Bipolar/OCD/Brain Tumor
Hi im new on here. I'm a 15 year old male with a big heart.Please read all of this 
<3. Ive been scared ever since ive turned 15 because im pretty sure im bipolar with ocd. Recently, ive was in a "manic" state and i was sooo happy, i wanted to do everything, i loved life, i was talking fast and next thing i knew , it was already like 12 o'clock& i didn't even realize how fast time was moving. I would also wake up in the morning & get ready for school and music(in my head) would be playing non- stop until i was at school. I think it was racing thoughts. Some times i just love life and i want to live life to the fullest & it's so important to me that i do. Ever since i was little ive wanted to do everything with my life. :'( . getting a little emotional writing this, ahah. I'm also pretty positive i have ocd, because ive had those obssessive thoughts of stabbing a family member when in the kitchen. And i hated it, or i would have thoughts of really negative things about my loved ones. It was like i loved them so much i would hate tot think anything bad about them, so i did.I would also think that if i were to hold a cute baby, i could easily just drop it or throw it. I thought i was a bad person because of all these unwanted thoughts. I wouldn't say it's a severe case of OCD though. I was also really terrified about schizophrenia at one point because that would be the death of me. I wouldnt want to live life as a person detached from reality so bad were they have to be hospitalized. I would cry every day thinking about life passing me by if i was schizo. I am a pretty loud and outgoing,, and annoying kid. haha. I have alot of friends and i have always been really social. So i would be over if i was ever diagnosed as a schizophrenic. The reasons i thought i was schizophrenic; i was really paranoid when i was high once which is a little normal because paranoia is a symptom from marijuana but it scared me when i thought about it later. And also, i thought i heard my name being called only like once though. And just today actually i was like dreaming and i heard music in my dream& when i woke up it stopped ofcorse but it sounded like it was in my ear. Back to bipolar, when i thought that i might be bipolar,ocd, or even schizo i went into a depression that lasted for like 5 weeks, thinking about how i would hate to have some type of disorder and how my life wouldnt be perfect like i wanted it to be(ocd). In this depressive episode, I'm pretty sure i saw some dark shadows or something. I knew they were fake and i never got paranoid about them or anything, or i didn't think they were actual people ahaa. I ignored it and carried on, but as soon as i was happy again, everything just stopped. those shadows, and all that.I also hated myself,felt worthless, felt unwanted,and felt nobody loved me. In the manic state i was the complete opposite, i was happy,loved myself,felt i can get through anything, and i told myself i would be okay, stay strong. I have a friend whos bipolar and a friend diagnosed with depression and ADHD and he's hallucinated, heard music, and has had delusions of being a famous person. He opens up to alot of people about it. The only times i've been really paranoid was when i was high. I've also been very insecure growing up so that could come off pretty paranoid. I know my grandmother had a chemical imbalance in her brain( depression ) & my family has no history of schizophrenics. My father and my aunt both have been diagnosed with brain tumors also.....As my behavior. I've been told i have a behavioral problem. I've gotten written up loads of times for using my phone, cutting class with friends, and so on. I also know that if i am really happy, i will be out of control. Happiness and love is the most important thing in this world i feel. Growing up i always felt alone until i hit like highschool, i made loooots of friends. Growing up and still now a little, I've always wanted to be surrounded by people who love me,(tearing up). I've always loved people, and i always enjoyed being around people my family always noticed. Someone please help me, i would love to hear your input. <3 ~ Chris 
<3. Ive been scared ever since ive turned 15 because im pretty sure im bipolar with ocd. Recently, ive was in a "manic" state and i was sooo happy, i wanted to do everything, i loved life, i was talking fast and next thing i knew , it was already like 12 o'clock& i didn't even realize how fast time was moving. I would also wake up in the morning & get ready for school and music(in my head) would be playing non- stop until i was at school. I think it was racing thoughts. Some times i just love life and i want to live life to the fullest & it's so important to me that i do. Ever since i was little ive wanted to do everything with my life. :'( . getting a little emotional writing this, ahah. I'm also pretty positive i have ocd, because ive had those obssessive thoughts of stabbing a family member when in the kitchen. And i hated it, or i would have thoughts of really negative things about my loved ones. It was like i loved them so much i would hate tot think anything bad about them, so i did.I would also think that if i were to hold a cute baby, i could easily just drop it or throw it. I thought i was a bad person because of all these unwanted thoughts. I wouldn't say it's a severe case of OCD though. I was also really terrified about schizophrenia at one point because that would be the death of me. I wouldnt want to live life as a person detached from reality so bad were they have to be hospitalized. I would cry every day thinking about life passing me by if i was schizo. I am a pretty loud and outgoing,, and annoying kid. haha. I have alot of friends and i have always been really social. So i would be over if i was ever diagnosed as a schizophrenic. The reasons i thought i was schizophrenic; i was really paranoid when i was high once which is a little normal because paranoia is a symptom from marijuana but it scared me when i thought about it later. And also, i thought i heard my name being called only like once though. And just today actually i was like dreaming and i heard music in my dream& when i woke up it stopped ofcorse but it sounded like it was in my ear. Back to bipolar, when i thought that i might be bipolar,ocd, or even schizo i went into a depression that lasted for like 5 weeks, thinking about how i would hate to have some type of disorder and how my life wouldnt be perfect like i wanted it to be(ocd). In this depressive episode, I'm pretty sure i saw some dark shadows or something. I knew they were fake and i never got paranoid about them or anything, or i didn't think they were actual people ahaa. I ignored it and carried on, but as soon as i was happy again, everything just stopped. those shadows, and all that.I also hated myself,felt worthless, felt unwanted,and felt nobody loved me. In the manic state i was the complete opposite, i was happy,loved myself,felt i can get through anything, and i told myself i would be okay, stay strong. I have a friend whos bipolar and a friend diagnosed with depression and ADHD and he's hallucinated, heard music, and has had delusions of being a famous person. He opens up to alot of people about it. The only times i've been really paranoid was when i was high. I've also been very insecure growing up so that could come off pretty paranoid. I know my grandmother had a chemical imbalance in her brain( depression ) & my family has no history of schizophrenics. My father and my aunt both have been diagnosed with brain tumors also.....As my behavior. I've been told i have a behavioral problem. I've gotten written up loads of times for using my phone, cutting class with friends, and so on. I also know that if i am really happy, i will be out of control. Happiness and love is the most important thing in this world i feel. Growing up i always felt alone until i hit like highschool, i made loooots of friends. Growing up and still now a little, I've always wanted to be surrounded by people who love me,(tearing up). I've always loved people, and i always enjoyed being around people my family always noticed. Someone please help me, i would love to hear your input. <3 ~ Chris
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