My husband self medicates with lots of alcohol before he goes manic(like 3 gallons of vodka/red bull in 3 weeks before he moved out in September). When manic he doesn't love me anymore, will isolate himself to couch for weeks before leaving while staying up late drinking a lot, wants out/divorce, leaves once a year(the time frame gone gets worse every year), spends lots and lots of money at bars, two affairs in past two years(although he doesn't see it like that because we are seperated???), has no emotion/affection towards me or our two girls (10&4), completely withdraws from us, etc......I have rarely noticed him depressed, or severely depressed anyway. There have been times that all he wants to do is sleep but not many.

He can hold down his job and become a workaholic but cannot hold down our marriage or household. We literally walk around on eggshells. He will be nice to everyone else but me. It's almost like he can just put on a fake face it needed. I feel as though he feeds off of my emotions.

He called a couple of nights ago telling me he has not been down since he left and has been a lot more easy going....even his coworkers think so and blame me for that???? I responded...who wouldn't be more easy going...no responsibilities, no kids/spouse, come and go as you want, party party party, and sleeping with other women.... YOU ARE MANIC and the words you say do not hurt me because I know it's the illness talking.....

I feel like this is a cycle and he will come back BUT this time he has been gone 3 months and swears he'll never come back??? And he is messing around again so I've heard with a very nonattractive younger girl....... I never know when it's going to be the end!

I just wonder how much of this is bipolar or his own selfishness??? Can anyone relate??? How much more do I take?
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First Helper confusedalright
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replied December 21st, 2012
This is my boyfriend in a nutshell, almost exact same story. He and I are both getting divorces, and he has been in a loveless marraige for 10 years. When it came to him leaving her, it wasn't just his illness, (I've known both of them for years and I know what she's like so I know their marraige didn't end from just his actions) Though, the drinking, attention or lack there of to the kids, the walking around on egg shells and the pushing you away is exactly what I've been having to deal with. It's so hard and I know how you feel, I don't know what to do either. It puts me in a horrible mood as well. I wish I could tell you what to do to make it better but I just don't. I'm here teling you I feel the same and muscling through it is all I've been able to do. If you have any suggestions, or need someone to talk to who gets it, just shoot me a message. Know that you're not alone in all this.
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