Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

Bipolar husband when angry does he really think these things?

Hi

My husband is biolar i think. He has been diagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar by one old psychiarist but i know there is no real medical test for bipolar and i dont really believe in psychiatrist. Sure there is mentally something wrong with him for sure... So my first question is, do other people here have with their bipolar spouses the same scenario:


What is happening is this: He goes constantly between 2 different personalities, around every 30 to 40 hours. Its always the same! There is nothing else only those two sides to him!


1) One is calm, quiet, nice ,friendly, kind, UNDERSTANDING, submissive! and doesnt get upset, he then is very emotional and hugging and kissing and says he loves me more then anybody else (my beautiful wife...), and that if he cannot get along with me he cant do with anyone as i have no bad habbits, that something is wrong with HIS brain because he cant handle deep things and long conversations, that he has the cloudiness, headaches, and that its not me its all his fault. That i deserve someone better and he is not a stable guy and i dont deserve all this. And he wants me to be safe and he will always support me even if we have to break up one day.


But THEN there is always the other side emerging:



2) he is then suddenly: talkig much more, strong minded, taking things in his hand, not really listening much to what i say, i cannot really reason with him, its hard to have a 2 way conversation, he gets angry and blames me for LOTS of things and gets more and more mad, then says horrible, horribe things to me! And also talks about breaking up and going to file for divorce (i swear i go tomorrow)


He said he cannot control himself in these episodes. That he blames me for everything then and feels no regard and love for me at that moment he said. I can cry but he says: if you cry now it doesnt effect me. He said he is at those moments always blind and sees even when he looks at me not the same woman, that even my face is different and angry and horrible. (but the truth is that also at those moments i am still kind and very loving and never get angry or mad even if he is rude) But he sees me as an enemy.


It is horrible because like last night he blamed me that he should not have listened to me for renting a new apartment, and what all i was doing was wrong, how picky i am, that there is no noise and problem there (before he agreed), that he just areed because he is a nice guy, and got more and more mad and went on and on talking about me....


It looks always very real when he is like this he seems completely and totally convinced about the things he is saying about me. And they make him angry even while he is talking and he explains and explains but i cant really reason with him as he doesnt except anything.


But then later when he is calm i ask him and he says he doesnt think that. I ask him about each of them and if he really feels like it was my fault but he says no to each of my questions. And is very quiet again.


But I dont trust him anymore. Is he saying the truth?

Is he lying in one or the other stage? He is now calm again and apologetic for the abuse. But i lost all my trust simply because his thinking is in both stages the complete opposite.


Can anybody please tell me if these are typical signs of bipolar and which one is the real personality. The calm and great nice guy or the one who is upset and angry? (i dont know him very long so i didnt meet him before he had this illness)

And when they are angry and blame is that not how they really think? Because now he says he doesnt think all these many things about me. But i am not sure wether to believe him. Maybe now he just wants to avoid the argument? I though he really believed all these horrible things...


(he also keeps on changing his mind back and forwards about everything and breaking promises and agreements about supplements which he is taking stopping, taking, stopping)
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replied May 18th, 2013
Hi avan77 my boyfriend of 5 years just got diagnosied with bipolar just a year ago and for the first 3yrs of are relationship he was fine and in are 4th year is when he had his first mild manic episode and he then got stable for a year but he just now had another manic episode and he is doing the same thing as your husband being nice then very rude.


We use to live together but in his first manic episode last year he made us move back into are own parents and with my boyfriend his parents are very dysfunctional so I'm fhinking the reason why he say hurtful things because he's around negative people and sonce he's not in his right state of mind he takes on there negative. I think that's why he does it so maybe if ur husband is around negative things he's picking it up and repeating it to u but what you guys talk about.

Because like with my boyfriend he sees his parents arguing a lot and beckering and stuff and then when he talks to me he makes it seem like it was us and its just confusing I'm still trying to figure it out to because for my boyfriend to be mean is totally out of his character and for it to be directed at me is crazy because I'm the only one helping him through this so I just put it to being around negative people and him not being stable.negativity and bipolar don't mix.
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replied May 4th, 2014
Dear Avan77,

I am at the beginning of a divorce, to a man I married 17.5 years ago. His father committed suicide from bi-polar, his mother has life long depression, his sister disappeared 13 years ago, his brother died in a mental institution at 15, and our daughter has autism. At the minimum my ex has undiagnosed Aspergers and undiagnosed bipolar. He began the cycles years ago, but I couldn't figure out what was always "wrong". He would go from the nicest guy, to screaming at me at the top of his lungs. In February, he knew that I was starting to figure all of this out, he started callng CPS to report me, beat me up one night when he saw m looking at his cell phone, where he was speaking to numerous divorce lawyers who told him that he could pay less child/spousal support if he could prove I was abusive. I'm strict, not abusive. Anyway, after that fight, I ran to my brother's house, didn't call the police, and he went to the police station and told them I PUNCHD HIM IN THE fFACE and that I was a danger to my children that I have cared for full time for their entire lives. This UC Berkeley educated woman spent 3 days in jail with all manner of person I never thought I would meet. Most of the people in there would never do what my husband has done. The DA did not charge me. But now, I am now in the fight for my life for my children and myself. I am not able to see my children because they granted him a restraining order against ME! It is unreal, and there must be some reason why I have to go through this. It is the hardest thing that has ever happened to me. Wish me luck out there everyone. I need it to fight this manipulative, conniving, scheming man. I am heartbroken that the man I stood by through so, so , so much is getting worse and will only get worse because he is not able to see that something is horribly wrong. I have put my career aside to raise our children, and this. WEll, I ignored so many warning signs, and I must explore that, for myself. What I am going to tell you is RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. I know people will say that is mean, but no one has the right to abuse and devastate anyone. He saw me in court the other day, and after 20 years with him, the look on his face was "What have I done." I have a little girl with autism, I will be there for her until I am no longer. But him, I have to wipe my hands clean. 17.5 years and getting worse. Enough is enough. It would be different if he wasn't so dangerous in his manic periods. But they started coming more often. The good times were so far and few in between over the last years. Still reeling. Run for your life!!!!!!!
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replied May 4th, 2014
Run for your life! NOW!
Dear Avan77,

I am at the beginning of a divorce, to a man I married 17.5 years ago. His father committed suicide from bi-polar, his mother has life long depression, his sister disappeared 13 years ago, his brother died in a mental institution at 15, and our daughter has autism. At the minimum my ex has undiagnosed Aspergers and undiagnosed bipolar. He began the cycles years ago, but I couldn't figure out what was always "wrong". He would go from the nicest guy, to screaming at me at the top of his lungs. In February, he knew that I was starting to figure all of this out, he started callng CPS to report me, beat me up one night when he saw m looking at his cell phone, where he was speaking to numerous divorce lawyers who told him that he could pay less child/spousal support if he could prove I was abusive. I'm strict, not abusive. Anyway, after that fight, I ran to my brother's house, didn't call the police, and he went to the police station and told them I PUNCHD HIM IN THE fFACE and that I was a danger to my children that I have cared for full time for their entire lives. This UC Berkeley educated woman spent 3 days in jail with all manner of person I never thought I would meet. Most of the people in there would never do what my husband has done. The DA did not charge me. But now, I am now in the fight for my life for my children and myself. I am not able to see my children because they granted him a restraining order against ME! It is unreal, and there must be some reason why I have to go through this. It is the hardest thing that has ever happened to me. Wish me luck out there everyone. I need it to fight this manipulative, conniving, scheming man. I am heartbroken that the man I stood by through so, so , so much is getting worse and will only get worse because he is not able to see that something is horribly wrong. I have put my career aside to raise our children, and this. WEll, I ignored so many warning signs, and I must explore that, for myself. What I am going to tell you is RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. I know people will say that is mean, but no one has the right to abuse and devastate anyone. He saw me in court the other day, and after 20 years with him, the look on his face was "What have I done." I have a little girl with autism, I will be there for her until I am no longer. But him, I have to wipe my hands clean. 17.5 years and getting worse. Enough is enough. It would be different if he wasn't so dangerous in his manic periods. But they started coming more often. The good times were so far and few in between over the last years. Still reeling. Run for your life!!!!!!!
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replied February 16th, 2016
Yes, he is Bipolar and this means he is MENTAL SICK AND YOU CAN'T HELP THIS OR CHNAGE ! I just don't understand women as you who just like to stay in this kind of relationship forever with this kind of "wonderful" men as you see them......... It seem something is really wrong with YOU, much than with him as bipolar if you want to accept a life like a Hell with someone like this. You have to UNDERSTAND that this person is MENTAL SICK and no matter what you do or try to help, you will CAN'T HELP ! You can't control the brain of a mental sick person . Even he will take medication, do not think that he may become a normal man ever ! Medication has also side effects, and in many cases, they abandon the medicaiton due to this thing and then he come back to again to his Hell...... and will make your life a totall Hell forever . There are plenty of options and available healthy men in this world, why do you need to stay in such a cruel life and relationship and more ? do you want to marry this man who treat you as a dog ?.... WHY ? Do you think about this ? Do you want your childrens to be ill too ? Do you want you become ill too ? Do you know the risks of living in a relationship like this, called abusive relationship and sad always ? This will only bring a mental illness to you too, as depression or even you have the risk to become bipolar too in time !
You have to consider the other facts of life, not only LOVE ! Love is not enough in e every aspect of life ! You risk to arrive to never can love anymore any other man , or your family , just because this man will destroy in time your feelings of love ! Believe me, I was in a relationship of 3 years with a Bipolar who devastated my whole life and existance . I give you my friendly advice , don't make the mistake to marry this kind of man, because that will never be a happy marriage, it will be a total Hell ! Love yourself more before to love other !
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replied February 16th, 2016
Yes ! I totally recognise this from my ex ! He always said things to me and blamed me and he at least took to me like with a prostitute ! using horrible words and very dirty and that was the end for me and him, because I could not accept non-respect from a man ! I was doing nothing from all that what he sais, but he accused me of prostitution and things like this which was only in his head due to a relationship from distance bwteen me and him !
Also later he come back again with words like " baby child, I love you so much " and probably you also met this kind of sweet words to yurr husband.

You have to understand one thing : yes, they no mean to say such horrible things to you when they are in crisis, but they say it and you, as a noral healthy human, your brain cannot understand that he did not meant it .... This is normal for you as normal people. BUT is a big risk of affecting you emotionaly and mentally !

Also they take long breaks from partners, disappear , just because they have to deal with what horrible things they said to you...Then they come back to you , in special when they see they will lose you if you are not there around anymore. They will contacting you, they will be so sweet again, until next episode ! when you will can't control this or help !

Yes, to your other questions : they are experts liars ! They lie very perfect, and as you also said about other thing, yes, they have visions, paranoia, they can see or hear things which is not exist in fact near them ! This is as your husband see you very angry or with other face in that moments and I have to tell you, if he really sees you like this, it means he is in an advanced grade of Bipolar . He need treatment anf evaluation , and is a pity that you don't believe in doctors for mental illness, this add a black point ! because you will be unable to support him to go to a doctor if you don't believe this doctors !

Think about all this !
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