Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

Being Dumped for Someone Else

Hi everyone,
I'm new to this website and decided to join and post for two reasons. First, I wanted to stop feeling alone. Like I was the only one going through the pain of being dumped by someone I truly loved and also because I wanted to share my story.
I was recently dumped by my boyfriend that I had for close to 2 years. Within these two years we has several breakups as well as down periods. The thing is, when he got together with me, he has just gotten out of a deep relationship with an ex that had been going on for years in an on and off manner. Therefore, in our relationship he kept having doubts of whether he wanted to be with her or me that repeated itself every few months or so. Nave me, I thought it would go away, I thought he would just have to grieve his ex and we would be able to be together. But the years only showed me that he would probably never get over her and I was right because he dumped me two weeks before our two year anniversary to go back with her.

Over the past few days I realize it is not only the fact that we broke up that is hard to take. By taking a few steps back I could see that we clearly could not go on in that manner. I lost all trust I had in him and the relationship was causing me great anxiety and stress. I could no longer think about myself, I was completely obsessed with doing everything I possibly could to keep him with me. It was emotionally draining. This is so not because I kept fighting, but hearing him talk to me about his confusion and tell me that he could never love me like he loves her really got to me. I didn't see my self worth anymore. I was just glued to him like a drug. So what hurts the most is no matter how much I tried, how much I loved him, it wasn't enough to keep him with me. He left me anyway regardless of how much I cared about our relationship.

I would understand if he left me because he though we were no longer a match, but he left me for a woman who which he broke up with multiple times and had so many problems with. He kept breaking up and getting back together with her over and over again and the same problems kept resurfacing. So I keep asking myself why ? Why would he leave me to go back to something that clearly did not work after trying time and time again. How could he believe that it could possibly work after he left her so many times, cheated on her and broke up because he thought things were not right ?

With that said, the explanations for this and the things he told me the day we broke up were very hurtful and disrespectful. He told me that even though he tried he could never love me like he loves her and that he simply has to try with her again. He told me that he would apply everything that he learnt with me in his new trial with her. He said that he is thankful that he met me and had a chance to be with me because I changed him and now , finally, he is ready to be with her. This angered and saddened me. It makes me feel like all I was for him was a tool. A course and now he's ready for the job. It make me feel like I meant nothing to him. He even says that he will go to therapy to work on his commitment issues and that everything will be perfect and well with his "soul mate" which is clearly not me. This is what I cannot yet simply get over and I don't know how to.

A part of me still wonders if it's my fault, If I just wasn't good enough. I begged him to say and I promised I would change out of desperation. But I have to realize that I am better than that and I deserve to be treated well. It just really hurts to know that while I am grieving , sad, depressed and lonely at home, he is working on his relationship with her and is happy. A part of me wants him to be mopping, wants him to be sad over us. A part of me even wants his new relationship with his ex to fall to pieces so that he can realize that he made a mistake leaving me. Not necessarily because I want him back, but because at least I could know that I did mean something. That he just didn't wipe me out of his life one day and did not care the about us.

Tomorrow is going to make it a week since we parted, a week since we are no longer in each other lives and I am still hurting. I know its a process and one day Ill be okay. But, I spend my days in sadness thinking about where he is and what he's doing with her. I'm trying to be strong but it is hard. This is my first real relationship seeing that I am turning 20 in august and people say the first is always the worst. A part of me wishes it never happened, but I know I have to come to terms with it one day.

However, he actually left her all times. He kept saying that they are not compatible and blah. And now all of sudden, thanks to me apparently, he's changed and now they can live happily ever after somehow! Because he realizes he has commitment issues n is now seeking therapy? What bout all his other issues , the lack of trust, communication ? It'll all magically disappear?

it's still pretty hard to take it all in. what does she have that I don't? Why would he go back with someone he broke up with at least 8 times with instead of being with me ? I'm hooked on this thought I just can't seem to let it go !!
Hopefully I will find love again and be happy one day. I just do not see it now.

Is anyone going through something similar or did in the past and would like to give advice or just share their stories ?

Or even if you haven't ?

I would really appreciate it to know that I am not alone and things do get better.

Thank you

Kad
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper sk19
|

replied May 29th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
Hello,

I can virtually guarantee he hasn't told you everything that was in his mind, you don't know what was in the mind of his ex and you cannot take on the role of dispassionate observer. If you knew the full story and were able to analyse it I believe you would find your ex is someone carrying a load of guilt about how he conducted his former relationship and he is driven to try and make amends even though the final outcome will almost certainly be the same.

By your own admission your relationship with him was corrosive to your personality and self-worth. It is a sad time for you but it is good it is over. The sad time will pass but meanwhile please don't torture yourself with thoughts of the wonderful time they are having because they probably aren't having such a great time at all.

Good luck!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 26th, 2013
Hi Kad,

I'm sorry for what your going through. I've been going through something slightly similar, the guy I was with broke up with me because he had a lot of issues and one of them was the fact that he still had feelings for someone be tried to pursue a few years back but never got with because she got back with her ex and had a child with him...... I think they broke up a few months ago and my guy must think he's in with a chance to finally get what he couldn't have before.

I feel so angry with him and it makes me feel like I'm worthless, I keep telling myself I'm better off out of it because he's just shown his true colours, he's not worth my love and efforts and he's definitely not the right one for me.

Don't let anyone make you feel worthless and don't compromise yourself for anyone. You deserve better and to be treated right.

I hope you feel slightly better. I know how hard it is, we had our whole life planned out, we lived together, talked about our future and children all the time, go to see each others families and we were always inseparable, we were really good together....everyone always said that but at the end look what happened to us.............some things just aren't meant to be, that doesn't mean we give up, we just have to pick ourselves up and mend our broken hearts and give someone else a chance.

I know it's easier said than done I went into depression for over a month and I'm still healing, getting upset everyday feeling like I'm just existing. But I just keep telling myself it WILL get better.

I'm here if you need to chat xx
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 7th, 2014
hey, i know this is old, so maybe you won't see it... but out of curiosity, did your guy get together with the other girl- the one with the baby? did they work out or did he come back to you at all? how did you end up after all of this?

similar situation... :/
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 26th, 2013
Ps: your still so young you have your whole life ahead of you. Break ups are never easy, this is my second serious relationship and I know what I will and will not put up with in the next one I get into!! Xxx
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 26th, 2013
Hi Kad,

I'm sorry for what your going through. I've been going through something slightly similar, the guy I was with broke up with me because he had a lot of issues and one of them was the fact that he still had feelings for someone be tried to pursue a few years back but never got with because she got back with her ex and had a child with him...... I think they broke up a few months ago and my guy must think he's in with a chance to finally get what he couldn't have before.

I feel so angry with him and it makes me feel like I'm worthless, I keep telling myself I'm better off out of it because he's just shown his true colours, he's not worth my love and efforts and he's definitely not the right one for me.

Don't let anyone make you feel worthless and don't compromise yourself for anyone. You deserve better and to be treated right.

I hope you feel slightly better. I know how hard it is, we had our whole life planned out, we lived together, talked about our future and children all the time, go to see each others families and we were always inseparable, we were really good together....everyone always said that but at the end look what happened to us.............some things just aren't meant to be, that doesn't mean we give up, we just have to pick ourselves up and mend our broken hearts and give someone else a chance.

I know it's easier said than done I went into depression for over a month and I'm still healing, getting upset everyday feeling like I'm just existing. But I just keep telling myself it WILL get better.

I'm here if you need to chat xx
|
Did you find this post helpful?