Medical Questions > Relationships > Ending a Relationship Forum

Bipolar- on the receiveing end

How do you feel when dealing with a BP partner who
disappears
switch off the phone
loves you one day and hates you the next
has horrendous rages in public directed at you
cannot love you properly
can be very loving and involving for a time but
shies away from holding hands in public
writes you the best emails you`ve ever had
belittle you in a terrible email, out of the blue
cheats
lies silly lies
denies involvement
denies responsibility
it is sooooooooooooo sexy that you hardly can wait to sleep with them again
breaks your heart and thinks nothing of it (mine told me to go dancing to forget him)
after some days starts the email-phoning camapaign and wants to be back.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

CONFUSED, ANGRY, UMBELIAVABLY SAD, SO LONELY, HOW COULD THIS PERSON BEHAVES LIKE THAT AND DESTROY OUR RELATIONSHIP, i`LL NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN, CRYING AND WANTING HIM BACK, ACCEPTING BEING ONLY FRIENDS (AGAIN), WAITING TILL THE MANIA LEAVES SO HE WILL COME BACK ,MISSING SEX LIKE MAD, KNOWING HE DOES NOT DESERVE YOU,KNOWING HE WILL DESTROY YOUR LIFE BUT WANTING HIM BADLY, WANTING TO RUN AND WANTING TO STAY, FEELING USED, FEELING ABUSED, FEELING CHEATED, DEPRESSED AND MISERABLE, HOW COULD HE.

iS THAT THE KIND OF LIFE WE WANT TO HAVE? tHIS WILL ONLY REAPEAT ITSELF HUNDREDS OF TIMES.
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First Helper CharB
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replied March 22nd, 2011
Oh my Gosh! My heart goes to you. It was like you wrote about my husband of 8 years. Listen. I know the heart ache your feeling inside only because I have been there. I have searched for answers to the WHY for so long, hoping something would make it better. THIS site and others like it help. I only guess that your man IS NOT on medication or counseling? Mine either. He told me himself he was bipolar when we met, hes gone & received lithium many times 8 years, but always stops taking them and denies he needs it and it starts all over again. I have said and felt, "He does not deserve me" but that one is hot air for me. The statement I have found to be truest to myself, is that he does in fact deserve me as I do him. BUT WITH THAT THEN you have to accept the REALITY of UNMEDICATED BIPOLAR. This is where the soul search comes in.... Not only CAN YOU but are you WILLING TO, deal with this. I have always been very strong minded, but always a matter of time and I would get sucked in and lose sight of what was going on and I would just REACT! I could tell myself, "DO NOT ENGAGE" to help me remember. But trying to rationalize with some one that is in fact irrational, is insanity! 8 years of up and down and round and round honestly left me feeling that I was nothing more than a shell of a person holding on to what I did not even know. PLEASE remind yourself that feeling abused, used, cheated, depressed, unworthy, these are all things that YOU YOURSELF know better! You ARE worthy!And because you are worthy and have valid feelings you have the right to make good and sound decisions. I had to make a decision based on what I knew of myself and what I COULD and was WILLING to accept in someone else. He is 48. The chances that he will change his ways is not likely. Would I like to be the one he did it for? Of course! But...the questions remains until then.... AM I CAPABLE of dealing with this and am I WILLING. Its not easy, but somehow knowing & accepting my limits gave me a little peace. You are worthy! You know better than that! I'm sorry it doesnt make it hurt any less my friend. I am so sorry your experiencing this. Find your strength!
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replied March 22nd, 2011
Experienced User
Thanks for sending me such a nice reply. Yes, In still with him, but just. He disappeared from my life for two months, reappeared and wanted to resume things, I accepted, we started dating again and soon he was making references about being my boyfriend and not wanting any man only friends even phoning me, the jealousy was insane.
But things were progressing ok, with us going out a lot and sleeping together again. One Saturday he came to see me in a different mood, we were going to the beach next day, I knew some change was in the air.
On the way to the beach next day he was HORRID to me, showing me signs of his violent temper, shaking a fist to me, not talking, etc, only to ask me two hours later to forget it all and 'lets have a nice day'.We did try, but I was so shaken and in true misery. In the beach he made some friends and I was speechless to see how much he was telling them about his life, how high he seemed to be, he wanted to go the most expensive restaurant and spend money!!! As we divide expenses i was very worried but we went and ended up paying much more than we could afford.
Coming home, he was in a down again, didnt talk to me and didnt touch me at all.
Now he is saying Im like a little sister to him and he is not going to make love to me again.He gave up again (for the tenth time ) the idea of us being in a relationship, he says we are not, however, he wants to wait and see , so Im not supposed to date anyone else.
He is driving me nuts with this loving and not loving situation, he is now introducing me as 'his friend', after one year togehter, family knowing, travelling, going out 3 times a week and sleeping together, we are now back to square one. I feel I have had enough .
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