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Bipolar Girlfriend Break Up, Please Help Me

Hello everyone, I know this is a very common topic as I have searched the internet far and wide looking for a little bit of hope. I'm sorry if this all sounds too familiar but at times i'm really distraught over this and i would like people's opinions about what is going on right now in my relationship and whether or not it will end or if she will ever want to be with me again. This is a very long story and I'm sorry. Here we go.

I have been with my girlfriend for almost three years. She is a bit younger than me, recently turned 19 and i just turned 23. I'll try to spare a lot of backstory to get to the point. She was diagnosed bipolar/manic depressive at a young age, her parents seperated while young, her mother emotionally and physically abused her father and then her for a long time before her dad managed to get custody of her. After a while living with her dad her stepmother who also has illnesses attempted suicide by clogging the fireplace and tried to take her with her. When I found out about this I opened my home to my girlfriend and she started spending a lot of time with me and my family. She was going to therapy at the time and taking medicine and everything was okay. Eventually, before we were even together a year, her step mother had another episode and my girlfriend moved in with me and my parents after graduating and getting accepted into the same university I was about to graduate from. I helped her find an apartment near campus with a college buddy of mine and her father asked me to live with her for a while to keep an eye on her and I did. Everything was pretty good for a while and then she began to have manic episodes and they progressively got worse. But I was always there to calm her down. About a few months ago she found out her father has lung cancer and that he will more than likely pass away very soon. On top of that she is taking five art classes and apprenticing at a tattoo studio. She started smoking cigarettes again and out of the blue wanted to break up. It was always something new every week. She felt like she was poly amorous, she felt really bad impulses to have sex with strangers, we spent too much time together so she felt like she was losing her appreciation for me, she felt like she was falling out of love with me, she felt like a terrible girlfriend, that she treated me awful because of her episodes, that she wanted to be alone, that i deserved better, she felt too dependent on me, she felt like she was trapped in a battle between growing up and wanting to self destruct and regress, and the list went on. She always felt like a burden on me and that she was sorry that I had to put up with her episodes. I always told her that I didn't care that i loved her good and bad, and that I didn't put up with anything, that i just chose to be there for her and to love her as best as I could, and to understand as best as I could.

I eventually calmed her down about all of it every time it happened. Whenever I would tell her that I would leave her like she wanted she would always change her mind. She was afraid if she stayed she would end up messing up, that she would cheat and screw us all up, or that she would leave and realize it was all a big mistake, that she really loved me, and that it wasn't just a 'i'm young lets see what else is out there phase'. I always told her I'd be there for her no matter what. She kept insisting on a break but with all of the things happening to her i told her i'd stick by her to help ease the weight of it all. Eventually I started spending less time with her like she asked me to and started staying at my parents house more often so she could have time alone. She's never been a good texter so we never really talked except for her I love yous during the day. Eventually she told me again that she was crushing on people. Something that I think is quite normal, people are attracted to others every day, but you never cross that line. I guess I hadn't done enough research on the lack of impulse control and how bad things kept getting for her.

She was finally making friends with the people of her apprenticeship and this guy and girl were always there for her. Cheering her up when she was down, inviting her to parties, and giving her tons of alcohol. She kept drinking a lot and putting off her school work and breaking down about it later. To make a very long story short, during one of her manic highs she ended up hanging out with said dude who works with her, she went to his place to hang out and watch movies, drank some whiskey with him, he flirted with her and she gave in. This was very rough for me to take in and it happened the Sunday night after halloween. I was waiting for her in her apartment worried and she called me early Monday morning saying she was a screw up and that she was on the way home. She came in through the door with her head down and looked as if her father had died. She had bruises and bite marks and confessed immediately about what happened. She ended up wanting to die. After my initial outburst of rage i calmed down and took care of her. I helped her bathe because she couldn't stand in the shower alone. Whenever she would fall to the floor i'd hold her so that she could keep going with all the things she had to do that day. I encouraged her to continue her apprenticeship despite what happened. For her own happiness as it is something she loves to do. At times she could be affectionate towards me but then the guilt, shame, and remorse hurt her so bad she couldn't look at me. When I asked her why she did it, she always gave me many different answers, the saddest one being that she wanted a friend.

She wanted me to leave her. I told her that she needed help prior to all of this because we knew it would happen. She agreed to go to therapy and get on medicine as soon as the semester was over. Now that she has cheated on me i'm not so sure if she will seek help or go on a spiral. She told me that she didn't know if she wanted to stay with me and work things out. She kept asking me why I wanted to despite what she did. I told her that I loved her that she wasn't well and that she needed to get help. That i'd forgive her with time and that she was more hurt than I was and that she had to learn to get over it with help. Eventually she told me that she just wanted to be alone. She wouldn't let me break up with her and she wouldn't break up with me. I agreed. I packed what little things I had there. Said my goodbyes and left. I haven't seen her since but we agreed to meet in a week and talk about things.

The week went by this last Sunday. She hadn't messaged me at all and we have both been ghost on social media. She blogs a bit on tumblr and it was always very sad things about not knowing what she was doing. I keep in touch with my old roomate and he's keeping an eye out on her. He told me that she looked very ashamed for the first few days then exhausted. She's been focusing on everything and shutting everyone out. Including the person she cheated on me with and that girl friend of hers. She did a tribute post on instagram to her father as it was his birthday this past Sunday. Me and him kept in touch and he encouraged her to get help before she cheated on me. I haven't told him about that as he's very sick and I don't think she will tell him either. Anyways, i ended up texting her asking her what time we should meet because I had a bunch of gifts that her father had given her while she was living at my parent's house. I guess she knew that I was going to break up with her, or maybe bad timing due to it being his birthday, but she texted me back saying that she didn't feel good and that she wanted to be alone, and that she couldn't handle taking those things right now, and that maybe the next day I could swing by after work. I said okay I understand and left it at that.

The next day while at work she texted me a long message saying that she wasn't ready to see me yet. That she was sorry. That she was having a hard time dealing with life right now, and that she thought she should be alone to figure things out for a good time longer than a week, that she didn't know if we should be together anymore because of the way she felt currently, that she just needed to think, and that I could keep her stuff for now, and that she was sorry that she felt like she couldn't handle anything else out of fear of a heart attack, and that she loved me. I messaged her back telling her to focus on herself and not to worry about me, that i cared, that i was there for her, that i loved her, and that i understood. I haven't heard from her since. As of today, 11/11/2015, she has started to take down all of our photos from her instagram, she has yet to officially break up with me, she gets on facebook frequently but keeps all of our photos and our relationship status on there, and she has kept some of our photos on her tumblr as well. I believe she started doing this as of yesterday because i saw her erase a few, and later she posted on her tumblr a long rant which sounded like a panic attack. How she wanted to get out of her room because she didn't want to be in it anymore and she felt like she was going to die. How she had nowhere to go and how she wanted anybody to take her somewhere. A friend of mine messaged her but she never responded. I decided to respect her space and not reach out out of fear that the guilt she feels for what she did to me and how she's not ready to see me and all that. Since we lived together in her apartment she still has a lot of the my sleeping clothes, posters, and blankets, so i'm guessing those things could have triggered her.

I'm really bummed out because she didn't reach out to me despite knowing i'm still there for her. Every day I check to see if i'm still in a relationship and i'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that she is going to break up with me. I've been active on facebook and tumblr, sometimes posting pictures about the things i'm doing, just so she knows i'm okay and not sad, that i'm still living. I'm afraid to be more active because of the guilt she feels. I'm not really sure what to do except wait till she is better to try and convince her to get help. I'm afraid that her father will pass away and that she will get worse. I feel like her manic decision to cheat on me was her way of getting rid of me so that I couldn't be there for her anymore. But I tend to look too into things. I've read a lot on Bipolar Disorder, and I know that she was diagnosed with type-1, and that it gets bad when you turn 19.

Sorry that this has been such a long post. I'm not sure if she will break up with me, or ever come back and be with me, or let me be there for her again. I was a really good person to her when we were friends and as a couple. I really love her and i'm patient and understanding, but i'm hurting because she's hurting, and it feels like she's going to get rid of me. I don't know what to do but wait. I guess what i'm looking for is some hope, will she come back? Please give me any kind of advice. I really care about her and I truly love her. I knew what i was getting into, she told me so her self, and she's very kind and so damn sorry for what she has done. But she can't deal with it now and I'm afraid she never will. If you want me to elaborate on anything please feel free to ask as many questions as you want.
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replied February 12th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
She would need psychiatric assesment. Once its established wether its mood swings or personality disorder that has irritated her then you will be guided accordingly.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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