Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Relationships Forum

bi-polar ex-boyfriend, I miss him and want him back...

Hello, I discovered this forum some time ago and I am reading the topics everyday, as I am miserable and I am looking for any advice, which can help. Maybe you can suggest me something, but I need constructive feedback...I met my (ex)bf 3 years ago via internet. I come to his country to visit him. I feel in love very quickly and after nearly one year of distance relationship, he moved to another country and I followed him and moved in. We lived together for nearly 2 years, the whole relationship was nearly 3 years. He broke up with me via email and completely cut mi off. He threatened me several times with police, and lawyers for stalking. He kicked me out of the apartment whole I was on holiday suddenly. He told he is afraid of me that I may attack him with a knife. I realized he is bipolar only some 3 weeks ago. Before that I had no idea what is going on. I know he was at least twice on psychiatric sick leave and that he was taking meds for depression and that his psychologist(s) advised him to break up with me as we are in toxic relationship. He was always a bit abusive and he was aggressive and had anger fits for small reasosn but I never knw what is going on and I used to think it is my fault. Right now he doesn't want to know me anymore, after kicking me out of the apartment he still wanted to repair the relationship but he did not have time for me, he was cold towards me, he did not want to sleep with me, he was taking the keys to the apartment and not allowing me to come there, acussimng me of stalking. never calling me, his appearance has changed totally, he grew beard, he stopped taking care of his looks, all the time he talks about stress at work. I told him I want a serious relationship and that otherwise I return home, and he threatened me with police once again (I was waiting for him at his apartment block once with a gift cause I thought he will come soon, he told he will take the montiring video and take to the police that I am stalking). I want to tell that his appearance and looks everything changed dramatically in December after being diagnosed with medical condition. He stated he has vocal cords problem, because we argue a lot and that he shouted at me and that it is my fault. In last email when he broke up with me he wrote we love each other but we are not the right partners for each other because of the differences in character. He refused to talk, brought me the rest of my things and wrote it is over forever and if I write message he goes to the police. At the end of the March he was writing me messages like hi Baby, and we used to go to the restaurant together and cinema so you get my point how confusing it is. I wrote him emails that he is probably bipolar and that he needs medication , that I love him that I do not care aboit apartment or money , anything that I want to help him. Nothing helps. I do not know what more can I do. I can't belive it is over for real.... I take medications now myself, I take counselling, I talk with family on Skype, and meet with friends. I feel terrible pain. Is there anything I can do??? My family thinks I am better off without him, as he did not commit, propose, didnt want to have family. He was telling all the time he is afraid. I did not understand it back then, maybe he hid the diagnosis from me and this is the reason why he did not want to have a family...? I still love him and I am thinking all the time about him. I do not know what to do, nothing helps. And he completely doesnt care about how I feel... when he was better he was feeding me vegetables, massaging me, taking for dinners.... I have so many remorses and I am constantly thinking that I could have been a better gf. I had no idea that he is sick and I had high recquirements from him. I wanted that we rent/ buy a house, start a family, marry, and lead a normal life. He was not able to do all those things as even the smallest things drive him crazy and he cannot deal with pressure and stress..... He told me he wants to be single. Before me he had around 13 gfs.None of the relationships last long. I am aware that if he has a next gf it will be just couple of months as he has anger fits and is unpredicatable. The same at work, he has problems at work. I genuinely want to help him. His family is hiding the problem, sweeping under the carpet, they just care about him earning money and that is all. How can I move on? he refuses to talk. Why he told me he loves me and he does not care at all. Can he change his mind even though he told it is over forever .....? Why is he threatening me with police - I do not send him abusive things and in fact I stopped messages. They were normal messages, like please talk....
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied February 10th, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
It seems that he has borderline personality trait,
so he would part way again if he reunites with you. Better is to avoid him.
You can talk to him by visiting him on weekend.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Did you find this post helpful?
Quick Reply
DISCLAIMER: "Ask a Doctor" questions are answered by certified physicians and other medical professionals. For more information about experts participating in the "Ask a Doctor" Network, please visit our medical experts page. You may also visit our Bipolar Relationships , for moderated patient to patient support and information.

The information provided on eHealth Forum is designed to improve, not replace, the relationship between a patient and his/her own physician. Personal consultation(s) with a qualified medical professional is the proper means for diagnosing any medical condition.