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Baby daddy left

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Ok, well I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and abortion has NEVER crossed my mind. I wasn't ready to get pregnant I'll tell you that lol I'm twenty years old and a sophomore in college and a baby didn't fit into my plans too well. I ended up hooking up with this guy that I had known for about five months and we ended up going out. Well come December I found out I was pregnant. He was so happy and he was glad I was the one he was having a baby eventually came down to the point where we loved each other as more than friends. Well we told our family and friends and we moved in together right away. It was good at first and then things started going down hill. He wanted me to change...I am far from his usual, his usual is really skinny girls that are kinda snobs. I'm a down to earth girl that isn't a model or anything but I'm not the size of a whale. I tried to change for him but he just wasn't taking it too well. Well summer has hit and we both went our seperate ways but agreed to try and work it out till December.

I texted him one night and told him that I loved him and he asked me what I loved. I'm not the type of person that can just name stuff like that, I just feel it in my heart. Well one thing came down to another and he told me that he didn't love me and didn't care about me the same way he used to. I took that hard, because I tried so hard to make it work. He ends up telling me that he likes this other girl...she is his friend and mine but she's closer to him...well they had been flirting for a while and I noticed it, and I said something about it but he told me I had nothing to worry about. She has a boyfriend though...and likes my now ex. He told her not to leave her boyfriend for him but they keep texting and flirting. It's just so hard to watch. He told me that he's not looking for a relationship right now with anyone though...but I figured if this girl and her guy split they will get together.

Now the worst part is that me and my ex are deciding to stay friends. Of course I still want us to be more but he says he can't fake it and be with me because he's not like that. Now since we lived together we split rent and utilities and everything so it was cheaper for us, but now we can't afford to move out of the same room. So we're stuck together until he figures something out because my mom knows what's going on and she said she would come up with money. The girl he likes is also moving into the same house as us, and it's only going to get harder for me and he doesn't quite realize that. I've tried to tell him that it will really hurt me but he doesn't seem to care.

I know he's going to make a great father and he's going to take care of our baby but he left me when I needed him most. Now I'm just hurt and lost. I asked him to take this summer to let both of us grow into more mature people but he doesn't seem to be making the effort. Lately I've been asking God for help and I asked him if we were going to get back together and he showed me that we were, but I don't know if that's actually going to happen because his unwillingness to try. He says he tried the last few days we were together to get any type of feelings for me but it just wasn't working and I honestly think it's because he's hung up on this other girl.

All three of us are scheduled to work this camp together and I'm picking him up so we can work on birthing plans and stuff. I even asked the camp director if he could keep these two away from each other and put me with one of them so that way I can watch them at all times.

I told him I'm scared and I need him by my side come July when we both move back to school and he says he'll be there as a friend but I need more than that. I want a physical relationship one full of love and kisses. My main priority is our daughter though...he told me there are plenty of people that raise kids seperated and I just don't want to do that. I want us to work, and I keep praying that he grows up and realizes that I'm the woman that is meant for him.

I would move out myself and get a different room as him but I don't want to put him in a financial bind. This is his second semester of school and his gpa isn't too great so he can't get financial aid. he's talking about going on a payment plan but I want to believe that if we stay in the same room that his feelings might return. I try to talk to him everyday and show him that I'm a different person and that he can learn to love me...but I just don't know what to do right now. I don't really have any friends to turn to here and I keep trying to busy myself so I don't think about it but I can't help it.

One thing I want to discuss when I pick him up is the naming situation he wants her to have his last name, but since we aren't together I don't want him to have that. I want her to have my last name because I feel he doesn't deserve it since he broke up with me. And I think our holiday situations have changed too...I want and need him in my life but I don't think that I can handle just being friends.

Does anyone have any advice?
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First Helper etgp

replied May 25th, 2010
I have the same situation as you do. I am pregant 30 weeks and the father and I had a lot of fight as we both have different personality since the beginning of our relationship. We were convinced we love each other so much from the beginning even we have a lot of issue between us and because of the chemistry, we tried to stay together. We made a mistake that he planned to have this baby too soon as my age is getting older.

Now he can't handle the stress and the issue between us and thinking of separated during the process of pregnancy. He told me the same thing that he loves me but not as much as it used to be because we hurted each other every time when we fight. I love him dearly and wanted to work this out and have a healthy family together but it seems like he is unwillingly to work it out harder. We are currently living together but I feel like I am just a room-mate or being there when he needs me pysically and mentally. But he was not there enought to give a support when I need him the most.

I am living there because of this baby, and I could not pay a rental for now. So I have to put up a lot of all this cold and uncaring attitude towards me. it's much more easier if you don't see him a lot and try to focus on baby and other activities. Slowly you will be able to move on and being independant and not expecting anything from him. I find it the most diffecult is when you live together with him under the same roof and experience how the way he re-acts to you and it hurts.

I think you have to make a decision yourself that you are going to try to focus more on the baby and your new life and not thinking about him anymore and move on with your life. It's tought at the beginning but rather better than seeing his face and the way he doesn't care about you anymore. I hear you totally !!!!

Move on and spend the most value time with your baby or seek for community and people like us "Pregant single lady" hang out more and give your chance to heal from this unhealthy relationship. Good luck
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replied January 2nd, 2012
I'm sorry about your situation and I am stuck in a tough one as well. My boyfriend of a few rocky months and I just found out that I was expecting. I'm about two months along and I don't have energy to worry about little things, but there are a few big bumps that I'm constantly thinking about.

He's younger than me and already has a child with another (even younger) girl. He's been in trouble with the law and has had a rough life growing up without a father and going through foster care. He has shown glimpses of himself being a good person, and I know he can be (he's never physically hurt me and I know that will never be an issue). However, the other girl is always going to be there and still is in love with him. Obviously he's chosen (for now), but I've seen him leave her and I am so afraid he'll do the same to me. What do I do? I want him to be around for doctor's appointments and to be in the baby's life once it's born, but emotionally I refuse to go back and forth concerning my relationship with him. I've seen him with his first daughter and I know he's a great dad. I just don't know about how well of a partner he'll be in the long run. Right now he has absolutely nothing and is getting his life back together going to school and getting work. He's living with me due to his circumstances so that also makes it hard to break up with him and kick him out. I don't know how our future is going to be because it's hot and cold everyday.

I'm tired of the fighting and I know it's not healthy for the baby to feel the stress. I just have to be strong and pray that things will work out, but it's so difficult. I've told him that if he messes around while he's with me I'm not going to be like the other girl and keep going back to him. Does that make me a bad person if I'm carrying his child? I just need an answer and some guidance. Please.

Read more: Single and Pregnant Forum - Baby Daddy Drama...advice Needed! html#ixzz1iI4vgDTY
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replied January 2nd, 2012
Be an independent mom.
I am sorry to hear about your situation Sunshinenee. I know how hard it is to go through this situation especially when we are the most vulnerable. My daughter has been 18 months old now since my last post. My boyfriend and I finally broke up. I just could not take it anymore. He was just not there even he promised trying to work it out. Being lonely alone is much better than being lonely with someone else.
Don't think about him anymore. He won't change and he will never change. The big chunck of him has gone and it will not be replace. All has be come a history. Try to move on with your life with the baby and learn to be more independent.
This is what I have learned. After we split, I am on my own. He does not give a damn to me. He cares about his daughter though, but now he is trying to be cheap. He wants to fight for 50/50 custody and share parenting, so he does not have to pay for child support. See how he gets so dirty and ugly after we split?
We need to protect ourselve. Try to not expecting anything from the men. If they care about the baby, they will take some responsible and show you that. Just raise the baby your own and not expecting anything from them. If they do try to be involve and offer some financial help. Accept it.
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