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boarderline personality disorder

ive recently been diagnosed as having boarderline personality disorder which i dont agree with but no one is listening to me i dont have angry or aggressive out bursts or lots of sexual partners i may have once had when i was a teenager but now im a mother to 4 children and i just constantly feel like i should never have been born i believe there are 2 types of people those that were ment to be born and those that werent and i wasnt ment and everyday think of how i can kill myself and have tried so many times i cant say my kids are the only thing that keeps me going cause they arent im so empty and feel nothing i dont feel any different towards my children than i do the neighbours all i know is that i see wat others do and i copy so i wont ever let anything happen to my kids it is the worst feeling ever to not know how it feels to love your children but to go around everyday like a robot doing wat everyone else wants you do do or wat they expect from you its getting so bad i cant think for myself i want everyone else to make my decissions for me to the point i wont eat unless im told to im so distructive to myself its unreal but i do feel slightly better after ive swallowed loads of tablets or hurt myself in some way my appointment with my physciatrist isnt til the 9 of august is there anything i can do to get wat im really trien to say accross to them i know ive gotten very bad with my words that it isnt anyones fault but my own please help
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First Helper rae210

replied July 18th, 2011
Extremely eHealthy
the problem with mental illness is that the brain does not perceive the way it would with physical malady
your explanation is fine but the question is will u follow the dr.'s attempt to help u?
u say u know what to do by watching other people so use that skill to do what the dr. suggests
in the meantime try some relaxation such as meditation and concentrate on your children and your eating habits
and try and realize if u hurt yourself u will be hurting those that depend on u, namely your children
do u have family that can help
u did not mention a partner
good luck
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Users who thank ohcalcuta for this post: sadista 

replied July 28th, 2011
doctors say you have boarderline personality disorder, because yes you do things normally, but in your head you dont; thinking of ways to kill yourself, not having the natural love for your children ect. i dont know what to say on how you could change that..except by really caring about your well being..and children. iv been through alot of mental problems..anxiety, depression, anger, and i got through all of them. you can do the same. you just have to want it. you cant go around thinking of killing yourself. life is life..everybody goes through problems..your not the only one, and i promise you me nor you have the worst problems in the world..people are out they waaaaay worse off then us. and you need to think about that. You have one life thats not that long. and you need use it and make the best out of it, caring about people or not.
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Users who thank rae210 for this post: sadista 

replied August 5th, 2011
you sound a lot like my mum.On many occasions now and growing up she has told me that she thinks she shouldn't have been born and wants to kill herself, she overdoses and over eats alot. she is a highly qualified teacher and holds a job well, yet her relationships are constantly breaking. She believes that killing herself will be doing a favor to me and the rest of her family. She has caused so many issues because of her constant dramas and needs, yet in no way would i ever think she would be doing us a favor by ending her life. i do addmit i have had to withdraw from her alot in order to protect my own new family. No matter how much help we give her, it is never enough, she refuses to take advice or admit she has a problem, as she belives the problem is us.
I need her to be my mother, instead of me mothering her. She has many people who love har and need her, but because she refuses to change her lifestyle, eg: see a regular doctor, maintain her medication, tell us how she feels before she does something extream, or even admit she has a problem, i find it extreamily dangerous to include her in my own families life.
I pray things will change, but i am afraid i have lost hope.
Now i just have to manage her.
i love you mum.
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