Hello, I'm a 22 year old female, and I believe I suffer from anxiety, depression, and possibly bipolar. I dated a 25 year old young man for four years, we were engaged for one year, and he just broke up with me this past weekend.

I'm not going to ask for dating advice in particular because I know that's not what this forum is for, but a lot of my problems were directly related to the relationship. We lived together for three years. My anxiety and depression were so bad that I wouldn't leave the house without him. My mood swings were so bad that I would lash out at him for every little thing that he did (or didn't do). It was to the point that we spent every waking moment that he wasn't at school together. I wasn't working because I was too afraid to leave the house and I wasn't in school because I'd gotten denied and was too depressed to try again. I was jealous of when he'd hang out with friends so he just kind of... stopped, I guess.

I am currently on Xanax for the anxiety, and it's helped slightly. (I only wish I'd gotten on it sooner, the doctor only just prescribed it... after the breakup.) My only hope is finding a psychiatrist that my insurance will cover, otherwise it is not feasible.

I'm going to try talking to him in another couple of weeks, maybe a month, to try and see if we can work things out. When I wasn't sick, we were amazing together, but when I was, he couldn't handle it. I definitely need medication of some kind, I'm sure. It's not severe to the point that I would scream and break things, but I would be cruel and nasty, and I hated being that person. I am not that person.

Does anyone have any suggestions for things I could try? Methods to reduce my stress levels and keep myself from lashing out quite so much?

Thank you so much for your time. I just really want to get better, and I want more than anything to make this work.
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First Helper Barto

replied April 28th, 2012
Im gonna be brutally honest with you, you sound FAR to aware to be bipolar. But since you sound like you might actually be trying to do something to make yourself better, I will give you some advice. I have been married to someone with bipolar for the last 6 years, together for 8 years. She takes xanax like its candy and is on seroquel, lamictal, requip, and heart medication. And the only thing that she cant seem to come to grips with is that, she is bipolar and it is NEVER going away. Now, I am not bipolar, so I dont know if its the disease or what, but she seems incapable of having moments of reflection or awareness.

She thinks her mood swings are "ok" and that I should just "get over it". Thats not reasonable and over time, it WILL end your relationship. At first I did get over it...and then after a while, you just get SO tired of having to change everything you do to appease this person( stop hanging out with friends?? ) not cool. You get sick of having to watch every word you say, just to get yelled at anyway...I cant do anything right and over time, its only gotten worse and worse. To the point where you as the person living with a Bipolar individual, you finally just shut down emotionally. Its your only option.

MY suggestion to you is that if you EVER want any sort of normal, healthy relationship, that you REALLY try to understand what is going on with you, and also, how bipolar affects the people you are with. IT MATTERS. And if you trully want what you say you want, you cant just go through life like a tornado, ripping peoples lives apart. Every word matters, every action, matters.

I hope you can read this with an open heart as I honestly hope the best for you. It MUST be incredibly hard to deal with bipolar and Im sorry you have to go through it. Do what you know in your heart is right and dont let your impulses guide you. They are ALWAYS wrong. I hope this helps, Barto.
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replied May 7th, 2012
Thank you, Barto. I will admit, the awareness I've felt the last few weeks has been completely abnormal for me. I used to know I had the mood swings but I did just shrug them off and assume they were no big deal, but a big part of that was him shrugging them off as well.

I really need to work on not acting on my impulses, and keeping my thoughts to myself. I've lost a lot more friends due to the breakup and my actions after the fact, and a big part of me just wants to start over, but I don't know how much of an option that really is at this point in time.

I was diagnosed by a doctor once, refused medication very vehemently because I didn't want to "ingest their poisons" and things just went steadily downhill from there. It does run in the family on my mother's side, though, and I'm very positive that I've got this problem, even with my awareness.

The hardest part is people calling me a psychopath and other hurtful things, when I feel like I'm a genuinely kind person on the inside. I never mean to hurt others and before the birth control brought these hormones to the surface, I'd never have outrageous mood swings like these.

Again, thank you for your words and advice.

EDIT: I have since been put on Depakote, I forgot to mention.
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