Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

Bipolar boyfriend left again and I had been warned (Page 1)

Here we go again... He just broke up with me for no apparent reason than that I said something over the phone he didnt like.It was enough for him to forget about us again. Sunday we were having a lovely lunch together, Thursday he is behaving like if he has never had anything with me, this after one year and a half of seeing esch other frequently, sleeping together, travelling,me even helping him financially and in ever other way.
He says he cannot love me or anyone. He says he wont miss me, however I have lots and lots of his lovely emails saying how much he misses me and wants me back written some months ago.
He just changes and thinks that what he feels at a time is what he is going to be feeling forever, but when the cycle changes he comes back to me and wants to resume things.
Some people in this forum have warned me that he would go again, I knew he would, so he did, so suddenly, it broke my heart. I cannot see him anymore, sometimes we speak on the phone, but we stopped dating and loving each other. As he has done it before and with the same certainty that he has shown now, I believe this is a question of time and he will be back to be mine again, but the question is, would I wait yet again.
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Users who thank Reggiane for this post: BewilderedLady 

replied March 31st, 2011
Oh my I am in the EXACT same situation! What do we do hey? I just went through texts from him only 3 weeks ago telling me how much he loves me and 2 days ago, he broke up with me telling me he loves me but not enough to be in a relationship with me and that he is not feeling it. We have been on and off for the last 6 months and been together for just about a year. What do I do?
This is heart breaking for me and until I learned about bipolar I now realise his patterns. I stumbled across this site the other day and it has given me some peace that I am not alone in this and that every experience is somewhat the same. It still hurts me hearing the things he says to me. I feel he is in his addiction phase which he is fine to cope with things and detach, but then it will come around to the lows and I just hope he will be ok.
Not sure what I do. I am so upset and hurt and obviously in love with him and trying not to get all caught up in the rises and falls but it is hard. I can't trust that what he says or does is true and I struggle with this.

I am left sitting here wondering if he will come back and if he does in fact love me? And wondering am I getting my hopes up thinking he will come back? Is this his illness or is this really how he feels? Do I move on with my life and grieve for this relationship as if it were truly over, or have hope he will come back?

If he comes back, how do I get him on medication so we can be happy and stable?
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replied April 12th, 2011
As it so happens, I am going through the exact same situation at the moment. I have been with my boyfriend for four years. After 2 years together, we began to talk about the bigger picture; moving in, engagement, kids, you know, the kind of things that every couple talks about.

After about 2 years, I would notice that my boyfriend would have his 'down days'. It would usually last for 2-3 days and then he would get back to normal.

On two occasions, during his 'down days', i got a telephone call from my boyfriend, telling me that something had happened at home. I would arrive, and find my boyfriend, somewhat of a rabbit in the headlights, trying to explain what had just happened. The first time, he put his fist through his wooden bedroom door, after rowing with his sister. The second time, I found his new mobile phone, which i had just bought tim for his birthday, in a million pieces on the floor. In a rage over the noise of his next door neighbour, he threw his mobile phone against the wall, braking it.

These scared me at the time, and to this day still send tiny shivers down my spine.

Yet, it was what happened just over two weeks when my boyfriend crossed a line which I don't think i'll ever be able to recover from. My boyfriend brought me to a local pub ad broke up with me. According to him at the time, he could not see a future for us and he didn't like the way that he was treating me.

I was devastated! I stayed up all night crying, my eyes red raw and sunken when I arrived at work the next morning. The following evening, I received a phone call from my boyfriend telling me that he had made a terrible mistake and that he wanted me back. I gave him a week on his own to think about our relationship and whether he really wanted me back.

After a week, we both talked and decided to give our relationship one last try. I made it clear that I was not prepared to walk on egg shells for this relationship to work. I could not build a life with someonegets up in the morning and decides that this is not the life for them. I explained that if we had had a mortgage, a marriage or children when he had decided to break up, then the consequences would have been dire.

Since getting back together, my boyfriend has been in a deep depression, the longest one that he has ever had. He trains on his weights and tradmill constantly, so much so that his once strong, sexy arms are scrawny and i can see his ribs.

He is not sleeping properly and will not talk to anyone about his feelings, let alone his depression. I asked him to get help when we got back together, but he tol me that he wasn't going on medication and nobody could help him. Everything came to a head the other night when I slumped to my knees, sobbing, and I asked him 'do you not love me enough to get better?' He shrugged and looked straight through me, as if I wasn't there.

I am dangerously close to leaving him. His depression has taken a serious toll on my health. Apart from feeling like I need to tip toe around him, I feel nothing for him at this present time. I am numb. I am not eating, having lost 3/4 of a stone in the last two weeks. Everytime I talk to him, I end up crying for about a half hour afterwards.

This is not the man I fell in love with. I realise that it is the depression that has taken hold of him, but at the moent, he doesn't want anyone's help. He doesn't even want to help himself.

He is off to the doctor's in the morning, under durress from his parents who I contacted last week, to see what the next step is. Any advice on whether I should stay with him. I'm just afraid that if I deliver such drastic news now, he will do something stupid. HELP!!!!
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replied December 3rd, 2012
I cannot believe what I am reading. I thought I was the only one going through this!!! I have been with my BF and this hot and cold has been a pattern for six years now. He will love me, we have no issues, then all of a sudden he will cut me out of his life for weeks to months at a time. He will turn everything around on me as if I am the problem. I started doing research and have to tried to get him to go get tested for depression. This was recently but so far nothing. When he cuts me off he won't answer calls, texts, or emails. However once and I will he will throw me a bone. When he comes back he apologizes, says it will never happen again, and things will be great until the next break down. This is really an eye opener I felt so alone until now!!
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replied December 24th, 2012
Hi, I have just been reading all these stories and I don't know what to make of mine, it sounds so similar to all this and I had never thought of it really being his problem. I had been with my boyfriend for 7 years, but always had issues in our relationtship, we get along great and were super inlove and happy but about every two years he has these crisis. He is really smart but he has always felt bad about his family's economic situation, he had to start working full time freshman year in college and has not been able to graduate yet. His dad an alcoholic and this also upsets him so much, and his older bother suffers from depression and is under treatment. I think all this caused him to be very anxious, he obsessively ate his nails and he had migrane and stomach problems constantly. During exams he gets so stressed he does not want to talk much to anyone and gets very irritable.
The first time we had trouble was about 3 months into our relationship, he was very distant and said he was not sure about wanting to be with me and he needed time to think. After a couple of days he said he knew I was perfect for him and we stayed together.
The first time we broke up was about 2 years after that, he became distant and told me he liked someone else, we broke up one day and he came back crying the next day and saying I was the love of his life. We got back together and 2 years later he broke up with me again after a fight, said he didn't have the energy to carry on with the relationship. We were appart for 8 months in which he dated other girls and in the meantime being more than friendly to me some times. During that time he got really depressed an failed the classes he was taking and drank a lot. After that one day he asked me out for coffee and said he missed me so much, I was the love of his life, the only one for him, the other girls did not compare...
After that we truly had an amazing couple of years, I could really feel his commitment and he helped me during some tough times, we talked often about marriage, he gave me a promise ring, we discussed saving money together for our future (we were gonna start this december). But then about 2 months ago he came to my house and broke up with me, said he thought if we got married we would end up divorced. I talked some sense into him and calmed him down, he left and later that day came back to my house with flowers saying he could not imagine his life without me. He said he did it because he is ashamed of himself because he has not been able to graduate from college yet and that he felt as failure and wanted to drop out and said I would not have let him. We talked, he cried and decided to work on our relationship more so that he would feel more motivated.
After that i really made an effort to make him happy, give him space for him to study during finals (he got extremely stressed with them nd would practically not talk to me during the weeks he had them). However, I felt he was being weird and distant and I got frustatred and confronted him about it. He said I was right and that he would make a bigger effort, that day he talked about what kind of dog we could get when we got married. Then 2 days later he came looking for me at work, called me out to the parking lot and broke up with me again. He said he was not motivated anymore, that it was him not me, that he didn't feel the same about me, etc. I called him a coward, told him to see what he was doing, that he was running away and that I hoped he would not drop out of college. I felt really bad after that and wanted to talk to him, but he doesn't answer my calls or messages.
For the longest time I have thought that I was the problem, that I was not enough for him and this was why he was always unsure about our relationship, but it seems it is a much deeper problem right? Is he really somewhat bipolar or depressed? This runs in his family and gambling addictions, alcoholism, etc, but I always thought he did not suffer from it... When i saw him getting really stressed or sad i told him to go to the psychologist but he never wanted to, always said yes but not rght now...

I appreciate any input/thoughts you can share with me... I really don't know what to think....
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replied June 7th, 2014
Experienced User
you are not alone not for one minute. there are so many of us wringing our hands loving people who treat us badly. We can't help them but we can help ourselves.

I wish my husband would leave. Then I wouldn't have to do it. He wanted to leave 20 years ago and I was devasted. I'm much stronger now. I know I'm leaving.
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replied December 10th, 2012
The last question that you have about whether or not it is him or his disease ,is a question that I have on a contstant basis and its hard for me to know what is going on. Similarly, the bit about wondering about whether you treat it as a real break up or have hope for him coming back, I struggle with this as well. perhaps the fact that he's a teen doesn't help but it's really confusing and painful for me, so I can completely sympathize with you. The intersting thing about him ,however, is the fact that he IS on meds so I wonder if the meds are not being effective or not. I have no idea, however because he has been shutting me out saying that he wants to "protect" me. He recently unblocked me from Facebook, but he has not friend requested me so I don't know what to make of that. But anyway, I hope that things get better for you and I get what you are going through, to some extent anyway (I know that we two don't have the exact same situation)
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replied April 30th, 2014
Yes, this is a god-send. This illness ruins relationships.
While I do believe for some, ( I know a couple of them),they have the capacity to accept help and stay with all of the unique changes over time.

I have chosen differently. I believe my Sweetest ex-boyfriend will get help, but I will not communicate with him anymore, ESPECIALLY via e-mail or texts where I am susceptible to seduction of his natural beautiful writing and blessings.
I work every day to send his emails and texts to a trusted friend so I won't reply to him, but to her, if need be.

My life and sanity is worth more than an illness where it affects the persons sense value s so drastically. And on top of it, his sister signed his death warrant by inviting him out to live in another state, where he was mis-diagnosed the first time, to be near her 5 days before my x was going to therapy HE wanted!
Family dynamics, and the recommended third party dosent always work when a caretaker, like his sister, saves him.

I am sad, I miss him, but I wish him the best and now will find the best for me.
The only think he understands is a lack of response, and that needs to last for years to come. YEARS, ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Thanks for all your heartfelt sharing and compassion we so much deserve as we have given that to those we have loved.

A Connecticut person
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replied June 7th, 2014
Experienced User
you have made the best decision of your life. To look after you. he can't.

I spend most of my days feeling sad cause our life isn't the way I'd hoped. It has never been. We are not a team. He doesn't want a partner. He wants what he wants when he wants it. Not good enough for me anymore. I'm so glad I finally see that.
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replied June 7th, 2014
Experienced User
you can't "get him on medication". He has to do it for himself. stick around and he'll make your life miserable.

Leave, make a life for yourself now while you know you should. You can still love him but not be involved at all.
Or you can admit that you can't help him and move on. If there is no change leave now.

I really feel for you.
I will always love my husband but will not accept this anymore.
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replied June 30th, 2015
Extremely eHealthy
Please get out of this situation. He is not going to change....He goes from left to right. He can not stay in the middle. He will promise you the world and break your heart.........change your phone, your computer email address and don't answer the door. Get on with your life without him. He will not change.
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replied March 31st, 2011
Experienced User
Yes, it is exactly the same. it is a pattern. They all do it, just read the forum and you will see. They get up and go, they break up over the phone, they just disappear for weeks, they stop being loving and caring, they stop phoning and texting but after the cycle changes they will be in touch again.
Last September my lovely caring boyfriend just phoned me one evening telling me he was not my boyfriend anymore and in fact he never had been! He then immediatelly got a new woman in a bar and stayed with her fot two months,then phoning me to see me again and never left me till now, last Tuesday, when he just took something I said over the phone the wrong way and promptly stopped contact, became cold, wanting to break things and surelly did that. We talked over the phone just now and he seems absolutely certain that he will NEVER want me back, he said he is going to be alone and he wants to be alone, to care for himself, exaclty the same thing he said the other time (but still went after a woman that time).
I havent done anything to deserve it, as we had just had a lovely weekend and were planning a trip out of town for next weekend. He completely forgot about it all, about our long term plans, about his desire to move together, about his feelings for me, how much he misses me when I go away travelling, how many emails and phone calls I1ve had from him, loving and caring, now Im nothing again.
Worse, he is saying he has no sexual feelings for me, he does not love me, he cannot love anybody. I wonder why he did come back to me if he had no feelings for me and why we stayed together another 5 months.
My self steem is sooooooo low and when I said that he replied that it is him, not me, nothing I have done.
It is terrible not to see him again, not to be able to go away in a trip with him, not to be near him. Not long ago he told me that there was only one woman in his life (me) and was holding my hand over the table in a restaurant, something he does not like doing normally, so when he does I pay attention, he is serious.
Some weeks more and he will be coming back. They all do.
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replied July 10th, 2011
I got pregnant and my boyfriend told me it was because I raped him and I was a sex offender... I think they have a hard time with accountability or realizing that the things they do and say have an effect on people. Is it just me or is there a lot of denial that happens? Or just an inability to be introspective? I've tried everything to communicate with my boyfriend and explain how hurtful he is but he never seems to understand
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replied June 7th, 2014
Experienced User
sweetie, you don't have to be there when he comes back. think about it. You really don't. good luck
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replied April 5th, 2011
Bi polar Bf keeps breaking up with me
I am so thankful to find this forum! I too, have the same reoccurrences with my bipolar boyfriend. We have broken up 5-6 times now within the last year and a half. Each time its completely out of the blue. We get along so well when together, we hardly fight, we have a very loving passionate relationship, we are almost inseperable... then suddenly "he can't be in a relationship, he needs to get himself back", "He needs space",and stops talking to me, disappears. Each time, I am devastated, heart broken. I'm very sensitive and feel like this is breaking me. I love him so deeply, I feel like when he tells me he loves he means it... but he changes over night. I am going crazy with so much heartbreak! How can i love someone so much that keeps leaving me? None of my friends or family will even talk to me about it anymore, they think I'm crazy for allowing him to come in and out of my life as he pleases. I just care about him so much, I worry about him. We recently got back together 6 weeks ago and he apologized for leaving, telling me he loves me so much, and that hes so sorry, he will never do it again. I try to encourage him to have more space, since this has been an issue in the past and I didnt want to be left heartbroken again, he insists that I am what makes him most happy. He has plenty of alone time. But when he is alone, he goes to the bar alone and gets wasted!! He doesnt have any friends. I encourage him to meet people but i insist he isnt going to make good friends in the bar. I am called to pick him up, and like always Im the one picking up the pieces, mending his hang over, taking care of him. He claims drinking is a waste of time, he never wants to drink again, but will go again that same night. He has wrecked his car from drunk driving, gotten a DUI, he now has his licence revoked for a year. I try to be understanding, i just love him so much! Then he willl finally come to the conclusion he shouldnt drink, we will spend about a week or two together very happily. For instance 5 days ago I recieved a text saying. Babe, I am so thankful you came into my life. I love you so much, I am so sorry it has taken me so long to realize it. You are so important to me". Then just Friday he is begging to hang out with me and i insist we should just have one more night apart and we make a date for Saturday night after he gets off work. I wait, and wait, and wait and finally at 11 at night i call him. He acting wierd and tells me he doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore. He went from begging me to come pick him up, to the next conversation wanting nothing to do with me. I try to rationalize, Honey weve been through this before are you sure you want this? Please, i love you so much... "Ive made my decision, Im not coming back, I dont see you in my future. I need to work on me. I need to be single." I'm so devastated. How am I so disposable to him? I just want to talk to him about it. But when I talk to him, he doesnt want to talk, he is irritable, and says he needs space. I am so depressed, I have actually on been on temperary disability for 10 weeks, dealing with clincial depression, This instability is killing me. I cant sleep, I cant eat. My whole core aches in pain. Each time I awake, I awaken in tears realizing he is gone again... but his essence is still here. I miss him so much.. I dont know what to do.. The sane thing would be to move on, I realize, But when you love someone dont you love them for all of them? I can't seem to let go. I dont know what to do. I feel broken.
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replied May 4th, 2012
I am so so so SO glad I found this site. It has been a Godsend.

Are all bi polars romantic like a fairy tale initially, before they go emotionless, unloving and cold or is it just me? I'm wondering if anyone else experienced the sheer love and affection so powerful, that is why you get heartbroken an also sometimes stick around deciding whether to have them back / take them back.

He has left me but not finished it. After reading all these forums I see he will be back.

Dreading him coming back now I've read this forum. Went through a lot of pain. He has been gone one week. But problem started four weeks ago. He finished with me sharply then broke down saying he was "mentally instable"

I am so glad he gave me that clue.

Before all this I was the woman of his dreams, hinted about marriage etc.

As I cared for him I contacted him those four weeks. But now I've stopped. He is unmedicated. I hope he takes my advice to get diagnosed whilst he is away.

I was so upset I was physically sick.

Now I'm not going to take him back when he comes back.... I don't think.
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Users who thank BewilderedLady for this post: lupine23 

replied June 7th, 2014
Experienced User
good idea to look after you. you can't help him. but you can help you.
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replied September 25th, 2012
sweety your story is exactly like mine except i left and almost got married, when he found out he lost it and begged me back. I came back and we got married two weeks later, that was 2 months ago. Last monday he got mad over something minor and asked me for a divorce!! He wont talk to me he will only text me. He works 900 miles away for 2 weeks at a time so its hard. He will be home in 2 days and I'm scared of what is going to happen. Is he really going to divorce me or will he come back again like he always does? Do i stay and continue the mental strain of betrayal and loss of self-esteem? IDK!!!! HELP!!
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replied June 7th, 2014
Experienced User
you will heal. but it takes time. the sooner you leave the sooner you will feel better. First it will hurt but it will get better. you deserve way more. When his respect for you is gone move on. I know it's his illness but you have to save yourself.
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replied April 5th, 2011
Experienced User
I fell so so sorry for you and for me as well. This time Im letting go, I cannot cope, he will come back though, because it is cycle, they do come back, they do love,they miss us, but when the cycle starts again tehy go weird, mine said exactly the same, he needs to see to his needs, does not want a relationship, his head is nor right, he even said he is not normal, what I agree,but I cannot agree in front of him otherwise he goes mad at me.
You have to find a way to understand it is the ilness, however, how much more are you prepared to put up with, I just said to mine that in no account I'll go out with him again UNLESS he sees a doctor and start the process of healing. So it will save time when he starts insisting he misses me so much and wants to see me again, Ill remembe him about this condition I have already imposed, no doctor, no girlfriend.
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replied April 5th, 2011
You are so strong! Your story has really helped me understand my own situation better and even the illness. The day after we broke up this Sunday, I wrote him an email suggesting he could be having an episode, but honestly after reading this forum I dont believe he is aware of how much his illness is taking him over. He does see an addiction counselor, takes lamictal, but he goes through these spurts where he goes out and gets wasted, he says hes making friends, but in the morning he completely regrets it. Then its like he blames our relationship for his depression when really he should have been taking care of himself... Im constantly trying to keep everything balanced. The hardest part is losing my friend. I guess we cant save everybody. Sad
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replied June 7th, 2014
Experienced User
hi confused KK

You are so right. hope things are better now with you.
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replied May 21st, 2011
I read alot up here and am amazed at how many people going through the same thing. its new for me because I only knew him for a year and had no idea he truly was bipolar or what it meant. when i first told him i loved him he disapeared for two months then came back in january telling me he love me too and want to be with me then through out that time all he's done is change for no reason, leave need space cant explain what he feeling get aggrivated say mean things then take it back etc...crys and not sure why, gets blank and numb to even like he dnt even know me. then he came back two weeks ago said how sorry he was for hurting me and that he love me soooooo much and want a life with me, planned alot with me., I was so happy because I love him to death and then on mothers day out of no where only after 4days of being back he just get blank face after watching a movie and holding me and starts with tears saying he dnt knw whats wrong. he ignored me for 4hours. telling me leave him alone that im making it worse then said its not me its him..i just cried cuz it hurt and i was lost and he then started getting dressed saying he was leaving. i slapped him because i was so hurt that he came back in my life with my kids telling me all these plans then just leaving after 4days!! i was torn and he just acted like it was nothing at all. I mean like he didnt even know me or love me at all. he didnt care about my tears nothing and my heart was breaking!! still is because when he left he textd me ten minutes later but i didnt read it cuz i was so hurt..i just deleted it and text him that I hated what he did to me and im hurt and fine leave! its been two weeks though and nothing..im hurt dnt know what i did. self esteem at zero right now and I feel empty because I truly believed he was gon be there and that he did love me. but not a call nothing. I wont call or text because I feel like im the one always running to him. I dont know what to do any more but i miss him, it hurts and i love him but reading ur posts and several others I never knew it was a pattern..idk what to do or if i should just leave it since he just left it..but any advice would be great because im drowning in pain..do i let go 2? or will he return one day or should i try to reach him? i mean at what point do you say to yourself bipolar or not love is love and if he loved me he will reach me hisself instead of me continuing to chase him never knowing if he comes back just cause i reached him or if because he thought of me or missed me..im just missing him and i dnt understand why he left like that and after two weeks why he hasnt missed me enough yet to even come back..
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replied June 8th, 2012
From what I read about bipolars they are victims of their emotions. They do not know what they feel at certain times. He probably means he really loves you when he says it because that is what he feels. Then for no reason other than chemical, his mood changes and he wants to break up because that is what he really feels. There is no real person, and the illness division, a bipolar person is always ill but they cycle. The rest of us are consistent in our feelings usually. We either love someone or we don't and it does not change back and forth daily. But a bipolar cycles and his feelings really do change, back and forth, back and forth...
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replied June 9th, 2012
I wish we could all be in a group therapy session! This is all too familiar. My boyfriend of 4 years has left for the second time in two years. He is bipolar, 12 year dry alcoholic and suffers from attachment disorder. I am a widow with two children - he suddenly does not like children and my love which he says he cannot return makes him feel trapped and inadequate. This time he has slept with someone else. When you are stable it is very hard to accept that someone can be so caught up in illusion - never satisfied and unable to connect with a higher power outside of themselves. My advice to all of you and to me too, is to just bare the pain for as long as it takes until we can put these people out of our hearts and lives. We are doing them no service by continuing to coddle them and we are certainly doing ourselves no service by accepting punishment for being innocent.
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replied June 9th, 2012
I wish we could all be in a group therapy session! This is all too familiar. My boyfriend of 4 years has left for the second time in two years. He is bipolar, 12 year dry alcoholic and suffers from attachment disorder. I am a widow with two children - he suddenly does not like children and my love which he says he cannot return makes him feel trapped and inadequate. This time he has slept with someone else. When you are stable it is very hard to accept that someone can be so caught up in illusion - never satisfied and unable to connect with a higher power outside of themselves. My advice to all of you and to me too, is to just bare the pain for as long as it takes until we can put these people out of our hearts and lives. We are doing them no service by continuing to coddle them and we are certainly doing ourselves no service by accepting punishment for being innocent.
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replied June 7th, 2014
Experienced User
misshappy,
I agree 100%.
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replied June 7th, 2014
Experienced User
smart strong woman who has been through the wringer. good luck
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replied April 5th, 2011
Experienced User
They blame us for everything. Mine blames me for the end of the relationship, let me explain to you. I was a bit jealous over the phone because he keeps talking to a woman who works with him, he works shifts and she comes early in the morning to take her place(he works nights).He used to phone me early in the morning before I went to work just to say good morning, but when he started to talk to this woman he forgot about our early morning phone calls, that's why I got jealous , wouldnt you?
Anyway, this was the apparent reason for the break up, Im jealous.
However, he can be insanelly jealous of me and I have to put up with that. I went to a bar with my friend and he phoned me I dont know how many times there just to know who I was with and what I was doing, also he wanted to phone a friend of mine and ask him not to phone me again because HE was my boyfriend, he nearly broke my mobile and went home angry because of a simple call from a male friend. When i said he is jealous too he replied that it was all a joke from his part. SOME JOKE!!!!!He was raving mad.
He makes everything to be my fault. He cannot sleep with me anylonger, and the reason according to him is that I dont attract him , however, what about the passion we had for one year... The real reason he cant make love is he is VERY TIRED from working nights, but he only believes that IM the problem.
As a result my self steem is really low , what is wrong with me.
I have let him go for a while, let him stew in his own juice, soon he will miss me again and the emails and phone calls will start, saying how much he misses me and could we please meet.
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replied June 7th, 2014
Experienced User
of course it's you:-) it can't be him.......
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replied April 5th, 2011
Do you think your going to take him back? Are the good times worth the bad? Is he always jealous and aggressive? My guy doesnt get super angry, he can be irritable, and hates talking to me on the phone, but he usually just pulls away. The sex is a given if we even get in the same room, we have an electric connectin physically. But emotionally he will go from beng madly deeply in love with me to wanting nothing to do with me. I feel like this is so stupid! why cant he just see me? talk to me? I want to talk to him so badly, especially after learning so much about his illness. He has no ideas why hes doing what hes doing. Each time my phone notifys me of a text, I jump to it, hoping it will be him. I started doing 10 situps everytime i go to call him.. He said if I respected him, I would give him space.. im trying so hard, but my insides are screaming at me and its only really been 2 days. Am I being ridiculous? I normally talk to him everyday. I just want peace again, Im worried about him. Im worried hes out drinking and being self destructive Sad But here I go again trying to save him. If we keep worrying about what they are doing,who is going to worry about us? Should I try to contact him? Or just let him contact me?
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replied June 9th, 2012
A deeply bipolar person once told me how to treat her bipolar son, "When he says he needs his space, leave him alone, don't follow him. Shortly he will come back all loving again." And she was right. I used to go after him and try to comfort him and in return he turn on me viciously. So I stopped, let him go, he'd rage on his own, or be depressed, but after some time he'd come back like as if nothing had happened. All was well again.
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replied January 11th, 2013
I am another victim of being with a partner who has left me time and time again with no apparant reason. Im beginning to think he is bi polar or suffering with depression as his behaviour is so unstable. I love this man deeply but after two years together, I think its time I started to love myself as much. He has left me once again, he was living with me, he can get out of bed,go to work, call me, have fun on the phone chatting normally then suddenly not answer a call. Im so used to this that I sometimes have a pain in my stomach for a few days before he stops all contact. He just stopped answering my calls and didnt come home for dinner. then I get a text to say hes not coping very well and worrying about his children from his marriage, he has been separated 2 years and always blames his leaving me on his not being able to cope with not living with his children. He becomes cold, sending cold texts, then stops, we have no contact for weeks on end then I hear hes sorry, he tells friends how much he loves me and cant live without me and needs me back. Each time Im so hurt, I cant describe the pain, of him leaving me, never knowing when hes going to just pull the rug out from underneath me. What do I say to my sons who live with us too? they see me devastated each time each time they say please dont allow him back into our lives. Ive loved him so much he always wins me over. I hope this time is different, I want to be strong enough to make him stay away this time when hes sorry. Im going to have a few more weeks of silence then he will text, sounding out my feelings, he will tell me whatever it takes to win me back of this I am convinced now. At the time I truly feel he means it but now Im unsure. What Im telling myself now that loving him is not enough anymore, hes unstable and hes destroying me, it has taken a huge toll on me. I dont want to live this way anymore, I hate it, its so hurtful. I even found when things were ok between us and I hadnt heard from him for a couple of hours that I would text, even to say I love you, it was like I was always checking in on him to see if we were ok as I never knew when he would take it all away. This anxiety he created in me is eating me up. This is no way to live and I need to be strong now and make him stay away.
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replied April 5th, 2011
Experienced User
Have you seen Baggagereclaim site?
It has helped me A LOT to stop sll the chasing and just keep quiet. You know the saying- walk away and do not look back. If he folllows you , you have a boyfriend. If not, at least you did not lost your self respect.
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replied April 6th, 2011
I think the key lesson here is that we MUST take care of ourselves and put our own mental wellbeing first. If we can't do that, we don't have our core balance, how can we be there for our love ones and other people in our lives? I think this is something we easily forget as we try to cope and ride with the ups and downs of your significant others. I am working on that right now, and also, don't forget, you always have a choice. You and you alone need to think it through and see if you can deal and manage this relationship that comes with the illness. You don't have to, but if you decide to stick around, you need to be sure that you have that core balance and strength, first for yourself, and then for him.

I am going through a very similar time (the first time, actually, of his wanting to have nothing to do with me.) and I know that this is the lesson I am taking away from. I have faith that we will get through this but I need to repair/heal the emotional damage he did to me first before I can deal with the illness he is suffering.

You are all in my prayers.
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replied April 6th, 2011
I not a expert but I have experienced everything all of you wrote. What I need to say is let it go and Run Fast.
I hope none of you are married to bipolar people. If you care about yourselves at all let him or her go Fast. The relationship will never work not matter how much therapy you seek. A bipolar person will have you thinking that your crazy and their o.k. Protect yourself physical and emotionally, bipolar people are known to practices over the top sexual behaviors and experiment with drugs. you name it they will do it. Don't fool yourself by being co-pendent they will never change and are on a road of self destruction. If you love yourself and want to get back to normal then walk away. Don't answer the phone, change your email and stop all contact. They will use you as long as you let them, they and be very charming but don't believe the lies, their whole existence is about manipulation. They live in fantasy worlds if you want to continue getting hurt over and over again then you have found the write one. If you want to keep your sanity, get away. Don't allow them back into your life, you will be sorry and they will not care. While your crying they will be finding the next person to destroy.
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Users who thank Princezz for this post: n2kismet  lonelyheart78 

replied April 11th, 2011
I have to agree with Princezz, as sad as it may sound the pain and distruction will not stop and you will never find peace I have been with my BP GF for 5 years on and off and yes they have patterns and the cycle always repeats itself.. My life has been torn upside down she has just left me again and has fallen off the earth no calls nor texts. I am so heartbroken AGAIN!! I have been through so many doctors and been there through it all regardless how much pain she has caused me and my family..All the lies, cheating, manipulation, over controlling is to much to bare they know exactly what to say to real you back in we as normal people in love with our BP lover wants so much to believe that all the pleas are for real, maybe in some twisted way to them it is real! but the reality is they are so unstable its just a matter of time and you will always be left at the curb alone to manage the wirlwind of drama and hartache left in there wake... trust me nothing matters I have given everything to try to make her happy and feel loved protected but you end up loosing who you are and all your boundries and always 'what did I do wrong'.. I have been thru it so many times I love her so much my self! It tears me up inside just typing this, like everyone her I want my honey back and home with me too, but you have to constantly ask your self when will this happen again.. it has been so hard on me I have to be done with it I pray that god gives me the strenghth to let go I pray for all of you.... this is a disease that will never get better even tho it is managable but it is always in a stat of flux as so will you life will be always in limbo.....just no way to live.....
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replied May 21st, 2011
wow!! I mean idk what 2say but it seem i do need to just let go..
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replied April 6th, 2011
Inagree with all advice given, but I just had a break-up. After my surgery he wanted to "take care" of me.He was 1st love in 1981. He found me on facebook a year ago this March. We started talking over phone for few weeks. Then our 1st date was on 4/19. We felt like we never left. We were falling in love. We went out,to his house,his moms,his sisters family/friends parties and holidays. We had the best conversations and could talk all night. His thoughtfullness and comfort was unconditional. We would leave notes to eachother always remember the little things. Cook for eachother, be intimat with such passion in our eyes and say I LOVE YOU BABY during... until His dog had died and I'm thinking that triggered a memory of when his ex-wife left the house with his 2 kids when he was at work. The dog was there when kids were born. After that I noticed a change DRASTIC we had an argument and he was so cruel in his words and actions I was like who is this person ??? Irrasional and angry and distant and had to go the gym. I was left after having surgery by myself. It just continued he acted as if nothing ever happened between us. I couldn't take it I said I was done with him. But he texted and called repeatedly begging. After we had time apart. I no longer heard from him. Then he would hint around for us to have dinner. He cancelled the night of. He apologized.2 days later we were texting all day and talked on the phone like usual.I saw him the next night to talk and it was very weird. 2 wks prior he had devils eyes and didn't blink he was saying get your stuff and get out, how cud u leave me.. but he was telling me to leave I had surgery where was I going?? I couldn't drive. Then I met him 2 wks after and we were intimate and talked. I couldn't feel him like I used to. We would become one. It was the coldest feeling I ever felt. We left and kissed gbye and that was it. He avoided me my calls and texts. How does someone just turn it off ? I'm so hurt and severed and miss him so much it's hard to putin words.
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replied April 10th, 2011
Experienced User
hmm i had a similar thing happen to me. i dated a guy and then i ended up in the hospital because of being took off of a med too fast and something in him clicked and things started to change and then his one dog died and now hes cold towards me most of the time and he seems happy to just be friends and doesnt want more. and he gets crushes on girls who just want the 3 letter s word but i know thats what he wants too. i know he sometimes doesnt take his meds and it always makes his moods worse too. but i dont get the emptiness he even told my one friend he wanted to date me when my ocd got better(i have ocd) but when i asked him he totally denied it and said all he wants is friendship and now he has no feelings for me and this has been going on for a year. i dont understand why he wont date me. does he totally have no feelings was it all a lie
? or part of his bipolar? i also think hes afraid of a comittment because he constantly said he wasnt ready
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replied April 13th, 2011
Hi everyone,

I'm sorry to hear that you've all been through similar situations, or are going through them now. I am too. My boyfriend (one year together) went through a serious episode a little over two weeks ago, and walked ~18 miles from my house to his place. After a weekend of arguing (and this after about 5-6 weeks of emotional instability on his part, which contributed to a fair amount of arguing during that time), he told me that he had lost confidence in my ability to work on our relationship. And he literally walked away from it.

A few days later, he gave me back almost everything I had ever given him. I was heartbroken.

The next day, I texted him regarding a letter he had written to me long ago, filled with profound love, and that I couldn't bear to read it now, but perhaps one day I would share his own words with him. He responded with a barrage of (seemingly) furious texts about How dare I try to bring up the memories that surround that letter, and if I'm trying to stir his empathy by doing so, it's not working. I replied that I appeared to have made him angry, and I did not wish to do so, but I wished the best for him, and would always be there for him. This triggered ANOTHER barrage of furious texts about You have no idea how I'm feeling, it's only conjecture based on my reading into his words, and my experssions of how I'm feeling or what I wish for him are posturing and pointless, and he recommends civil silence as my best ally for a civil exchange. Whew! Well, that shut me up, for sure. That was two weeks ago, and we have had no contact since.

I have taken a hard look at my role in our relationship dynamic. Nothing occurs in a vacuum, and even though he is keen to blame me for all that has happened, I know that is not true, even though at times I did not react/respond in the best way. I believe myself to be a level-headed, patient girl who nevertheless can snap when pushed past her breaking point.

So I've started to see a therapist again to help me identify my own patterns in this (and other) relationships. I still hold onto some hope that he will reach out to me, or come back, or at least apologize. Reading others' experiences with their bipolar significant others gives me a little hope that he may feel remorse and reach out to me after a while.

I love him deeply, and I think we have a strong connection, and I am still willing to work on the relationship... as long as he is. And to me, that means his taking responsibility for his illness: seeing a therapist, seeing a therapist as a couple, medication options, lifestyle changes, open communication, and trust. If he is not willing to do that... *sigh* I cannot be in a relationship with him again. My love is unconditional. My commitment to our relationship is not. He must also be willing to invest in our relationship.

Mornings are the most difficult time of day for me. I lie in bed and cannot find the will to get out of bed. But once I'm up, I'm ok. I go to work, I eat, I talk with friends, and I have some pretty good coping skills. I know that I will be ok regardless of how this situation turns out.

But it's the being in limbo, in a communication desert, that gets to me. When you're in a vacuum, the brain just sorta starts to make things up to fill the void of information, y'know? Starts to speculate on the reasons why things are happening or not happening. I'd rather hear bad news than no news, at this point.

Take care of yourselves, every one, be good to yourselves, and hang in there.

cheers,
Geshe
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replied January 3rd, 2013
Hi Geshe,

I am now going through the same thing you went through last spring. I wish I had found this site a few months ago. My boyfriend went from loving me to death- he would do anything to make me happy- to one day acting like he didnt even know me anymore. i was devastated and shocked. he told his friends he found his "soulmate," a new random girl, and stopped talking to me. he was diagnosed with bipolar and went to a treatment center and is on meds now.

he has been on meds for a couple months and supposedly "getting back to his old self" yet still hasnt said a word to me...at this point i would never get back together with him even if he was communicating with me because i cannot put myself through this again....it's just thinking about the old memories that hurts me. did your boyfriend ever come back? i know it's different for everyone but i am trying to prepare myself..ill be seeing him for the first time in a few months in a couple weeks.

can anyone who posted on here a year ago share what happened in the end or where you are now? i am very curious to see how everyone's situations turned out one year later... i think it will really help me as my situation is still somewhat recent and i am still hurting very much at times.

thank you
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replied April 17th, 2011
Geshe

God how i understand whare you are, and know this, he will be back!! "they always come back" my BP GF is 40 years old she has 3 children which you would think that would be enuff of a reason to do the right thing but nope!!! she will leave them at her parents and say nothing not even to her kids that she is leaving or when she will be back as far as I go everything is my fault, i to love unconditionaly but i have to tell you that means nothing to them its my experiance that as far as emotions they only love in the moment! and the manipulation is unbelievable.. the point remains the same we have to take care of our selves.. as much as it causes us pain we want what they cannot give!!! it truley is a tragity... you are in my heart and prayers....
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replied April 19th, 2011
Relationship with bipolar will never work. You will never find peace and if you wont break the chain, your life will be MISERABLE forever.

Been there.. but i have manage to keep my sanity intact and focused myself to my lil angel he left me. Though my daughter always reminds me of him, i dont feel pain no more.. just pity for him..

YOU ONLY GOT TO CHOOSE ONE. LOSS HIM/HER, OR LOSS YOURSELF.

Take care and I'll pray for all of you..
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replied April 21st, 2011
Bipolar Boyfriend
OMG I'm glad I found this site! I didn't know these people were like this in a relationship until I got in one myself. Our relationship happened fast and I gave myself no time to date him and find him out. I was trying to get out of a 6 yr. relationship w/ an older guy who wasn't giving me a real relationship this guy was younger we went out on two dates one thing led to another we had sex and boom he asked me to be his gf. Soon after I broke up w/ the 6 yr older guy and thought I was in heaven. I say for the first 3 months everything was good then after that nothing but drama. He too was out of relationship and I guess we both linked to each other because we were hurt. Come to find out he claims the ex girlfriend found out about me and wanted him back. He said he still wanted me but had to admit he still had feelings for her because they were together for 5 yrs. I admitted I still had feelings for the other guy as well. Needless to say during the summer of last yr 2010 he broke up w/ me on FB over a stupid fight we had. Then two days later asked me to be his gf again. I said no and thought I meant it. When I realized I wanted him back I called and got no return calls back from him for a whole two weeks. When I did hear from him it was from a mental ward. Come find out his ex girlfriend said he was stalking her which he denied and his mother had him committed into a mental ward. Which also helped w/ him not going to jail because she had a restraining order out on him too. I believed all his lies that his ex was lying on him and was mad he wouldn't leave me to go back to her. Later I found emails giving me the total opposite of what he said to me. He was trying to be w/ her and me at the same time and yep again I took him back. Anyway ok so he get's out, we get back together and he goes on vacation w/ his family which he asked me to go w/ him. I couldn't because my father was dying of cancer and I needed to be home to help him. I heard from him on vacation everyday except for one day and I had a feeling something bad had happened. I asked him did he cheat on me and he said no. So when he comes home we have sex for two straight days. He even pulled the condom off without my knowledge and tried to get me pregnant. I had to take the morning after pill cause I knew he had no job anymore and was not stable to be anyone's father. While I was at his house I noticed he took his calls outside the room away from me and I noticed a girl I had never seen on his FB page leave a comment saying hi stranger. Then the comment went missing. So I noticed one night he had his password saved on FB and I waited until he was outside the house and went straight into his account and to his inbox and there was the girl he met on vacation mentioning their hookup. I mentioned to him the email and he had to admit to it. My only concern at that point was did he use a condom. He lied to me in my face but sent a text the next day saying he didn't use one. Needless to say I had to go to the clinic and get checked out for everything. I swore up and down I wasn't going to stay w/ him but yet I did. This happened in August and my birthday is in September. So on my birthday I finally decided to give in and get myself some since we both tested negative for everything after his vacation fling. He wouldn't have sex w/ me! I happened to be going through his phone looking at pictures and saw an std test saying he was positive for chlamydia. Mind you I hadn't had sex w/ him since early August and all my results were negative. He tried to say it was from the vacation which was just a bold face lie because if it was I would have had it. I couldn't catch him on that 2nd act of cheating but I wasn't stupid. Maybe stupid yes for still staying around. Ok so here we are this month being a yr we've been in a relationship and he stopped calling me on March 15th. He kept accusing me of cheating which was a lie. I've never cheated on this man but he has on me. So on March 15th we had an awful argument and I told him I didn't want to hear that bs from anymore. The nerve of him questioning me after all he has done to me. He called me all types of slu*s and b*tches. I was done w/ the phone call and hung up. I thought maybe after a couple of days he would call me back but so far its been a month and nothing from him. He won't respond to my calls or emails. His mom swears he loves me but its just his disorder yet she's scared to talk to him about us because of his outbrusts toward her. Everyone in my family and all my friends are saying to get over him and never talk to him again if he tries to comeback but I will admit I miss him. Also I'm pissed as hell because he won't even tell me what in the hell is going on. The last time we got into before the huge fight I asked him what was the deal were we a couple or not and he said he'll talk to me later and hung up. I'm happy I found this site and know that I'm not alone. I will admit that what the lady said about them and risky sex is true. I'm a living witness to that and I'm thankful that I am still HIV negative. I went for my 6 month window period and I'm still ok. The fact that he put my life at risk and is acting this way right now makes me want to kill him but still at the same time wanting him back. I feel like I'm the crazy one in all this. Part of me is saying I just should have stayed w/ my ex. At least he never put me through all this crap. Gosh I hope someone can respond to me cause I feel like I'm losing it. I mean I would talk to him and see him everyday and now its just like bye without even saying it. I'm trying to stay busy right now but my mind keeps going back to him. He has this sweet side then he has this crazy out of control side. I'm praying every night that I get stronger cause I do believe you guys and my mom too that he is broken glass and you'll never be able to fix him. She's also afraid if I do go back that he might try to hurt me one day. So right now all I got is this site and God. I know I deserve better then him. Why can't my heart get that part?
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replied April 29th, 2011
Experienced User
Oh my... My bf left a message asking me to go away for the weekend with him. We did and we had a lovely weekend together, lots of nice food, nice sightseeing and good sex. Next day or so was his birthday, so we went to a restaurant to commemorate. He was already so cold and promptly broke up with me again, this time he says is for good. Im devastated, absolutely heartbroken, after the lovely weekend he is gone again incommunicado. The silence is dreadful, I feel worried about what he is doing, if he is seeing someone else, but he said he is not, he really really wants to be alone.This is BT.
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replied May 1st, 2011
Im sooo sorry Reggiane, i have the same thing going on mine was gone a week then came back wanted to talk and tells me how she loves me and want to work this out and how this is her fault she even wanted me to go to the doctor with her to talk to the doctor and tell him exactly what she has been doing. the are trying a new set of meds ( 1 is a mood stablizer) and not even a week later she leaves again im so confused how crazy it is that one min we are so important then the next we are disposable i am so heartbroken once again i am in tears as i type even tho i know i have to let go for my own sanity but yet i feel like a prisoner in all of this if i try to call her she gets angry but if she calls me and dont answer whatch out she looses her mind.. i will never understand this behavior sick or not how a person can hurt another makes no sense... no matter how much im there for her does not matter... if she want something from me she is sweet as can be but thats it.. if i get sick or want or need support from her just simply to much for her and im left to deal with any issues myself... i feel so used and alone never in my life have i ever felt so beat up and unimportant i have a good job, im very understanding, i am very supportive i take care of my self( go to the gym)im always hit on people tell me what a goodlooking guy i am but why am i not good enuff for her??? this has gone on for 5 years and she always comes back.. how do i find the strength to say enuff??? and let go for my own best interest?? i love her so much i feel so lost.. please pray for me!!!!
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replied May 1st, 2011
Experienced User
Yes, certainly, we all need prayers.
My bf started again to call me after the silence,phoned about 5 times yesterday, wanting to go out for dinner with me, however this morning I did say something he did not like and he promptly hung up on me and it is again incommunicado. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
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replied May 2nd, 2011
this is just maddness!! I will never understand as sad as it is its just heartbreaking never the less... just remember we have to be strong!! I saw a post from some one that is great advise, "They need" to be alone and have time to get there life in order and "UNDER CONTROL" before getting involved with ANYONE!! even tho its easy to say but very had to do... I know... Mine is gone again.. she tells me one day that we are working things out then she changed her mind the next day and shes staying at her moms no more calls or nothing.. I have tried everything I can think of to help but nothing works..so im left once again kicked to the curb... all i can do is wait give her the space she wants.. at what point do we say "enuff"? sick or not I deserve more and do not deserve to be treated this way?? to wash our hands and move on without feeling like we have abanded them is so hard!! all i think about is what will I do when she calls in tears telling me to come see her and that she needs me?? i have to be strong and tell her she has to be on her own and i cannot allow this to continue anymore!! this is so hard for me because i do love her with all my heart...but i have lost all my self respect and my self worth not saying anything about my own dignity we are worth so much more! this site has helped me to see that im not alone... there are so many other stories that sounds like I wrote them... that is scary... I just keep trying to move forward and I work so hard to let go every day.. I will forever be heartbroken over this... all i can hope is that this will pass soon...
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replied May 2nd, 2011
well here I am again left in the dust... as always wondering why, what did I do, why am I not good enough? I feel awful, this has taken so much life out of me.. I donâspam�t know what keeps me going, why I still exist always to be tormented by all this... I know I have done things in my life that Iâspam�m not proud of.. is this my karma?? Am I destine to be like this the rest of my life? all I want is to be loved is that asking for to much?? this has gone on for so long I donâspam�t even know what is normal anymore... all this pain is too much to bear any more.. I canâspam�t seem to talk to my family anymore because of all this... everything has fallen to the way side and I feel so alone, who do I talk to I have no one!! this is all my fault, I should have never let it get this far, why is it I keep letting her back?? I donâspam�t know.. this has gone on for so long........ this is the worst iv have ever felt... i need help i cant deal with this on my own...
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