Medical Questions > Mental Health > Eating Disorders Forum

binging, and self bullying

im 16 im 5f 7 and I weigh 60kgs. I really want to lose weight and be thinner, im a competitive runner and believe I will be faster if im lighter. every morning I wake up and eat very little but every evening around 9pm I binge, I will literally eat everything in sight. but I never ever purge even though I have tried always stop my self. I believe I am fat and ugly and want to be skinny. I think people will like me more if im thin. every time I binge I get really mad and start screaming at myself in the mirror, I will shout at myself and call myself horrible names and pull the skin and fat from around my hips and abdomen. I also punch and slap my hip bones and tummy until I bruise eventually making myself cry and go to bed only for it all to start again tomorrow Sad this is really affecting my training, what is wrong with me ?
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First Helper AlieJ

replied July 10th, 2013
I would really appreciate some sort of feedback on this, i'm too afraid to tell my mom.
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replied July 26th, 2013
someone needs to know
I can relate not wanting to tell your mother. When I was 13 and anorexic, I didn't tell my mother. Later, when I was being abused by my boyfriend, I didn't want to tell her either. When I was pregnant with my second child, I didn't want to tell her and got an abortion. She didn't know about that either. It seems to be a common thing that when we feel something is wrong with us, we don't want others, especially those close to us, to know. It's scary and a humiliating because we know there is a problem. When there is a problem, which there is in your case, it important to let someone know. Maybe not your mother, but an adult who can lead you to the right course of action; say, a counselor or therapist. I would think a teacher or your doctor. It's hard to just jump into a conversation about something so personal but I have found it is easiest when one is direct and forthcoming. An example would be to say, "I need help. I need to tell someone about something that's going on. I dont want to tell my mom yet. Will you listen?" Go from there.
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Users who thank Isha03 for this post: menoname 

replied August 1st, 2013
Sorry you're struggle.

You have a restrictive eating disorder, rather than binge eating disorder.

You don't need to loose weight as your BMI is on the lower end of normal. You need some body fat to be healthy and you may already have too little.

You probably eat the right amount. If you add up how many calories you eat per day, it's probably what you need, or even too little. You should work towards eating three meals and snacks, rather than eating all of your calories in one go.

It's probably a good idea for you to take a break from running and get your eating patterns normalised. Proper nutrition is essential for avoiding injuries and good performance.

You obviously need some help with your feelings. I suggest you tell someone about your body image issues and self harm. The problem is an unhealthy diet can effect your mind and cause disordered eating and a distorted body image. Once you're eating correctly you may find these thoughts diminish and therapy may help too.
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