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Baby Fever, How Do I Stop These Thoughts??

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I'm 18 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. For years now i have had serious baby fever. ive done everything i can to stop it and put me off babies and nothing seems to work. I've babysat loads, ive watched birthing videos, ive had children overnight. Nothing seems to put me off, everything i do or see just makes me want to have a baby even more. My boyfriend is sick of hearing me tell him so now i dont bother because it will just cause arguements because it doesnt get anywhere, we both know that we couldnt afford a baby yet although we are ready so the conversation is always pointless because i dont know what i want out of the conversation. This has me in tears all the time, any moment i'm alone and have a chance to think, this is the first thing that comes to my head and it brings me to tears knowing that i cant have one and thinking about having one at the same time.
Has anyone got any advice on how i can reduce these thoughts because its getting in the way of my everyday life. I want a baby more than anything and i know i cant have one yet but i need my head to understand that.
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First Helper purplebee08
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replied February 4th, 2011
Abi, if i were u, i'd look into getting a pet. if u already have one, get another : ) i suggest a small puppy. they're just as much of a responsibility and i personally think they have "human tendencies." but on another scale, if you seriously want to get rid of these thoughts that seem to be doing you more harm than good, you might want to speak to a counselor. i'm not implying that anything is wrong with you, but if you speak to a professional about this, they may be able to help you get rid of these thoughts. i'm no psychologist, but i do believe that your strong desire for a baby may have resulted from a past experience, meaning you may have underlying issues that you want to resolve, but just need help in doing so. that's nothing to be ashamed of...it's actually a good thing that you're speaking about this. it means you're acknowledging that these thoughts are negative (i say that only b/c they're causing you stress) and trying to make them positive.
Another thing you can do that might help is set up a plan with your boyfriend. maybe you guys should discuss how you see your future together..... what are ur goals? when do you think you'll be ready for marriage? what type of things do you want to experience as a couple and individually? once you two answer all of these questions, and i mean like seriously think them thru and come up with the most precise answer possible, u will then have somewhat of a plan laid out before you. this will help u to determine where having a baby might fit in. at least if you are able to give urself an estimated time that having a baby will best suit u and ur bf, you won't have to ask anymore, reducing arguments with ur bf, and plus, you'll have something to look forward to....and i don't just mean a baby, even thou it is the best thing anyone can look forward to, but whatever goals, activities, and dreams u and ur boyfriend come up with! let me kno how it turns out...plz post back if u need more advice. i hope this helps! GOOD LUCK!
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replied February 5th, 2011
This is really helpful, I think the underlyin issue is that we accidentally fell pregnant when i was 15 and we are both against abortion so i was keeping the baby and then i had a miscarraige a few days after i found out i was pregnant so i kind of feel that was stolen from me.
At the moment i am still living with my parents so i will have to wait until i move out to get a pet but both me and my partner want a puppy or a kitten or that is a realistic goal.
I'm thinking about going to my doctor about this regarding the councilling if you think that would help but i know i will just start crying again as soon as i start talking about it. But then again that may help my doctor see the seriousness of this.
Me and my boyfriend have been over our life plan many times, we hope to get engaged this year. We aim to be married by around 25-26 and have children before then. I am at sixth form at the moment and a going back to college next year for 2 years and so i my boyfriend for 3 years. So from this we've worked out that we could afford to have a baby when he is 22 and i will be twenty one.
I think going to the doctor is a good idea because this feeling is not going away so maybe dealing with the miscarraige will help because i do feel sometimes that having a baby would replace that baby but i know it wont.
Thank you for your help.
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replied February 11th, 2011
I hope everything works out for you. If you are considering counseling, there's a few things that you should know. 1.) Don't be afraid or ashamed. I've undergone counseling before and was very uncomfortable b/c I felt like I was telling a stranger my life story, which I really was. But they are trained professionals that will NOT judge you and actually try to make you feel as comfortable as possible. I remember food being involved during a lot of sessions -lol- food always seems to get people to relax. 2.) It's ok to cry. Crying is actually a good thing. We're only human and it IS one of those things that humans do. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. It's their job to help you feel comfortable enough to open up. Everything is confidential between you and the doctor, so don't worry about "saying the right thing." Say what you feel, whatever way best suits you. Even if you have to scream! : )
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