Medical Questions > Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum

bi-polar destroying sex life

Ever since ive been dignosed with bi-polar disorder all the medication i been takin has total killed my sex drive and my marrage. My wife tries to plesure me but im never in the mood i just wanna be left alone. I cant even get aroused by anything. Dose anyone have any suggestions? Pleace
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First Helper balone
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Users who thank psycho71580 for this post: xfinitee 

replied April 13th, 2009
I haven't been on meds in about 2 years now and I still want nothing to do with sex. But I do it anyway because my hubby doesn't deserve a non-sexual marriage.

before all the meds and finding out that I am bipolar my sex life was just awesome!
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replied April 16th, 2009
Experienced User
Diddo
It will kill any relationship as far as I am concerned.
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replied May 12th, 2009
Problems with bipolar husbands lack of intimacy
I was glad to hear that others have problems with their spouse in the bedroom - I was really starting to beleive it is me..my husband has no feelings of intaicy for me, he was diagnosed 6 years ago, we split up for about 3 months (married 27 years) got back together - he had a thing for some gal a work - he has been home for 5 years now and it is starting all over again - its really hard not to be able to hold,cuddle etc with him, its driving me nuts!! I love him to death and know that he is very sick, its like a cancer but you do not die from it. I will hang in there for he is my life. I go to a counselor to help me understand what is going on with our lives, I am taking care of ME so that I may be there for him....
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replied May 27th, 2009
I am also experiencing the same thing. My partner no longer has a sex drive--especially after he started taking lithium. We used to have a healthy sex life to what is now pratically non existent. I thought it was me, but to see these posts helped me feel much better about everything. It hurts when he wants to just masturbate just to get off, and it makes me feel like it is me--that I am the problem, I know that is not the case at all, but I can't help but feel that way. We dont cuddle as much or have such intimate moments because he just lost a lot of the intimacy when he started on lithium. I know that it is not me, but like I said--it can be hard to think otherwise at times. I just want him to know that I love him. Something you guys can work on is a "sex schedule" that way you both know that it will happen, you can prepare for it, and truly make it a special night.
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replied May 27th, 2009
Thank you boston11 - I would love to have a sex schedule but the only problem is at this time of his BP mood, I never know when to even hug him! I wait till he wants to even do that! I know that I need to maybe give him more space - I don't know, sometimes I think I am the crazy one! I love this man deeply, for 31 years to be exact and maybe my hopes are too far fetched, time will tell i suppose. Thank you again for answering my question at least I know that I am not alone in this wild world of BP. LOL
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replied May 27th, 2009
Of course! I am glad to be all of the help that I can be. I am in the same place where I do not know when it is okay to hug him, or even kiss him. He doesnt even want a kiss on the cheek so much. Something that I am starting to do is to occupy myself during the week and I try to make Friday nights me and him time--as well as either sunday or saturday. That way we can watch a movie, cuddle, and hug and kiss eachother--but during the stressful work week he can focus on work as can I or I can just sit on the sofa with him--not cuddle--but just watch a movie or tv. The hard part to remember is that they still love you just as much as you love them--it is just physically and emotionally harder to show it because of this terrible disease!
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replied May 28th, 2009
ive been on a myriad of psychological drugs for ten years. to say i have no interest in sex would be an understatement. My husband understands and is very supportive. We just went 4 months without anything. We cuddle, and when i feel like i can at least DEAL with it, we try to, and if im not feeling it, we quit. Im very lucky to have a husband who understands, but weve been together ten years and hes only known me like this for the most part.
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replied January 4th, 2010
bipolar
I have lived with a bipolar husband for over 13 yrs. Sex was awesome at first but it was difficult to get it even once per week. I had cancer and a complete hysterectomy and he has not touched me since then. It has been 4 1/2 years. I occasionally get a kiss on the cheek, rarely a hug. He does not now want to do foreplay and cannot understand why women need it. He is not on meds and denies he is bipolar. He does his hobby and pretty much ignores me. We are older, no kids and I have no family left alive. Several folks in his family are on bipolar meds. I feel very much alone and not wanted.
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replied January 21st, 2010
It is soooooo sad.... I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 10 years now. When we first met, I was in a manic state, so the sex life was awesome... Finally, I hit a really bad depression and had to go back on meds. Sex life over. I was just recently diagnosed as Bipolar and am on so many meds, I wonder if I will ever want to have sex again.. It is so unfair to my husband, he deserves a better marriage than this.. I would ask my doc if there was anything I could take for it, but it is very embarrasing.
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replied May 18th, 2010
Buggalux

My husband has been diagnosed with BP only recently. It came as a shock I've heard of BP before but did not really take notice as it did not affect my life at that stage. It is a terrible terrible illness!The problem with BP is it is so hard to diagnose. My hubby was on antidepressants for 2 years before he was properly diagnosed.In that time he had a fling with one of his co-workers I found out and it made me feel like a total loser!! I could not for the life of me understand why! Only after he was diagnosed did it all make sense, all the strange behaviour, the rudeness and agression also made sense.I feel very trapped and lonely at times but I have been with him for 28 yrs, "for better or worse" and I still love him deeply, it is just so hard not to get any love or affection from someone that once was crazy about you, and that you hope will one day come back to you. Will this ever happen? Do they ever become"normal"? I agree it is a very very sad situation and I feel so sorry for BP sufferers.
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replied November 6th, 2010
Experienced User
i found some of the posts here very interesting as the same was happening to me, my boyfriend did not like hugging or kissing, he had days when he would be in a high and would hold hands, hug me and kiss me (not a real kiss though), but they were very few and far between, mostly he could not hold hands, could not kiss, once I simply touched him in the arm and he exploded! he said he didnt want to be touched. He used to say never to touch him above the neck, I had a time to get to touch his face once or twice. I do understand the devastation this can cause. He was very sexy,but only sometimes would cuddle me, I had the most difficult time to get to hold his hand in bed sometimes. He also left me without reason, got a woman in a bar and now is saying that she is nothing to him, however I got tired of the whole thing, I need a proper caring man, I know it is his BR, but he wont even admit he is sick.
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replied November 7th, 2010
I was married to a bi-polar man for 25 years. He hung himself for our 20 year old daughter to find when he realixzed I was leaving him. Bi-polars have this in common Mania=hypersex.... depression=nosex=my fault fat disgusting etc. He was a monster. He quoted the Bible while feeding his 30 year love affair with porn. He was into the expensive sick stuff by the end. He blamed me like a bi polar would as they must always blame someone else for their problems.I was a swimmer walker with a great figure.I have 0 self esteem noe I have stopped exersing and now look like he always made me feel.Over wieght and dumpy. Sex life????? forget about it. I hate him for what he did. Get out while you are young. they get worse as they age.Sorry all you BP's out there you destroy people. You can not have it both ways. Stop using others to give you comfort. You are not all that.To those of you with BP's Run! do not walk away.
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replied November 7th, 2010
To those of you writing about lack of affection. Please do your homework on BP's sex drive. They crave sex. My late husband would want to have sex with small children in the room. He only thought of pleasing himself. I had to act as sex police. Then he would flip and there would be no interest in sex for a year or so. I now know he was getting it ... but not from me.I do not beleive a thing a BP says. Since he has died I have discovered a whole hidden life he led. Spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to do it. BP's are are smart and conning and not to be trusted. They will use you in any way they can. Do not enable them. Draw a line and do not let them cross it. I did that with my husband at the end and it became a battle of wills. He folded. At the end of the day he needed me the create a normal looking smoke screen. People thought we were the perfect couple. Both good looking caring of one another etc.I hid his sins for years. Felt sorry for him tried to 'help' him he took and took never giving back ie. he TOLD me I did not need to hear nice things because I was born a happy person. And I was. He sucked me dry and BP's wll do that. Beware.... what I am reding is not normal. You all have one thing in common..... you are caring people and they will prey on that. Ask yourselfs this . Why do you never and I mean ever hear about 2 bp's together as a couple? Think about that.......You all deserve better.
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Users who thank balone for this post: exoticlady 

replied April 27th, 2012
its not the fault of BP that your husband was a pedophile.. thanks for killing a helpful forum.... maybe yo should be seeking help els ware.... i for one think your post was outrages and very mush off subject . draw a line move on. and stop trying to drag BP sufferers down with you.

I Have Bp and am in a very loving relationship,
i believe the discussion hear is (or was before you distorted it ) the lack of sexual activity wile in the usual depressive state. not how perverse and cruel someone can be.
i'm sorry for you loss and experience, it was awful , but please don't tar everyone with the same brush...
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Thanks for your patience!

replied October 3rd, 2013
So glad I found this forum. I recently broke up with this dude. I live in Africa and have never heard of such disorder before. I dated this man for three years and he constantly lies and he's always mean. He always made me feel like I was nothing, like I don't deserve him. Never showing affection publicly. Our sex life was always about him. He's constantly on the Internet watching porn. Sometimes he's nice, but most times I just get the feeling he's mad at something but I can never put my finger on it. He would go to the shower in a happy mood and come out and he's mean to the dog. I always wondered if we ever had kids if he'll be nice to them. Having stumbled on this post, now I understand why he's such a miserable person. My new boyfriend treats me like a queen. Thank you for this post.
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replied January 27th, 2015
My husband has bipolar we have no sex life.He has been looking at porn all the time but will not touch me I'm 38 years old and I'm not sure what to do I'm to the point I feel like I should leave him or stay and find another lover.
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replied April 14th, 2015
I'm also taking lithium and clonazapam I'm 24 years old and even before my meds my sex drive was decreasing when me and my wife got together 3 years ago we would have sex everyday sometimes multiple times but now it's alot less sex maybe 1 every month I'm young and I want to have a good sex life with my wife I heard with bipolar disorder it's just gets worse and worse with ago is it possible to take a medication to increase my sex drive while on my regular meds
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replied April 22nd, 2015
Thanks.
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