Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

Bipolar boyfriend left again and I had been warned (Page 2)


May 2nd, 2011
well here I am again left in the dust... as always wondering why, what did I do, why am I not good enough? I feel awful, this has taken so much life out of me.. I don�t know what keeps me going, why I still exist always to be tormented by all this... I know I have done things in my life that I�m not proud of.. is this my karma?? Am I destine to be like this the rest of my life? all I want is to be loved is that asking for to much?? this has gone on for so long I don�t even know what is normal anymore... all this pain is too much to bear any more.. I can�t seem to talk to my family anymore because of all this... everything has fallen to the way side and I feel so alone, who do I talk to I have no one!! this is all my fault, I should have never let it get this far, why is it I keep letting her back?? I don�t know.. this has gone on for so long........ this is the worst iv have ever felt... i need help i cant deal with this on my own...
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replied May 2nd, 2011
Experienced User
rtj, I absolutely understand you. I also dont know how to stop loving him and wanting him and getting him back. My self esteem is sooooooooooooooooooooo low because he does not know if he wants me or not, he behaves like if he wants me but says otherwise, he hurts me, but keeps phoning me and giving me all his attention and wanting to see me again, but at the same time his words hurt me terribly, he says he is going to find another woman, he says the woman he saw in September was sexier than me, however, it is me he is with and not her, its me he calls frequently, its me he says he has feelings for,and I know im sexy, beautiful and a very good woman any man would have, but not him.
It is trully terrible.
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replied May 2nd, 2011
Experienced User
This reminds me a lot of what just happened with my girlfriend of nearly two years. I have read so much about bipolar disorder lately, since I realized that was the root of the problem.

Technically, I am not even sure that we are "broken up", although she will not return my phone calls and replies to my messages with short, curt answers, if at all. I thought I had found my soul mate, and most of the past two years have been very good. It is scary that, out of the blue, they can just "fall out of love" with you in a week. I think it was the stress of working two jobs that triggered a depressive phase.

The bottom line is that making a relationship work with a bipolar person takes a huge commitment from both partners. The "sick" person has to make a commitment to get better, to follow a plan, and to adjust that plan when it needs adjusting. The "well" person needs to have a really thick skin, and be able to deal with all the hurtful words and actions that a bipolar person can dish out, and understand that their partner loves them, but the disorder can often be stronger than the love.

I really wish my girlfriend would start talking to me again, because we have so much in common and she has become my best friend over the past two years. However, I know that I have to stop seeing her in the way I used to. As long as she refuses to get real treatment, I can never allow myself to have a committed, monogamous relationship with her again. I have no idea what she thinks our relationship status is now, or how she justifies just ignoring me. I am confident it is the bipolar disorder, and she will not get help for it. It is so sad. I have been so torn up because she is such a sweet, great person. It is so scary that someone can have a disease that will allow them to shut out friends and loved ones so easily.
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replied May 3rd, 2011
Experienced User
Yes, they do exactly that, they just get you out of their lives, they can get another person easily, they have no idea of monogamy. It is terribly sad.
They do come back to you, though.
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replied May 3rd, 2011
Experienced User
To be fair, not all bipolar people are like that and plenty of mentally healthy people are.

Cheating happens in normal relationships, and there are probably plenty of bipolar people who have never cheated on their partner.

The disease (especially those with full blown mania) does tend to increase the likelihood of infidelity, but you cannot always blame infidelity on the disease, although from what I have read of your story, it does seem very likely that the disease has been playing a significant role.

Every person is different, every personality is different, every moral compass is different, and every manifestation of the disease is different.
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replied May 4th, 2011
another one of those days with the drama of not knowing what she wants i am always the one that pays the price for this as im typing i am balling my eyes out wishing so much thing could be differant but i am stuck with the fear that if i let her back into my life this will start all over again she has promissed me so many time that this time is for real but that only last for a moment then it falls apart all over again my life in the past 5 years has been flipped upside down so many times i dont even know what is normal anymore i have never felt as bad as i do now i feel like an outcast someone that has no meaning or purpus... how at one point im so needed then im so disposable and thrown away... my heart is so broken i dont think i will ever recover from this for the wound runns very deep,,, i find myself slipping into a major depression myself i cant seem to get my hands around this i feel so lost anymore........
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replied May 4th, 2011
I can't begin to describe how helpful all the posts have been. They have been very eye opening and scary at the same time. I am sorry you all have endured this great deal of pain, and I pray that God will show you the right path to take(preaching to myself).

I have recently started dating someone with bipolar. We have known each other for a few years now, but went to different colleges so we just started dating once he moved back in with his parents. On our 3rd date he told me he was diagnosed with bipolar a few years ago. He was forced to take medication for a while but is no longer taking any medications because he strongly believes he doesn't have it and the diagnosis was based off of jealousy (long story). Anyways, since his diagnosis he has lost almost all of his friends and his family didn't stand by him so he learned how to cope with it himself.

Things have gotten better for him over the years. During the time we have spent together, I felt that the diagnosis may really be a mistake as well. Everything has been perfect when we are together. He is a good christian boy, who doesn't believe in premartial sex, and I don't think he'll cheat on me but after reading all of these posts, I'm starting to have some doubts; he hasn't given me any reason to doubt, but may it overcome him one day? Regardless, he treats me wonderfully and we have talked about our future together. I know he loves me and I'm falling in love with him too. Which is why him breaking up with me was a complete shock and heart break.

I had told him I was going out of town to visit family for a week and after a day of being away he told me he was breaking up with me and refuses to talk to me now. He hasn't given me any reason as to why he suddenly changed his mind so there hasn't been any closure. This break up is making my time with family so difficult because I can only think about going back and being able to talk to him in person since he doesn't answer any of my other messages.

I don't know what to do. Should I just leave now before I fall deeper in love? I don't want to leave him, like everyone else has. I know I'm one of the few people he has in his life but I don't know if I can deal with this. I'm only 20 years old and I know I still have my whole life ahead of me but I care for him more than I have ever cared for anyone else. I really see a future with him, he's a great guy with a strong future, he seems to know what he wants in life. I am so confused. Should I ask him to go back to a psychiatrist to see if it truly was a misdiagnosis or if its not, hsee if he'll go back on meds? Do the meds really help? I don't know what to do, so I'm hoping that someone that has an experience dealing with a loved one that has bipolar could give me any advice.

Thanks for reading Smile.
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replied May 5th, 2011
Leave
No one has responded to my message but let me tell you my boyfriend says he's not bipolar either but he shows all the signs. At this point I don't even know why I'm calling him my bf when he hasn't responded to my calls or emails and on the 15th of this month it will be 2 months now since I last spoke or seen him. Although I've been speaking to his mom who claims he cares for me but is shutting her out too I have no clue what to think. I'm like you I want closure! So I can move on w/ my life. I can't think of anything since he has last cursed me out and called me all types of names and then went MIA. I hate talking on the phone cause everytime I look at the phone its not him. He and his mom aren't even talking now. I asked her when they are back on speaking terms can she ask him to call me and she said yes. That was sometime last week. No word! At this point you are young as you said 20. Well, I'm 30 and he's 24. I want to get married and have kids. I don't have anymore time to waste and I'm pissed I let myself get so deep into something w/ someone younger who is not mentally stable. I'm glad I took the morning after pill twice cause having a kid and dealing w/ all these ups and downs w/ him would be worst. I can't speak for all bipolar people but I know mine is a cheater and a liar. I can only imagine who he is w/ right now or what he is up too. That right there hurts the hell out of me cause I have been very faithful. He has always came back to me but right now I don't think he will because its been a month going on two months now. When I don't hear him from him its like a week or two not months. He won't take medicine so I have no clue if it will work for him or not. All I know is that I've been praying to God to remove him from my thoughts so I can get my life back on track. I love him but at this point love shouldn't hurt like this. My advice to you would be to move on. I wish I was your age again because I would have done things a lot differently. Trust me as someone older you don't want to be my age and dealing w/ this crazy pattern. Yes, they are great people and its that side that makes you want to stay but just look at the big picture w/ us all we are on the internet spilling out our problems because family and friends no longer want to hear it. Instead we should be embracing our love to our family and friends and enjoying life w/ the person we are in love with. That right there is a red sign flag to move on to all of us!!!! I've told my whole story here w/ him and again I'm glad I'm still healthy despite having to take HIV test every 3 months now because of his risky behavior. That part of him leaving with no word or reason is making me say I can't do this anymore. I'm just going to read other responses until I continue to get stronger as their partners do return and mine is well MIA. I hope you make the right decision and I wish you all the luck in the world.
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replied May 5th, 2011
Experienced User
I do not claim to understand exactly why bipolar people are more likely to cheat, but I doubt the illness can make you cheat anymore than being drunk can.I do think it makes it more likely for people who might otherwise be faithful to lose control.

Think about infidelity like food. Some people will eat even when they are not hungry, because it is pleasurable, regardless of the potential negative consequences. Some people will die of starvation surrounded by food if they are on a hunger strike. Hunger does not directly cause anyone to eat, it just makes it much more difficult to avoid the temptation. The fact is, a lot of mentally healthy individuals have been in a monogamous relationship and cheated on their partner. Bipolar (hypo)manic episodes can make it more likely, but I suspect the person's underlying personality, ethics, and moral beliefs have a lot more to do with it than the illness.

Should you leave him? All I can really tell you is that there is a good chance that this will not be the last time he shuts you out. If you are willing to recognize that it is probably the illness driving the behavior and stand by him, you should also recognize that bipolar disorder rarely improves without treatment and it often worsens with time.

I have come to realize over this past month of my former fiance not calling me and rarely even responding to my messages that if the person does not love themselves, love their families, and love you enough to commit to a psychiatrist-approved plan to get healthy, then maybe the best thing to be is friends. I love her more than I have ever loved anyone. It was really sobering that after two mostly good years, she could just shut me out for no rational reason. I will still see her, and I will still be more than friends with her if I am not seeing anyone, but unless she cares enough about me, her family, and herself to make a commitment to get better, I will never marry her.
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replied May 5th, 2011
Cogito, I understand what you're saying. It's all so new to me and after reading other people's posts, I'm feeling overwhelmed. As far as cheating goes, only time would be able to tell. He is a jealous bf and is not afraid to say something to me if he thinks I'm even flirting with someone else. I'm not sure of his past relationships, but he does seem faithful. But I understand that he has a greater chance of cheating on me during one of his episodes.

I think it would be difficult for him to get on a regimen because he doesn't think he has bipolar. Since there is no "real" diagnostic tool for it, I'm not sure how someone can convince him that he has it. Plus when he was on medications, he said there were horrible side effects (one reason I think many BP end up getting off medications).

I want to remain friends with him, I just don't know if I can because I care so deeply for him already. He needs people in his life that care for him since his family pretty much brush him off. This is such a horrible situation. I'm so sorry about your fiance, I can't imagine how it would feel like to be shut off by someone you've been dating for so long. My bf and I have only been dating for a few months and I feel like a wreck already. Amd the thought of this happening again is unbearable, but I've fallen for him and I just don't know if I can let him go that easily.
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replied May 5th, 2011
Oh, and does bipolar improve with treatment? Or does it just make it more bearable to live with/make episodes less extreme? I wish there was some magical cure.
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replied May 5th, 2011
Experienced User
I am not certain that there is a guarantee of improvement with any medical treatment, but the probability that the condition will improve is greatly increased and the probability that the condition will worsen is greatly decreased.

From what I have read, there is a very limited understanding of the neurological basis for bipolar disorder and there is a very limited understanding of the biochemical mechanisms that enables the physical treatments to work.

There is no cure for bipolar disorder and spontaneous remission is very rare, but yes, with the proper treatment plan, careful monitoring, and active participation of the patient in their own recovery, treatments are likely to improve the condition. That does not mean the episodes will go away necessarily, just that they will tend to be more manageable and therefore less of a burden on friends, family, and loved ones.

Oh, and there are real diagnostic tools to diagnose someone as bipolar. There just is not a simple, highly reliable physical test like for pregnancy or HIV. You cannot be diagnosed as an alcoholic by peeing on a stick, but that does not mean alcoholism does not exist. I think my former fiance was the same way, she felt that if she was not hearing voices or otherwise psychotic that she was just depressed and it was normal.

I guess the best way to convince someone would be to have them see a psychiatrist, be diagnosed, and have the psychiatrist give a detailed explanation of how that diagnosis was reached.
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replied May 6th, 2011
Actresslady

I feel your pain more than you know, I agree.. I dont know whats worse that they leave and come back over and over again?? or they leave all together and drop you like a fly...no calls or messages or nothing... how is it that we are so disposable???one moment your the most important person in there life then the next your lower than dirt... mine is gone again and its always on her terms, but this time after 5 years I had to end it for good.. all the lying cheating manipulation and all the depression, dont want to ever to take control of her issues has gotten to be to much for me... to live a life in fear of what mood is she in? or what can I do to keep her from slipping back into her dipression..or is she taking her meds..or is she telling her doc everything thats going on with her..she tells me she dont know why she does this... it is soooo heart breaking to watch this go on over an over again..its time to simply let go and move on.. that doesnt mean I dont love her because I do!!! very much!! this has become just to painful for me I feel like im the one thats crazy..I found a poem that I sent her that comes from my heart I will share it with everyone...

To my Honey


You love a person so very much,
You remember feeling that tingly touch.

You want to be with them everyday,
You want to take time out to just play.

What happened to that special spark,
The walks on the beach, holding hands in the dark.

Feeling so hurt when you leave,
You were just something I wanted to believe.

Your tearing my heart, all apart,
Sometimes I feel I need a fresh start.

Can't stand your ups and downs of life,
Been through so much, with all your troubles, and so much strife!

It's not that I don't love you so,
It's when you just disappear and decide to go.

You rip my heart all in two,
Left for days, which makes me feel just oh so blue.

I want to escape to a different place,
To imaging a loving hug and a warm embrace.

I so want to feel that loving touch,
That look and kiss that means so much.

How do I let go of so many years,
Sharing all the memories, wiping away tears.

I'm sick of feeling just oh so blue,
But I know down deep I'll always love you!


I have been so devistated over this, now I have tell myself I have done everything I can to be there for her.. she is the one that abanded me!!!! to pick up all the pieces by my self as always.. I am a broken person know and the only one that can fix it is me...I pray every day for her and that god shows me the path to go on... to live in constant fear and worrie is no way to live....
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replied May 6th, 2011
Thank you so much everyone. I really wish the best for all of us. It's very difficult to move on, but I think the hardest part is not having any closure since we get shut out for no reason.

I've been feeling better about leaving him for good. I'm not sure because this is the first time he has shut me out, but he shows all the signs that he can very well do it again. I don't see how one day you tell someone you love them and the next you break things off and never call again. I feel like a wreck. I miss him. Secretely I'm still hoping he will call and apologize, but after reading everyone's experience, I think it would be best if I ignore it when he does.

Actresslady, I agree that no one deserves to deal with someone with such a crazy pattern. I mean on top of that worrying if they took their medication or not is just more stress and as a student I don't know if I can handle anymore additional stressors. well anyways, I babbled enough here.

I wish you all the best.
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replied May 8th, 2011
Experienced User
I think that is the worst part. You get shut out for no valid reason and they act like what happened is normal.
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replied May 8th, 2011
Experienced User
I think that is the worst part. You get shut out for no valid reason and they act like what happened is normal.
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replied May 8th, 2011
Keep Ya Head Up
Cogito and Nessa _V its good again to know I'm not alone. I really feel for you Cogito. You invested 5 yrs of your time w/ the ups and downs. Me on the other hand I've only invested one yr and trust me I've learned more then I did in my 20's @ just how somebody can put your life @ risk and then have the nerve to accuse you of nothing and then just up and walk away. Yes, they make you feel like the crazy one when its really them. Pretty much they are never healed that's the way I feel and without meds its just worst. I'm trying to stay as busy as I can to stop thinking about him. Like I said I'm not sure if he's coming back or not but @ this point its been a month and I give up. I went to hell and back for him and to be treated like I'm nothing is not cool. Its crazy just 2 days before leaving me he was in LOVE w/ me now no communication no nothing. I can't continue to stay w/ someone like that. I truly deserve better and I think you should just give up Cogito. Don't date either cause all that does is push you toward more drama cause your heart really wasn't there in the first place. Grieve over her, write out your problems here until you can move on. I know it hurts and I'm feeling the same over here as well. You seem like a good guy and I doubt she will ever really see that without being on her meds all the time. All of us on here deserve better. I'm just glad I found this place and know that I am not alone. I've never seen someone just not say that its over and have closure just pow goodbye after cursing you out like a piece of crap. Its really sad cause these people are good people and very intelligent just can't keep their moods in order and sometimes lack feeling what's so ever. Anyway I will keep him in my prayers but I just have a feelings its best for me to walk from this and never look back. No matter how much I'm in love. Keep ya head up guys.
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replied May 8th, 2011
Experienced User
It was only two years, not five, but still. . . I just cannot stop thinking about her. I feel betrayed because we never really had a serious, honest discussion about her illness. Sure, I heard bits and pieces here and there: she used to take Lithium, she wanted me to handle the money, she used to shut herself in her house for weeks and ignore friends and family. . .

I never really understood what that meant until now, and I feel betrayed that she never really thought that I should know that part of her, even after I bought her an engagement ring and asked her to marry me. Maybe it was because it was the first really serious relationship for both of us. Maybe she thought that because she was so in love, she would never cycle again.

I guess I am lucky that her case were so "mild." She never cursed me out. Sometimes she would snap, but she was almost always very loving and caring. I know it is the disorder and that she is going through a very difficult time, probably a time where she could really use someone like me. It hurts just to be shut out with almost no contact. It hurts to be ignored, to know she is sick and she will not let me help her.

Don't feel guilty if you decide to walk away. It is not their fault they have the disease, but at the same time, there is no reason that you should feel obligated to stay, or to take them back. The worst part is that even though I know she will survive fine without me, I also know that she would probably lead a much happier life with me. I think by the time she realizes that, it will be too late.

She seems to be on a six month cycle between depression and hypomania. Maybe I did not notice it the first year because she was so madly in love with me that it counteracted the triggers for the depression. I forgive her, but I cannot forget this, because I know that unless she makes some major changes or has a serious epiphany, she is going to keep doing this to me, or to someone else.

Six months ago I was so happy. I thought I had found the perfect woman. I was going to get married before thirty and live happily ever after. What I learned? Successful relationships are hard enough; mental illness makes them almost impossible.
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replied May 16th, 2011
Cogito, I really feel for you and I wish you all the best finding a woman who will return Real love to you...you sound like a kind and passionate person who really deserves the same in return. Your bi-polar ex-girlfriend does not know what she does really and can not give that to you... thank your lucky stars and God above for sparing you from a long life of misery. I spent 15 wasted years with my ex-husband with bi-polar and he never changed with his relationships with others when I finally got the light-bulb moment at 30 and left him.
Take care and good luck, you will find the woman of your dreams out there.
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replied May 9th, 2011
Good News
Now you are speaking sense to me and yourself Cogito! Relationships are always up and down but yes w/ mental illness its even worst and mostly down. We can't even figure these people out. All we are stuck in is what they said I love you, how they acted when they were in love w/ us and now nothing. Do you want to be 30 and unhappy? I'm already 30 and my answer is no! I want someone who is going to be stable and there for me just like I'm there for them. Its clear we aren't going to get this. I can post all his promises on here and still make no sense out of it. I even pointed that out to him in emails and still no response. At this point no response = moving on. We have no choice. In your case you are a man and there is a huge number of women to choose from vs on my end. Women out number men and you will find the right one. Yes, its going to be too late for her but no for you. Its May now enjoy the summer and most of all enjoy yourself. Ok so now you are saying 2 yrs so we close to being in the same boat. Enjoy life and don't think of getting into another relationship. Its clear all of us on here have some type of low self esteem that we need to fix before the next love of our lives enters. Let's heal right now for the heart break and build ourselves up. I'll never know if he really cared or what but at this point I want to fix my problems so this type of love will never enter my life anymore. I'm tired of being in pain when it comes to love. I just want something right or at be able to deal w/ it when its over. I'm seeking therapy now and I will continue to do so to keep a balance for myself. I know how you feel trust me and I'm thankful for this site and I wish I found it before I was dumped without being told I was dumped. That way I could have made sense of this earlier and been ok when things went the way it did. You will be fine! God don't put no more on us then we can handle. Be thankful this woman hasn't taken you to the clinic and scared the crap out of you since you been w/ her. It has happened to me and I refuse to let someone like him enter my life again and turn it upside down. It will be 2 months on the 15th and I'm fighting hard to forget him yet pray for him at the same time. Why because I do love him but its clear he has lost love somewhere down the line for himself. I would hate to hear later in life that he has caught something due to his illness that could have been controlled had he got help and stuck w/ it. So I pray he get's help for his problem and works things out for the next person. If not God help her and him. I'm done despite still caring so much. Its good to hear you talking like you care about self first and her last. At the end of the day that's all you got is you. So happy to hear a change in your voice for the better. You can do it and so can I.
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replied May 10th, 2011
Experienced User
The irony is that, from what I read, her case seems pretty mild (especially for someone who is pretty much untreated).

I have learned a lot. As soon as I am done with finals, I am going to send her an email telling her that I am going to see other people. I doubt she will respond since she does not respond to 90% of my attempts to communicate with her, but I feel I owe her that at least.

I hope she gets better and wants to be friends, but I know now that I can never believe that she will be able to follow through on anything she promises me. In a way, the end of the engagement was probably fortuitous, because I would hate to think about how badly things would be going for the two of us if we had gotten married.

I know now that even if her mood changes and she wants something serious again, I will have to say no. I love her. She is a good person, and I believe she is honest with me about what she wants. The problem is, what she wants changes with her moods, and her moods change with the season, and I cannot live like that anymore. Maybe one day, if she can show me (through actions, not words) that she is really committed to getting better, I might consider it. For her own sake, and for the sake of her friends and family, I hope that day is soon. It is ironic how much she wants me to come and take care of her when she is physically sick, but when she is mentally sick, all she wants to do is push me away. The irony that even if I were in a happy relationship with soomeone else, if she really needed a friend to take care of her, to help her get better, I would be there, because my concern for her is genuine.
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replied May 15th, 2011
Applause
Well, I'm glad 2 hear all this from you. Keep me updated as how you are doing and I'll do the same. Again I still think about him all day everyday still no word. I've finally decided to cut his mom off as well because hanging or talking w/ her only makes me think of him and I don't want to hear my son still loves you from her when he doesn't act like it at all. This is a rough time for me as I'm starting up my own business and all my friends are falling in love and I'm back to being single again. I don't know why I was so dumb to think that things would be great w/ this guy. Anyway it seems to me your gf has bpd rather then bipolar but again I'm no head doctor. You should look that up its borderline personality disorder. Anyway I'm glad you are talking in good spirits now and I hope you can keep yourself together. Whether you take her back or not just remember you are the sane person in this relationship and you can't consume your whole life on her anymore because it will bring you down. I wish you all the best w/ your journey in life and I pray you find someone who will complete you vs giving you half and half complete and confusion. We as human beings deserve to be loved and loving back. Being with someone bipolar is a war of love and fight. Its good times and bad and only someone who is strong can deal w/ these people. I feel bad for your gf and my ex bf right now cause they have cut two loving people out of their lives and its said to say things will only get worst w/ them until they realize that medicine is their only choice in getting help and to keep lasting friendships and relationships. Again I've been praying every night for him to get better and for me to get over him and for God to bring me the right soul mate. To let my mind focus on me and my business until I'm successful and can deal w/ another relationship. Hope you having a lovely weekend and that you are indeed building up steps to move on from this madness. Wishing you much continued blessings.
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replied May 15th, 2011
Experienced User
I am not sure they still "love" you the way that most people people would view love. It seems like the romantic love (the kind that is present in the beginning of most relationships that is thought to be triggered by certain neurotransmitters that are also thought to become unbalanced in bipolar people during episodes) just kind of disappears or is highly suppressed. After people have been in relationships for a while though, that chemical "romantic" love is pretty diluted anyway and the love is primarily based on memory engrams (many of which are related to feelings of romantic love). I can only guess what goes on in their head, but it probably overwhelms that too.

I think that is also why a lot of them keep coming back, because they lose those feelings of love during episodes of depression and then when their mood stabilizes, the love comes back, and they regret what they have done.

All mine will say is that, "we shouldn't talk for a while," no rational explanation given. I doubt she has BPD because I have never witnessed a change in her basic personality, just extreme changes in her mood. I have a feeling that if I had not told her that I thought the underlying was her disorder, but I think it is important that she hears the truth, especially since I know one family member she trusts has told her something similar. I dismissed it at the time because I thought the disease (which we never really talked about) was something that was "cured", but now I realize that there is no cure and almost all people with the disorder suffer from it for the rest of their lives.

I do not know whether she needs medicine. From what I have read, there are some cases where the side effects of medication may outweigh the benefits, but I do know that she needs a treatment plan overseen by a psychiatrist. I wish I had known that back when she still gave a damn what I said. I think she believes that if she is not experiencing full-blown mania and hearing voices or something like that (and I strongly suspect she has type II bipolar disorder), then she is just "depressed" like everyone gets and needs to work through it on her own.

I still get depressed sometimes, but I just keep telling myself that as bad as it feels, coming to terms about the truth of her disorder now has saved me a lot of problems. I still worry about her a lot and do not know what to tell my family about her. I almost feel like telling them that she committed suicide, because I think I would be feeling pretty much the same if that happened. There is no closure, and there is no way to really understand what was going through her head.
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replied May 21st, 2011
Feeling better!
Well, its clear to me they don't love period. The way they up and roll out on people who love them and say mean things proves that. I'm w/ Taximomi run and run fast. At this point I'm hoping I never do hear a word from him. Its still clear I have feelings for him and I just might do something stupid like go back so he can do this again and at my age I'm too old to play the back and forth game. Anyway how are you holding up? Last Sunday marked 2 months of us not speaking and him being MIA. I had him on my mind as I was on the highway going to get my nails done and needless to say I got in a terrible car accident wrecked my car and came out alive w/ no injuries just a lot of pain. At this point I'm still praying to God to erase him from my mind. I'm a new person after being given a second chance to live. I'm hoping God brings me the right man a sane man on my next round of a relationship. I'm also praying that when I find that man this will be the end for me looking and finally settling down and getting married. Wishing the same for you as well.
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replied May 21st, 2011
Experienced User
Sorry to hear about the accident. I have found it difficult to concentrate too sometimes, though it is more on the more complicated mental work like writing code or running statistical analyses rather than simple things like driving.

Luckily for me, I get most of the summer off from school and work. I'm going to leave the country for a while to clear my head. I still think about her a lot, but I think the depression is over, at least for me.

I told her last week that I was going to start seeing other people. I do not know if she read my email, but I feel I have satisfied my obligation. She has not called me for almost seven weeks now. Last week she messaged me (in response to me asking her what I did that was so horrible that she stopped talking to me) to tell me that we should not speak for a while. I think, for my own sake, I am just going to leave her alone, because it is obvious she does not think that she wants my help, and I live too far away to try to "force" it on her, which I have been reading is the "right" thing to do when they go through episodes, but I have done all that I reasonably can to try to help her.
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replied May 21st, 2011
Sounds good!
Good for you. Also lucky you leaving the country. I won't be able to get away until my b day and that's in September. I just stopped calling and emailing. I'm not even responding to his mother's calls. Right now I need a car and that is my focus. It seems as though you have woke up and its about time to move on. 7 weeks w/ you and 2 months for me. We both have done our very best. There's no helping others who don't want help. They are going to continue on this path until they are all alone and have no other choice but to seek help. I don't even want to look at another man right now. Just so tired! I went through hell and back w/ him and took him back every time but never got the same thing even when I didn't do anything. Keep in touch as I will do the same. Maybe we'll both have a success story soon.
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replied May 16th, 2011
Reggiane Experienced User
April 1st, 2011
Here we go


Read more: Bipolar Disorder Forum - Bipolar boyfriend left again and I had been warned .....

RUN, Run while you can!! I sure wish I had somebody to give me this advice 32 years ago!!
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