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Bipolar, Depression, and OCD girlfriend!

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I've been dating my girlfriend (she has Bipolar, Depression, and OCD) for about 3 months now and i learned that she cuts herself. She claimed that since she had met me, she had quit, but some of my friends who ride her bus told me that she was cutting on the bus. I ask her to quit and that I care too much about her to just sit back and let her hurt herself and not do anything to try to stop it. She also lost a friend, and something else, i don't know because she wont tell me anything. She only trust 2 ppl, she says, her grandma, and one of her friends whom i do not know. She wont listen to me long enough to tell her that it just tears me apart limb-by-limb to see or even know that she's been hurting herself. I tell her that i'm there for her, and she can tell me ANYTHING, and that i'll always be there for her. Her parents know about it and the only thing they'll do for her is bandage the wounds for her, if needed, they don't care about her. Her mother has even tried to send her to a mental institute, just because she was " a disobedient nuisance." And whether or not she knows it, everything she goes through, i go through with her. Yes, she's had a troubled past, (shes attempted suicide twice) and i tell her that those things are over, and instead of focusing on the bad things going on, think of the good things, the fun time that you've had, etc. Please, I/We really need help. I understand that it is an addiction, and that it will take time, but any help will be GREATLY appreciated.
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replied December 21st, 2008
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sweetie, you have a very, very important role here. you have to be especially careful. what you have here is a love for someone who can consume you in a bad way. i appreciate you trying to help her. that's the right thing to do, but you need to understand that people in your girlfriend's position really have to get some professional help and they have to desire to get themselves out of their problems too.

you cannot pull her out of this. she has to do so herself. do you agree with this statement? do you understand it fully?

here's another concern of mine. what about this girl is so attractive to you? usually, people we're attracted to are people who we picture as having a lot going for them and people who have personal traits we like. maybe we would even want to emulate some of their personal traits!

in your case, you appear to be very special. you love this girl, but you know that what she's doing is extremely destructive. you're right to hate the behaviour and not the person. i still wonder what about this person is so powerful to you? honestly, it kind of concerns me a bit, because i know how consuming depressive people can be and how they can totally pull everyone around them right down with them.

just be very careful to keep your head on straight and to keep your heart at enough of a distance to allow her to fix her own problems. if she realizes she can take you down and if she knows that you care that much about her, her disease will likely try to take you down with her. not to be mean (she'd never do that...right) but just because there are elements of her disease that lend themselves to consuming other ppl.

be very careful sweetie.
jasmine
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Users who thank Jazzy77 for this post: Toxic 

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replied December 21st, 2008
thanks
Jazzy77 wrote:
here's another concern of mine. what about this girl is so attractive to you? usually, people we're attracted to are people who we picture as having a lot going for them and people who have personal traits we like. maybe we would even want to emulate some of their personal traits!
in your case, you appear to be very special. you love this girl, but you know that what she's doing is extremely destructive. you're right to hate the behaviour and not the person. i still wonder what about this person is so powerful to you?


I really love her personality(above all) and how she cares for everything around her (i.e. animals, nature), and we've known each other for quite some time. i guess if what your asking is, " is it love or lust; what you see?" its love. btw, thanks for the advice.
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replied December 21st, 2008
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you're very welcome Toxic. please let us know how things go in the coming days/weeks.

you sound like an awesome person with a heart made of gold. i hope this works out well for you. let me know if i can be of any help to you.
jasmine
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replied February 12th, 2009
Help her and help your self
Ocd bipolar and other mental heath issues are very difficult for the people who have them and also for the people who love them ,care for them.
From my experence of being married to a woman with OCD and Bipolar . Who I loved but now divorced from her (14yrs to getther 3yrs apart). Love her but realize one day you will probably part ways. I never wanted her to go but she did ,her choice.. keep your heart intact... and investigate healthy love verse toxic love. wish you well
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replied February 12th, 2009
I know were you are at and please understand this DO NOT beg her to stop cutting it will only make her feel guilty and then she will cut more. please don't tell her it hurts you because now its hurting you and her. learn about why people do it and learn how to help stop. Google is your friend it will have more info on it than i could tell because I've looked and I've used the info for not only helping others stop but to help my self and i know what its like to hear from you lover that your hurting them and trust me if you love her and want to help her don't beg and distrust.
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replied February 12th, 2009
hi
these are mental disorders and she should seek professional support...the thing is though sadly in life sometimes somethings cannot be fully cured and all she can do is acquire 'coping mechanisims'
I think she should get a referral from the doctor to see a specialist...Confronting the problem and finding a solution or coping mechanisim required. Your love for her and your reassurance although must be some comfort will not resolve her mental problems.
She must want to be helped also. And i think professional help immediately is so critical to stop progression of the illness and to unloaded the chaos and upset she must be dealing with...put it this way if her problems are affecting her daily functionality then she is rightfully due medical professional support. If you want to help her then go talk to a professional and also research it on google. Goodluck and you sound like a diamond! a lucky girl in that respect!
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