Medical Questions > Relationships > Troubled and Abusive Relationships Forum

Borderline / Narcisstic Daughter-in-law (Page 2)


October 4th, 2016
There is another website about this issue. Same stories, it unbelievable how common this problem is.
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replied January 9th, 2017
The link doesn't work. Please post more information about this other website,

With thanks,

Bebe100
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replied October 31st, 2016
What to do?? My son and daughter in law just had their first child. We were at the hospital and my son came and said "Mom, "N's" mom and sister are going to be in the delivery room." My first thought was hurt, then I said "D"..I don't care to be in there, but the sister is an "aunt"..When it was time for the baby to be born, the "aunt" jumped up ran across the room, then slowed down in front of me, waved her arms up in the air and said "Wooo whooo, let's go have a baby"..."it's time". I honestly felt like a part of me had been ripped out. Then the "aunt" started sending text messages...I did send her a text message asking for her not to send me any pictures. (I wanted to see him in person the first time, not in a picture) The aunt then started sending ugly text messages telling me "to get a life, and I couldn't control everything" There was nothing I was trying to control. From then on...it has been terrible between me, my son and daughter in law. I was accused of ruining there special day...I have been blessed out by my son and sent terrible emails by my daughter in law.
The next day, after the birth I was sick with a terrible migraine, and have been sick since. This has not been brought on by the birth..this was all happening days before his birth. We did not go to the hospital the day after his birth because I was sick, we did go the next day...after that the emails started coming.
This is a bad situation...one that was not expected. Should I just stay away and not try to be a part of their lives?? Before the baby..we all had an excellent relationship..but now the words said..are probably way too deep.
Any advice would be appreciated???
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replied February 13th, 2017
See my post below! I have suffered so much by never saying anything, but I truly believe now that it would have made no difference.
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replied February 13th, 2017
I cannot believe that so many people are suffering the way I have! My DIL told me when she was pregnant with her first child that "she would be able to control me now she was having a baby" When I asked her what she meant, she said "I will withdraw grandmotherly privileges!" I was shocked. and she has followed it for 20 years. I now have 2 grandchildren who ignore me in front of her, but the few times I do see them, are chatty and loving. They have been taught to be duplicitous and I fear they will never be able to have natural relationships themselves. They live a very "exclusive" life-she excludes anyone who she perceives as a threat. They live 1/2 an hour drive from us, but we have only been to their home twice in 5 years. My son is a very caring father and would do nothing to rock the boat. It is a permanent aching hurt, but I have to live with that. My husband, who is not my childrens father, is a gentle and loving man, now very frail. Not a word or gesture of sympathy or empathy has come our way.
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replied May 31st, 2017
Your story is very similar to ours. Yes, it is really bad and I believe even worse for the grandma's. It is so selfish of people.
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replied May 31st, 2017
Your story is very similar to ours. Yes, it is really bad and I believe even worse for the grandma's. It is so selfish of people.
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replied May 30th, 2017
I just joined and will post my story tomorrow. So far I have enjoyed readying this posts. Our situation is very similar with a hard to get along with DILaw.
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replied May 31st, 2017
Posted by someone else but this is us exactly: "My wife and I are going through the same thing. I think even if we apologize for our unknown infraction, it will be temporary. Something else will happen to cause another estrangement. She'll make sure of it. We would love to see our 2 year old grand-daughter, but she is making sure we won't see her. It's heartbreaking." Can you believe they live about 60 miles from us and have not invited us up to see them since the granddaughter was born. Always a promise to have us up to visit and it never happened.

The DILaw has us unfriended on FB and all our other relatives and friends can see pictures of the granddaughter except us. She is playing our son as a "pawn" against us, he is trapped and won't say anything.

He has become isolated from our side of family, she controls everything. He won't call or email us. The DILaw is quote as the saying goes "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." Exactly as her mom, very selfish.
This entire situation started as soon as the granddaughter came into the picture. CONTROL!
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replied March 30th, 2018
My heart breaks for you. I'm going to the same thing. I finally have some relief knowing that someone else is going through this unfortunately. At least someone can understand my pain
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replied January 8th, 2018
begoniaruby, with all due respect, your emotion comes through in your post, and it doesn't sound like you are being objective about the situation.

I understand that you are very hurt, but your feelings sound negative toward her. Whether she is a great person or not, anyone who feels judged or disliked is not going to welcome you into her life. Even though you say you tried to make her feel welcomed, the way you sound in your post is judgmental of her, to say the least. If you don't like her, was it sincere making her feel welcomed?

Also, was she diagnosed with personality disorders, or are you assigning her these labels? My sympathies to people who are genuinely dealing with persons who have been diagnosed as NPD or BPD from a real therapist, but those of you who just label based on lay definitions of these disorders, without any legitimate psychological analyses, really need to refrain from unqualified judgment.

I grew up with an alcoholic mother, and both she and my father were NPD. (This was diagnosed by a therapist. And I was advised by multiple therapists to cut ties with my toxic family.) The only choice for me was to walk away. I lost a family for my kids to grow up with, I lost friends who were close to my family, and to add insult to injury, my parents cut me out of any inheritance. But for my health, it had to be done.

If your DIL truly has these disorders, fighting with her will never result in anything but pain and suffering. If you suffer from all this turmoil in your marriage, then it is up to you to walk away. Don't blame her if you keep going back for more.

I know how painful it will be to lose your grandchildren; I have to watch my kids grow up without grandparents, cousins, aunts/uncles, etc. and I have to bust my behind to find healthy relationships to take their places. All you have to do is focus on a happy retirement with your husband. I don't say that competitively, but to show you that others have had to be brave and suck this up, so you certainly can too.

I was emotionally and sexually abused my whole childhood, and then got the prize of dealing with those scars in my adult life, plus no family to support me, and no normal experiences or support for my kids. How is that fair? You, it sounds, grew up in a stable family, raised kids with a normal support network to help you, and now have to deal with something in later life. Maybe you could find someone like me who needs grandparents in their kids' lives due to NPD parents? Maybe you could reach out and help someone, to turn this into the most positive it can be.
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replied March 18th, 2018
Thank goodness for this site.I have just recently realised my Dil has narcissistic personal it disorder, so many incidents over the last 20 years, abuse of her son , and of course my son.we were very very close, but he seems under her spell, though at times she treats him appallingly.The latest cruelty, stopping him from coming to my husband's first memorial service am heartbroken!he is my only child. I have found the onlyway to deal with it is to play the "grey rock" i.e. give very bland answers or comments, she can't feed off it, and sometimes gives up, but. Mainly I just have as little to do with her as possible.u fortunately I dont see my son very often as a result.These Individuals always see themselves as the victim,even tho they are the perps.that never changes.They possess no compawhatsoever.
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