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Boyfriend doesn't agree with gay lifestyle (Page 1)

Hello all you lovelies! I'll get strait to the point.

My beef: My boyfriend and I just got together about 2 weeks ago. . . We were talking (before we got together) about being gay and racism and stuff and he does *not* agree with the gay lifestyle.My best friend is gay. He was having a party this weekend and invited my bf and I. . I told him he will have to meet my Anthony some time because he is my best friend. Are there any tips to make him a little more easy going? He agreed to go to the party with me but said he didn't want to stay long cause he knows he wont have fun so I suggested he just not go at all to avoid any conflict. I feel so uncomfortable talking to him about the subject but I love my best friend and i'm not going to stop talking to him because of my bf (not that he expects me to but still).What do I do?Any tips?
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replied March 14th, 2008
No person has a right to judge another based on sexual preference. Your bf needs to learn to be more tolerant. How would he like it if he were discriminated against based on being heterosexual? There is more to a person than who they like to sleep with. He should get to know your friend as a person, not a homosexual.
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replied March 14th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Thats what I said to him, but my question is how to get him to be comfortable enough around him *to* get to know him. It's how he was raised so it's really all he knows.
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replied March 14th, 2008
Does he drink at all? Maybe if he had a little to drink, it would help make him more comfortable. I'm sure that after being around your friend and seeing how important he is to you your bf will lighten up about it. It's not like he has to be worried about your friend making passes at him...lol.
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replied March 14th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Lol, your right. My friend is actually really cool and I know if he wasn't gay him and my bf would get along so well! We all have about the same personality. Maybe drinking would be good. We went out a few weekends ago and drank and had a blast. Thanks for the tips and if you come across anymore let me know!
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replied March 14th, 2008
Experienced User
Not so sure if drinking may help matters. If too much is taken in, it could create problems between your bf and your best friend.

My suggestion is to talk to your bf and tell him there is a lot more than just sexual preference to a person. In this day and age, it is better to be accepting of someone for who they are, not who they choose to love.
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replied March 14th, 2008
Supporter
Just tell your boyfriend that he should be happy your best friend is gay-he won't have to worry about Anthony hitting on you...
I think once he gets to the party and interacts a little, he will see how much fun everyone else is having and maybe he will want to join in. As long as he isn't left out or feeling left out, there probably won't be a problem. Don't force him to stay, but at the same time, don't let him force you to leave if you aren't ready. They just need time to get to know eachother then maybe his view about homosexuality will change. Good luck sweetie
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replied March 14th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Well we decided last night that he wasn't going to go. He asked how long I wanted to stay and I sais a few hours. He only wanted to stay for *maybe* an hour. I'll feel bad if I want to stay and he wants to leave but I don't want to just leave my friend hanging cause i've been spending so much time with my new bf that I haven't hung out with my friend. I'm glad he isn't going cause thats sort of my 'break' and I really don't want us mixing friends. It's sort of like an invasion thing I guess.

I was thinking, my bf's best friend is engaged to another good friend of mine and she wants to hang out with my gay friend with me. So maybe all of us should hang out to take some tension away? I have no idea.

I know i've already blabbed way too much but do you think this would be a reason for my bf and I *not* to be together? We are great in all other ways but when the gay subject comes up, forget it. I want to raise my kids to be what they want and hang out with who they want. No discrimination and no racism.

Thanks for your input, I really do appreciate it!
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replied March 14th, 2008
Supporter
Not wishing to put a damper on things but why would you find a man like your b/f attractive in the first place, if he holds views like that? Sorry but I can see nothing positive coming from this. He's already making you feel uncomfortable about your friendship. And I would definitely, definitely not get him drunk at the party!
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replied March 14th, 2008
I was only suggesting drinking a little, just to help loosen him up...not getting him drunk. Many people feel more at ease socially when they have had a little to drink.
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replied March 14th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Do you have any other gay friends? Maybe you could introduce him to another gay friend but don't tell him that hes gay right away. After getting to know and like your friend, you could break the news to him and maybe it'll help him realize gay guys are the same as straight guys when it comes to friendships and nothing is really all that different.
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replied March 14th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Galaxy wrote:
Not wishing to put a damper on things but why would you find a man like your b/f attractive in the first place, if he holds views like that? Sorry but I can see nothing positive coming from this. He's already making you feel uncomfortable about your friendship. And I would definitely, definitely not get him drunk at the party!
Well I liked him before I found this out.We hung out for about a month before we got together. I understand that people do not all have the same views and he does not push his beliefs on me and he isn't demeaning about it. He agreed to come to the party and he never said he wouldn't talk to him he just doesn't believe in being gay. Thats how he was brought up. He is a good person all around besides that but nothing anyone could say would ever make me change my views about my friends. The whole uncomfortable thing, he isn't mean it's just that vibe you get, like you could cut the tension with a knife. Maybe i'm just an understanding person...I just know that peopl do change. I have a work buddy who use to never talk to ays or balck people (the way she was brought up) now she is about 50 and she still doesn't believe in it but she says what they do is none of her business and she can still be friends with him (my friend). Maybe it's harder since he's a guy?

Thanks for your input Smile

Penguins, that is a superb idea! But my only other gay friend lives in Tallahassee which is about 3 hours away and I haven't seen him in years. You can also tell he's gay so i'm not sure it would work Wink
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replied March 16th, 2008
Supporter
I think the judgment is yours to make. I think it's great that you're not letting this new boyfriend interfere with your frienships. Good for you!
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replied March 17th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Well I went to the party and my bf came with me. He met my bff and actually shook his hand. He was uncomfortable the entire time we were there. he wasn't rude but he was super quiet and looked p|ssed the entire time. None of my gay friends liked him at all and they want to find me a new bf. We left and we talked. he is *so* against being gay and I am so for it... He said he doesn't know how I can condone to it. I told him i don't care what he thinks I love my friends and I will not stop talking to them even if he asked(which he didn't). I then added that we would no longer talk about it and it wont be an issue. I have my friends and he has his.

Why, everytime I find a guy,there has to be something wrong with him? my last boy toy was a little too friendly with my bff and now this one is total opposite. It's so unattractive.
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replied March 17th, 2008
Experienced User
If you are finding this unattractive, you may be in for a wild ride.

I would seriously consider if he is even the right one for you, even if he is directly/indirectly insulting your friends.

A couple should be able to talk openly about things togther, including friends.
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replied March 17th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I agree with what you said. I told him I like talking to him about things i've done with my friend because it's funny but he doesn't care to hear about it. I really didn't think this was going to bother me as much because I thought I could maybe ease him into feeling comfortable around him after a while.he is a freakin person for gods sake, who cares who he likes!

I already know if it comes to him or my friends, my friends will be priority because they have been there for me and i've known them longer. Even then, why would I stop being friends with someone because someone else I know has a problem with them? That would be terrible of me and i'm not that type of person.
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replied March 17th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
Your friends are part of your life. You should be able to bring your boyfriend over and hang out peacably any time you want to! I can imagine it creating some rifts when you want to go hang with your friends and your bf wants to go out and have fun too.

You guys can't go to movies together, or the fair, or amusement parks, or out for a picnick, or have house parties/get togethers, celebrate holidays, or birthdays, or ANY of that stuff together simply because your boyfriend is homophobic!

I broke up with my fiancee for a reason such as this. He is very anti-military and has a completely different view of it than I do. He even went so far as to say I was "not smart enough" to join NASA in his attempt to dissuade me from joining the Air Force, and said he would not marry me if I did join. That was a relationship ender for me.
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replied March 17th, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Wow, are you serious? Thats totally bogus! I'm going to see how it goes and see how things end up. I know it's going to hit him in the long run though because if we ever do get far enough to get married ALLL my gay friends *will* be invited. I also said right in front of him to my friend that when i got a place I was having a house warming party. I'm not going to bed over backwards to make someone happy when it will make me miserable.

I'm surprised he even went to the party when I told him multiple times that he didn't have to go.
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replied March 17th, 2008
Community Volunteer
Being gay is not a "lifestyle". Thats is like saying being straight is a lifestyle...or being black is a lifestyle...or being handicapped is a life style. It just is. It isn't a choice like being a cop or a nurse or a cowboy, those may be considered lifestyles but not being gay or bi or trans or lesbian..thats life, not lifestyle, but I am playing semantics, I know what you are saying and I say dump the homophobic guy. He obviously has issues..never dump a true friend for a boyfriend who cant and wont accept your wishes. Do whats best for you, not him. And dumping loyal friends would be a mistake. If I had a friend who dumped me for a boy/girlfriend and when they broke up wanted to be friends again I would tell them to jump in a lake. Is the sex so good that it is worth losing your true friends?? Confused Thats my 2 cents... respect
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replied October 21st, 2008
Experienced User
boyfriend doesn't agree with gay life style
chances are the more you get to know your boyfriend you will find he harbors other dislikes for other types/groups of people.
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