Medical Questions > Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum

Boyfriend needs space. Im 32 weeks pregnant

Is it normal for men to freak out before labor? I'm 32 weeks pregnant and me and my bf have been really distant with eachother and argueing and on the 6th he told me I just needed to leave our home so I moved back to my moms. Everything was fine then just started getting bad and he said he was nervous about baby. Now that I'm gone he's been hanging out with his friend who I don't like because all he does is drink. He will text me back every once in awhile when I text him but whenever I asked if we were going to work on being a family again after the baby he keeps saying idk. I went to his house the other night to show him our sons 4-d ultrasound and he was cuddling and having me play with his hair and asked for a hug when I left but he didnt kiss me. I'm not sure how to take it

We are still friends on Facebook and I wrote him a long letter about how I felt and how we needed to decide what we are going to do and he didn't respond.

He was fine the whole pregnancy until recently. He's been excited,I just don't know why or what is going on
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 19th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
I guess he has lots of thoughts and feelings buzzing around in his head now the birth is imminent and it suddenly is real and he doesn't feel ready.

Even if you were an elephant with a two-year gestation period he wouldn't feel ready. Lots of first-time young fathers don't feel ready and for many it seems like a responsibility too far.

More than that I guess they are scared; for themselves, for the baby if they can't handle it or get something wrong, for the changes a third little person is going to make to the relationship, scared of being unimportant and having to take second place...
Scared of the future.
Scared of needing to be a provider for years and years.
Scared of facing the end of life as he knows it and entering the unknown.

From a man's point of view it is alright for the woman because she is pregnant and has no choice but the man has a choice whether to embrace the unknown, whether to blank it out and pretend it isn't happening or whether to run like hell...

Sometimes when a pregnancy wasn't planned there is some resentment and changes of feelings. At first a man would let the woman decide what to do determined to stand by her but later doubts would inevitably creep in.

I hope this gives you some idea of what might be happening in his head just now even though he might not realise it himself as he is probably reacting rather than thinking.
You might be able to provide some reassurance but if not most men take to fatherhood quite well as soon as a routine is established with the new little person and there is a practical realisation many of those fears were groundless.

It is largely up to you to show him the baby is an addition; an enhancement, to your lives together and not an end to one life and the beginning of another worse life.
It is likely to be very difficult for you for a couple of years but you shouldn't allow the baby to displace him in any way. Most importantly babies are often the end of a couple's sex life or at least a long pause in it that can become an unfortunate habit. I advise you not to allow that to happen or at least one of his fears will have been realised.

Sometimes it will benefit you to behave as if you have two children rather than one...

I hope this helps.
Good luck!
Did you find this post helpful?