking to an alcoholic and being like 'just stop drinking! what's wrong with you? are you happy? no!' it's not that simple.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 10th, 2009
Dear linzz023,

It is a very scary feeling when you feel out of control. I suffered from Bulimia for 10 years, and am now in recovery for 19 years. I almost lost my job and I did lose my husband. The 10 years that I suffered behind closed doors was when I was age 19-30. It took me that long to finally hit bottom, and say I can't take it anymore. I proceeded to call a local ED clinic to get information, and went from there. I was outpatient for about 5 months, and then had to go in-patient at a treatment facility for 1 month, and I have been in recovery ever since, no relapses. Seeking and going through treatment was the best thing I had ever done. A whole new world opened up to me. I got my life back.

I guess my thought for you is to not wait, and research local ED clinics or groups in your area and start getting information and connecting with a professional who can guide and help you with what will be best for you.

When you take that first step even though it is scarier than sh*&^, the elephant that is sitting on your shoulders right now will decide he would rather go sit in the shade somewhere, and your life, hopes, dreams, can be there for you to begin reaching for again.

I am now a mother of a 9 1/2 and 7 year old, and soon to be a young 50, married to a great husband.

There is light and hope beyond where you are at right now, you just need to take the first step. You can do it!!!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied February 5th, 2010
Struggles in Marriage b/c of ED
Wow, I'm so glad a came across all of these posts. I've been struggling with eating disorders for years now. I've went through many cycles, sometimes bulemic-binging and purging, sometimes anorexic-controlling everything that i eat, and compulsive work-outs-feeling addicted to cardio and the need to be at the gym or to run. I was married almost 9 months ago and this struggle in my life has caused many problems in our marriage. Thoughts of food, excercise, and fear consume my mind often times. My weight fluctuates weekly it seems. Sometimes I get too skinny to where I feel uncomfortable and scared for myself, and then two weeks later i could not even fit into my jeans anymore b/c i've gained weight. it really sucks and it steals my peace, love, and intimacy with my husband. I don't give him the love and attention that he deserves. It's definately challenging. But i've been blessed to have a Godly husband who listens to and supports me continually. I am able to be open and honest with him about my struggles. Although i do know that it gets draining on him as well as our relationship. I'm continually praying for freedom in these areas of my life and i know that God has the power to set me free so I'm putting my faith in Him and continually learning how to be an overcomer and to walk in Victory.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 2nd, 2010
I am really happy I came across these posts as well. I am married, and I got married about two and a half years ago. I have a two-year-old daughter. I did not tell my husband that I have an eating disorder until well after we were married. I am 26. I read these posts and they spoke to me. It is so hard to exist in this world without understanding. I've been bulimic for as long as I can remember. It affects my teeth, my health, and more importantly, my relationships. I love my family, but this seems to take control of me when nothing else does. My husband knows about my bulimia, only after he confronted me about it. My best friend is a food addict, and he guessed my problem. It is the hardest thing. I do see a therapist, but as you all probably know, we still struggle despite the fact we have sought help. It is draining, and all I want to do is regain "control" and make it stop. Sometimes I feel so alone in the way I feel. My husband does not understand me and what I go through, and he often tries to guilt-trip me into stopping. He tells me I'm beautiful, and thin, and there is no need to binge and purge. Obviously, this is not what it is about, and I truly think he is saying those things because he believes bulimia is about me being beautiful. This is not the case. I love people with flaws. I have MANY. I have a compulsion. I can't stop. I feel for all of you because this has made me lose control of my home life and has affect performance at my job. I love both and all I want to do is keep it together for them. I feel all the time that my husband wants to leave, but feels guilty because the reason he wants to leave is because I deal with this disease. I don't want my daughter to EVER realize what I have. I feel stuck, and afraid. I've come to realize that he doesn't understand. And, I really don't want him to ever know what I go through, and I don't want him to suffer because I am. How do I fix this? How do I inflict pain on someone to help me heal? I would rather do it alone than to have to justify myself to someone who fundamentally does not understand how I think and how I act? I feel that letting him go, and letting him be happy, is the best thing for him. Yet, he will not go, which makes me feel guilty. Any suggestions? I keep a great face on for my daughter, and I think I'm a great mother. No one in my family knows, and I'd like it to stay that way. All I want to do is make sure I'm there for my beautiful daughter for as long as possible.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 25th, 2010
I have been married for 13 years with 3 beautiful children. I have been bulimic for 21 years. I didn't think that it had any major effect on our marriage because my husband neglected to tell me that it was killing him on the inside to see me bulimic. So now I am 39 and getting a divorce. I didn't see it coming, I was not prepared and we loved each other more than anything. Don't fool yourselves...not only does ED kill the person it kills the family around it too!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied August 25th, 2010
I have been married for 13 years with 3 beautiful children. I have been bulimic for 21 years. I didn't think that it had any major effect on our marriage because my husband neglected to tell me that it was killing him on the inside to see me bulimic. So now I am 39 and getting a divorce. I didn't see it coming, I was not prepared and we loved each other more than anything. Don't fool yourselves...not only does ED kill the person it kills the family around it too!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied January 25th, 2011
Husband who has wife with bulimia
Hi is there still using this post? I could use some advice on how to help her as it is now causing extreme stress on our marriage.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied September 29th, 2011
Yes, I just started using this post. I understand completely that this could be a huge stress on marriage. I am a wife with bulimia. I know how much hurt this has caused my husband. Spazzius, I think that the best thing you can do is frequently ask your wife how she's doing. Every night ask her how her day went with food. She may get agitated or irritated, but she will appreciate that you care about her enough to ask. This is one thing that I have asked my husband (on occasion, when I am in a particularly bad pattern) to ask me. And you know what? sometimes (more often than not) he doesn't ask me. and I don't tell him. It hurts me that he doesn't ask because it makes me feel as though he doesn't care. But then when he does ask I get ashamed, embarrassed, and sometimes irrationally angry. (do you see the bad cycle, here?) Another good thing you can do is not blame her. Don't make her feel guilty. Believe me, she already feels incredibly guilty and you adding to her guilt will actually make matters worse. I know this is a strain on the relationship, believe me, I do... I'm in the situation right now.
Continue to encourage her, ask her what you can do to help, ask her how her day is going (face to face) and continue to encourage her to seek help...
We're kind of in the stage where my husband is really encouraging me daily to seek help, and today, for the first time in a long time I have been researching treatment methods. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. Be patient, and please realize that she does not want to hurt you, she hates herself for lying to you, and she wants this to end (likely) as much or more than you do.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
12
Must Read
Anorexia nervosa is one of several eating disorders. But what is anorexia exactly and who does it affect? Get anorexia basics and facts in this short intro....
Although doctors don't the exact causes of anorexia, there are a few factors that put certain people at risk of developing the condition. Click here for more....
What are the most common signs of anorexia? We list the physical and behavioral symptoms of anorexia here and outline when to seek help....