Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

Bipolar boyfriend left again and I had been warned (Page 6)


April 23rd, 2013
I Left My B.F. Four Times and This Time I Feel For Good.. Like many of you have experienced with being involved with someone whom has bio-polar it has completely drained me. First off let me say that he does take a medication but it's only 75mg's a day of serequel, he refuses to up his dose because he says it effects his sex drive and makes him lazy and he refuses to go to counseling.. I Was in a relationship with him for almost 6 years and lived with him for three years of which was a emotional roller coaster ride for me... It got to the point I felt like I was walking on egg-shells constantly in which is no way to live. He would have rages and I remember when I first met him he was so sweet loving and quite charming, but I also remember once we had been involved for 6 months he told me "I Do Not Ever Want To Scare You" And at that time I did not know what he meant.. But after moving in with him I soon realized what he was meaning... I never could just talk to him about a problem even if I was being "Civil" He accused me of Wanting to Fight which was never the truth... He made me cry more than he made me laugh and even at times would laugh at me for crying. Ever So Often he would accuse me of lying or stealing or misplacing his items and then later on he would find where he had put them. When something did go wrong or upset him it was always my fault.. Then there would be days he would just be so silent and cold and distant. I never really knew what to expect from him.. I finally grew tired of it all and even though I Loved Him and I Still Do.. I had to remove myself from the situation and take care of me, I honestly felt like I was loosing what sanity I had left.

My son whom lived with us he is 16 can't stand him and My adult daughter despises him as well, so that did not help matters but he did not try to involve himself with their lives, it was all about him and his needs, wants and his family was more important to him than mine...

I Never felt the freedom to be truly me while living with him.. He hated me on the phone for very long.. He hated me on the computer, I wasn't even allowed to use the dryer to dry my clothes, He was paranoid it would run the Electric Bill High Sky.

So Now After Leaving him I Feel Numb Is This Normal???? And Is it Good or Bad To Feel This Way.
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replied June 8th, 2014
Experienced User
hi Sherby
you can now start to heal.be good to yourself. I am so glad you too this important step. I'm thinking of you.

how are you doing now?
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replied July 30th, 2015
Extremely eHealthy
He won't get help, won't take his meds, won't get counseling....stay away from him and get yourself back in condition........there is someone waiting for you to come along........don't look back you children need you. It is normal to feel numb. Every day will get better & better. He sounds very selfish and you can do better and you will. Special prayers for you to heal and take good care of yourself.
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replied June 20th, 2013
It will never end!
OK my experience. I met this wonderful man 2 years ago. He was upfront about being bipolar but since I didnt know what that was I thought " how bad can it be...I can handle it !".
Wow I found out soon how bad it could be. After 5 blissful months he dumped me over the phone after I " yelled at him ".
After 10 months he came back, we went to couples therapy and he was " so in love with me"
The stories are all so similar...starts out fabulous, the sex is the best ever, but soon the cracks start to show. I think they put on an act and they can sustain this act only for so long and then the cracks start to show.
I need to mention that he is under medical care. He takes a load of medication, sees a counsellor and a psychiatrist regularly.
To cut a long story short he dumped me again , this time by e mail!!! with mo reason except that he " had to make life decisions and that I did nothing wrong ".
After 6 weeks he came back again. This time it lasted 3 weeks.
Eventually he admitted that he was back in a " limited relationship " with his ex wife, another BP sufferer who cheated on him and broke his heart.
So my advice is. Leave, dont go back, dont take them back no matter how much you love them.
They are unstable and will break your heart over and over. Treated or untreated makes no difference.
He has tried suicide a few times, abuses alchohol and over the counter medication, lies and has a very selective memory.
They may not be " bad " people but they can never heal, this is a life long disease.
We all need to get over them, heal our own damaged hearts and move on with our lives. I did not think it was possible to feel the pain that I have felt and I will be afraid forever to get involved again as I never want to be hurt like this again....I will not survive this next time.
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replied June 22nd, 2013
Good Advise from Sam1709
SAM1709,
Very good advise. You and I were on the same road. I too chose to get over him and on with my life. I will never willingly get into another bipolar relationship. It is pure hell. There were sooo many reds flags, but I choose to ignore them. NEVER again. And yes, if you allow it, he will be back because they burn so many lives, they go back to the ones that will allow them to. Love yourself enough to stay away from him. Healing is quicker with no contact.
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replied June 8th, 2014
Experienced User
I believe exactly the same thing.
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replied June 27th, 2013
Here we go again
It does feel good to see there are other people out there dealing with someone they think is bipolar but has no idea they have it. I've have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, he's left mulitiple times out of the blue. The hardest part is loving them for the people they are and the things they tell us when "things are good". I thought it would get easier and I'd get more used to him doing this. But this time I actually realized it's getting harder, especially this time he was talking marriage, kids and meeting his parents before he left. The other hurdle is that he's a muslim so he also struggles with what his parents want and what he wants. He had a bad experience with his last and only girlfriend. He's been in the U.S. since he was 15 and his entire family lives here. I've always noticed that he gets down, doesn't sleep well some nights and just completely off the wall out of the blue. He says all of the same things to me that most of your loves say to you. It's very difficult to walk out on someone you love. I've just realized that this time I really just need to let him be. It's going to be ok and we should feel good about the love, patience and understanding that we've given them. Getting past the rejection and abandonment is the hardest part. Although we know it's not about us, it's hard to convince ourselves of that. I think we should suggest each other ways to cope to keep us from falling apart each time they leave. No matter how hard it is to motivate ourselves we must confide in our friends and family. Just get out and keep ourselves busy. Even if we can only lie in bed watching TV surfing the internet. Plan a weekend visit to see a friend. If your friends truly love you they will understand your pain and will let you go on and on about it. Keeping in contact with them during this period is only going to tear down our selfworth. We must take care of ourselves and love ourselves enough not to take it personally. Even if you aren't the most religious person, trust in God and know that for some reason even possibly our own safety that things need to be this way for right now. We need to heal each time better so that we can prepare ourselves for the next battle. I hope this helps to alleviate anyone that is now suffering because it hurts like hell.
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replied June 28th, 2013
Ok. I am one of the few people that does not feel like a raving lunatic from dealing with my bipolar boyfriend. I am happy and do not let anything he says to me bother me. I met my boyfriend (3rd time relationship) over seven years ago and got into a relationship with him. BACK THEN he annoyed me to no end and always had me crying. He broke up with me a month after my father's funeral. We got back together a few months later. We broke up again when he moved away. He got into some really weird stuff while he was away but he contacted me and I helped him get back home. We were seeing each other casually for months until he decided he (who doesn't do relationships) was in a relationship with a new girl. And this girl emailed me several times saying leave him alone (BUT HE WAS THE ONE CONTACTING ME). And I eventually stopped talking to him but 8 months ago he came back again begging and swearing he was different. The odd thing is that he told me this time that he is bipolar. He was diagnosed at 18. I swear it felt like a dam had broken and emptied all the water everywhere and I could suddenly SEE. I UNDERSTOOD. He isn't a jerk. I didn't imagine the awesome, brilliant, and confident man I once knew. That is the man I have known since November with the occasional bouts of depression and him telling me to get out (I stay with him sometimes). But I just IGNORE HIM. I suppose I had a lot of experience in dealing better with people like this after my father had his first stroke. He was moody, so I find it easier to deal with my bf. I talk to him. I cook for him. Ask him how he is feeling and he is so honest he tells me "Yes, I'm in a mood today." I call him Grumpy. Lol. He is not on medication but I am in the process of convincing him to get back on it. His job isn't that great, but mine is okay so we will be able to do it. All it takes is patience and faith and learning how to be just as stubborn as they are. My bf is bipolar II. I remind him everyday that I'm here, I would never hurt or abandon him and I love him. I remind him that he is worthy, even though he has an inflated ego already. Lol STAY STRONG..
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replied July 1st, 2013
Breaking up with Bi polar boy friend
I can relate to a lot of these experinces and pain. I met my ex-boyfriend more than 2 years ago. He was just coming out of hospital after being diagnosed bi-polar (he had an episode of mania which lasted for more than a week). He was going through a phase of depression when I met him first. He hated the fatc that he was brought to the city. By now he was already on mood stablisers. In the next 3-4 days after we met, he spoke of what great connection we have and wanted to go out with me. But within a week-10 days he came back saying we did not have enough to have a relationship or the chemistry. I stuck on to this new relationship and tried to convince him that it's too early to decide. I was also coming out of my 4 year marriage and was dealing with separation and divorce. Slowly things got better. He expressed his interest in me and felt close to me. He hated this city so he wanted to leave and go to the mountains. He kept convicing me to quit my job and go with him. I did go for a few days and during this trip when I got close to him and expressed my love for him, he withdrew almost immediately. He again said he did not think we were meant to be together. He said he did not want to be in a relationship. He was better off alone. Slowly things did get better. We did go through many ups and down and break-ups. There were times he felt very very close to me, saying that he would never find a girl like me and that he was so grateful I was there for him through this dark phase of his life. He also said that we should get married and move to the mountains and have children together. It would be lovely. I was toally in love with him by now and wanted to do everything to make him happy. But he kept dejecting me every now and then saying that we'd be better off as friends since we did not laugh a lot togehter and he saw no chemistry. And there were times when he would feel very close to me and wanted to see me everyday when he came back to the city. Later he went to Dubai for a 2 week assignment and again felt very close to me. We spoke to each other several times in a day and he said that althought he did not say that he loved me but his actions meant that and that he did not believe in these 3 words. By now he had stopped saying that we did not have enough to have a relationship or that we did not have the chemistry. It went on like this for some more time. Meanwhile he conected with his ex-girlfriend and they got very close and kept in touch. He kept saying that there was nothing going on between them. But he did say that he was close to her and she was a real good old friend of his. It was clear that he totally enjoyed being with this girl. While I stayed back in the city and we continued to be in an on and off long distance relationship, he stayed in the mountains. Whenever this girl went to visit him, he would totally disconnect from me, not take my calls and say that he was busy and that he needed space. December last year we broke up again and we were in sort of a gray zone where it was still open in a way, I think. We spoke to each other very often and he ketp saying that it will be great to have me there once I had quit my job. He would sometimes say things which suggested that he still wanted to be with me like 'when you grow old I think we will be together.' Around march end this girl decided to spend a month with my ex in the mountains. She knew about my feelings for him. But she chose to do this anyway. At this point, my ex was started a new project, sort of an art collective and lots of interesting things were going on there. And they seemed to have a great time together in the company of friends and visitors there. Now my ex almost forgot me and I panicked completely and would repeatedly call him. He was totally ignoring me. I knew something would happen but he hardly took my calls. One day he told me that they had gotten together. It was really hurtful. Because I quit my job to be with him and wanted to make our relationship work by moving to the mountains with him, but all this happened in the meanwhile. Now the girl has moved in with him for good. He says he wants to have children with her which is exactly what he had told me too last year. And he says that since they have known each other for 8 years he is very serious about her and it feels like a dream come true for him and that there is so much love in the mountains. I feel very dejected and feels like both my ex and this girls have cheated me. I don't know if this his being bi-polar will come in the way of this new relationship he is in. They live together now and he is very happy and forgotten me, who he used to say saved him from the dark phase he was in. I have a feeling he is himself tapering down his mood stabilizers and may be that he has stopped taking them. He has been smoking marijuana for a long time now, even did MDMA while on his mood stabilisers. I don't know what will happen to him. May be he will live happily for the rest of his life with is new girlfriend. But I am totally shattered and so shocked at his indifference. I visited a clinical pyschologist and he said that this is a pattern and he will do the same thing to this girl also because often people with bi-polar are not in a position to have stable relationships. He also said that based on what I told him, there are chances that he also has a personality disorder. Any advice and help would make a huge difference to me. Many thanks.
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replied August 30th, 2013
Me and my partner met 9months ago and everything was great very loving and caring towards me and my chdren would do anything for anyone he's the most caring man I've met till recently during his mania up and down came the sleepless nights just walking and doing Eratic things he went to hospital but they keep letting him out rather than deal with him , he wasn't on meds when met him as said it made him feel shite , now been back in Hosp he may start taking them if stays in but they keep giving him day and night release so he goes out drinking he split up with me 2 weeks ago saying I did not understand him I've had no txts or calls , he nos deep down how much i love him but won't get myself down over this as read so many posts on here that they always come back , it's ok for ppl to say give up on them but if truely love someone can't turn your back on them , just hope in time I get the man back I fell on love with and hope he keeps on his meds they don't choose to have bipolar they've just no choice yeh they may be very selfish but when that Person comes back they do it because they love u , I wouldn't like to think I was living in there head for the day , and if he don't come back to ill have to deal with that loss x
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replied November 16th, 2013
Bipolar boyfriend asked me for a few days to clear his head !
whats the best thing to do when they shut u out out of nowhere -should i try sit him down or just leave him be !!

my partner asked for a few days to clear his head after saying he was so angry he heard i was with some guy -which i wasnt at all-he said he was just so angry and needed space for a few days -this was 2 weeks ago -i dunno if we are together or not -i kept incontact briefly by text -it kills me watching him like this
he loves me so much when not having these episodes Sad

its soul destroying
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replied January 20th, 2014
HI ,
IM DEVASTATED AGAIN-HE HAS DUMPED ME AGAIN -THIS TIME IM PREGNANT Sad
HE WENT FROM LOVING ME MORE THAN ANYTHING TO THROWING ME OUT ON NEW YEARS OVER MISPLACING AN ITEM AND TELLING ME HE COULDNT BARE TO BE AROUND ME Sad
IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE THAT HAS MADE IT WORK WITH A BIPOLAR BOYFRIEND -I NEED HIM TO GO TO A DR AND UNDERSTAND HIS EMOTIONS!
I LOGICALLY KNOW I SHOULD WALK AWAY ITS NO WAY TO LIVE BUT I FEEL LIKE IM ABANDONING HIM AND HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND HIS OWN HEAD Sad
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replied March 4th, 2014
I have had a nearly seven year relationship with a man I believe is bipolar. He dumped me out of the blue several times. He went to Sri Lanka mid last year and we were to meet in November and travel together. He continually emailed me. Three weeks before I left, he emailed telling me how much he misses me. Then another email telling me he loves me. One week before I flew out, I had an email telling me our time together is over, so long and good luck. His email was so hostile and hurtful. I didn't reply. I went into shock and was traumatised. It's devastating and destructive, and I can't seem to recover from the last one. Also not knowing if I will see him again and feeling anxious about the possibility of him returning.
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replied March 6th, 2014
I too have had an on and off again relationship with my ex boyfriend who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It has been a series of endless rides of break-up cycles. I love him deeply and would do anything for him but he continues to leave me and that very day he gets involved with an ex. That was what happened last week...he left me on Friday and was with one of his ex's that same night. Now, he tells me that he never loved me and doesn't want me...he's going to get married with this person. When just last week he was so loving and caring. This is his typical behavior and it wounds like heck. He is medicated but his pdoc recently changed his meds because he was gaining weight. I guess all I can do now is leave him alone and try to let go. He always comes back looking for me but I think this time I need to put a stop to it. I love him and always will but he continues to act this way and I can't be his 2nd choice forever.
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replied April 16th, 2014
I feel like I am reading my own story. The cycles of ups and downs that I have endured from my (recent) ex have put me through the ringer. He will go from being intuitive, considerate and sensitive, and so committed, to being withdrawn, angry, and will seemingly pick a fight over nothing and blame it all on me. This most recent breakup he told me that he has been miserable with me the whole time, and that I am causing him to fail at work, and that his health is also failing because of me. This came a few days after telling me (with joyful tears in his eyes) that he was going to spend the rest of his life with me, and that he has never felt this way about anyone. He was binge-drinking every single night, and I think me expressing concerns over that were what threw him into the most recent down-spiral.
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replied June 8th, 2014
Hi,

Thanks for your reply. Although technically my boyfriend left me, without telling me he was moving back with his sister out of state, he still thought that was ok with me. I received a euphoric email "Come Live Here!" With pics! Without any discussion he invited me to live with him in another state! He is jobless and homeless. He blamed me for the reason he didn't tell me. He and his sister discussed it without me. To me, he was unfaithful to us as a couple- the bonds we made together were undermined, whether by illness or whatever, the result in me was the same.
I am finding that grief is hard, and I literally had to text him we were over, he was so delusional about any of his responsibility to me, to us. I am grieving his love, not just the anger and sense of betrayal. We all know how much love is worth.
I am happier without him, I miss him immensely . We can be responsible for grieving the love we did share. I honor that, along with the rest of it.
If we are not brave in ourselves, stay the course of our own moral compass, how can they ever learn bravery and correctness for themselves? Do not underestimate bi-polar people, they are so much more than their illness.

Be We'll,

A ct person
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replied June 8th, 2014
Experienced User
Lupine 23
Your reply gives me hope. I feel the same way. Have a wonderful life. I'm sure I will be happier living alone even though I too love him. Can't live with this msery anymore.
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replied November 14th, 2014
im done
just ended my 15 month relationship with bipolar bf. this is the first and last time im ending this relationship. ive read enough to not continue on this horendous journey. save yourselves and your sanity. run for the hills! thats my advice. good luck everyone and may god bless all of you.
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replied January 24th, 2015
Confused
Has any of you found a new love and feels happy after the bipolar relationship? I totally agree with the opinion that leaving BP persion is the visest decesion for ourselves. But during these years,after my PB BF (as I suppose, I amn;t sure) left for twice without any apparent reason, I have met so many healthy jerks that ,to be honest, I amn't quite sure what is worse: dealing with the problems with the guy i still love so much and still believe that is a good person, or wasting my emotions on mentaly healthy men in false hope that there are lots of guys who are ready to love me. Actually they are ready to destroy me without any regret. That's choice in my case and I feel deeply unhappy when realizing this. I have no idea wht to do.
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replied January 29th, 2015
Community Volunteer
Hi waterbearer: Forget him and move on...This is the sad, but only solution...He will never change...You must accept this...Take care...

Caroline...
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replied February 11th, 2015
solution
Caroline, thank you so much for your replay! Actually I am talking about different kind of porblem in my post. In my case (I do believe that every case here is individual despite of the similarities between them ) just sitting forgetting and letting go doesn't make me feel revealed. Besides "must accept" sounds a little bit obligatory...I had an amazing boyfirend and I was the happiest girl in the world and it wasn;t illusion. As Ive read here BP people come back after the episode. In my case there is something different. I have a feeling that he resists the fact that he wants me back, as if he wants me to be his past and I dont have explaination for this. In the begining he told me for several times that he is afraid of falling in love. he was hidding his feelings from me during our first time when everything was great. Later on I found out form him that there was failed relationship issue from his past with the girl whom he loved and who dumped him ...I counted and we met each other two years later after this fact on facebook. He was talking about depression for the first time and before breaking up with me for the second time also. That's why I am thinking he might be bipolar or having some other personal disorder. but I amn't sure and that's the main problem. I don;t know whats really happened or what's going on now. Its so strange when he somehow "follows" me on FB ( we aren't FB friends. Every time he leaves me he deactivates his account and then several month later opens new ones) "imitates" me with cover and profile photos. He opened the wall this autumn and his statuses and links he was sharing was directed to me.. as if he wanted to say something not directly. I think that the solution is to know whats going on. Sometimes i think that it would be better if he was coming back so easily like others. In this case i would know my emotional limit. when enough is enough. Now i am just sitting and missing him and it seems unbelievable to replace him with other ordinary guy.
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replied July 30th, 2015
Hi I'm so glad to find this site, I am heartbroken right now. I had been dating my partner for just short of 4 yrs. He was so loving and caring when we met, a true gentleman. After a few dates he wanted to get engaged, far too soon for me. He took that as I wanted to finish wouldn't talk to me or answer my calls. Then a couple of days later he messaged wanting to get back together. We were happy he was publically affectonate with me it was lovely. Then one day out of the blue I get a message, sorry hun this just isn't working I just don't feel the same you feel more like my best friend please forgive me. I agree to be his friend then a few weeks later I meet him and his family are there they think we are an item he begs me to not say anything so I went along with it. We then have a few days out together as friends again he wants to try again I agree as I am very attracted to him. We carry on everything is fantastic. He then decides we should get a dog ( we don't live together as I had been in an abusive violent marriage and wanted to keep my safe place) we get a dog. 3 weeks later get the text again, I'm sorry I just don't feel the same way ......we split I agree to stay friends. A few weeks later he wants to try again foolishly I agree as I do love him. He agrees to go see doctor he goes back on antidepressants and goes for CBT. All is good, then out of the blue he announces he's applied for a secondment overseas as an entry clearance office he gets posted to India for 2\3 yrs. But before he goes he has tests and an interview, each time it's I won't get it I'll get refused. He doesn't I also find out he's taken himself of his antidepressants for the job. I try talking to him but he knows best. It's all for our long and happy life together. He says let's get married I can't my divorce wasn't through. He keeps telling me he loves me there's only me for him....he goes to India he loves it then a few weeks in he hates it but can't come home I tell him just come home no he's no quitter. Whilst he was there he got kidney stones and had an operation everytime he's had kidney stones he has a crisis. He comes home on leave 7 mths later asks me to leave my family,home and job and go out there with him. I can't but say I'll take a career break for 6 mths and come over. That's not good enough. We spend 3 weeks together we talk about getting married when he's secondment is over. He goes back to India he's all he hates it again, I say come home in august he says he is we will have a holiday together. I plan to visit him December. He's back in india for 5 weeks he goes quiet won't talk to me so for once I don't push. 2 weeks later I've heard nothing so I message he reads it ignores it. I ask again what's wrong I get the let's face it you're more my best friend than girlfriend I'm sorry feelings have changed I'm sorry I'm not sexually attracted to you anymore, we have had problems glossed over them,we have drifted become different people wanting different things. He claims there is no one else. I'm heartbroken he's says again can we be friends I think it's just another cycle so agree thinking he will come back. Then band 6 weeks later he messages his family he's engaged to be married. No one knows anything about her his family say they're not happy about it or how he's treated me. He won't speak to anybody now but said he will smash his sins face in when he's home next. He reads my messages but doesn't seem to care how upset or ill its made me. I've been signed off sick and they've put me on medication as I just can't cope right now. He's never said he's bipolar but from everyone's posts I think I can conclude he is. Will he come back or is this it this time even though 14 weeks ago he wanted to marry me and talked of us growing old together. I'm consumed with grief.
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replied August 11th, 2015
Wow, I feel some comfort after reading the stories here.. I had a 2 yr relationship with my now ex fiance. He is a bipolar in denial. He had cycles of loving me to death and missing me and promising me the world and suddenly changed and acted like I was his worst enemy. He would go for days ignoring me for no reason. When the depression cycles started, I felt like I was looking at someone who had been possessed by an evil spirit. I loved him and still do but he has hurt me so much that I started to feel my heart is half numb. Our last moment together I came to open my heart to him to tell him I suspected he had symptoms of the condition, and he took that as the most offensive thing someone could ever say to him. Our wedding and all our life plans got cancelled and my heart burns in pain. He left me for good, even telling me how much he loved me. The problem here too is that he is from a Middle Eastern country and for them that's a no-no to tell someone anything regarding a mental disease, especially if you are a woman. Women over there cannot criticize men in any way, shape or form. I was as loving as possible, but it didn't matter. I just wanted my man always loving, the one I fell in love with. But I guess he will only be in my memories from now on.
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