So here is the deal. Me and my male best friend only became close a few months ago it was a natural transition that neither one of us expected. From friends we went to best friends where we shared every part of our day and where we were open and honest. Eventually this crept into the physical. I always knew that there was a woman who had his heart and that she came before me. After a while he stopped mentioning her to me and we became involved. This weekend I had him over and he told me that she finished college and is looking to continue their on and off love interest for four years. He adores her and I understand. However it bothers me that he says that he still holds a special place in his heart for me and that the future is not guaranteed. I want to just tell him to drop it but he said he won't forget me and that we are still best friends but things have to change. It hurts that our relationship has to be altered but I understand his commitment and that i am not his priority. My question is why do men do this? Why do they have that one girl they wait for but then tell you that they hold you in their heart? Why can't they just be honest and say I used you? I want to still remain his best friend and support him and his relationship but I just don't understand it. Also I asked him to help me find my soul mate and teach me how to make a man wait years for me. Its crazy because I would usually walk away and not turn back but for him i just melt. HELP!
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First Helper curiousEm
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replied March 1st, 2011
Haven't we all been there! Well, I've been. I thought he was MY soulmate. But I wasn't his. He strung me along for quite a while, I even went to Canada to visit him (after a great effort on his part to make sure I went), I felt so special! When I got there, I realised his heart was somewhere else. I even met his girlfriend (now his wife and mother of his two bambinos). He introduced me as his cousin!! I knew then that I stood no chance. I left and never looked back even though I ached for him for a couple of years. He doesn't know that. But I see him now (over ten years later) and he looks old, ragged and hairless (he was a few years older than me). I wonder what I saw in him in the first place! I've since met my soulmate and I'm so glad I didn't waste my time with him.

Truth is, most men can give their love to one woman, yet share their dreams with another. Making them both feel really special. He may not have been using you, and may genuinely have a soft spot for you in his heart, but she's got his heart and you've got to accept that and move on. No point hanging around to support him in his relationship, it will only hurt you and before you know it you'll be babysitting their kids while they go out on a hot dinner date. You cannot put your heart through that. Let him go. If he's yours, he'll come back. If he doesn't, he never was. The farther away you go from him, the better it will be for your heart and mental health. Time and distance have a way of healing hearts and helping people to move on.

It may also allow you to make room for some special someone who's got his eye on you but you've been so involved in your friend you can't see it. I wish you all the best. You'll be OK. Trust me. I'm now with a a gorgeous guy who loves me and I'm so glad I made room for him in my heart.

All the best!
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