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Anxiety / Stress / Controlling Behavior / OCPD ?

Hi everyone! I need some help. I was wonndering what your thoughts may be of an ex girlfriend of mine who is older and is "Christian/Catholic". I'm trying to figure out if she suffers from high anxiety/controlling behavior or if she is bipolar to some degree. My friends say that I was controlled and manipulated and that spiritual abuse was taking place. Here's what I had noticed. Everything was being rushed really really fast. After 1 month of dating I was out looking at a new apartment and she didn't like the fact that I was looking at a 2 bedroom/2bath apartment, then it was gated communities don't work. Here behavior was so off the wall, that the gal who was showing us the apartments asked me how long I was dating her. I said 1 month. The leising agents reply was, "And she is acting like this?" Afterwards she apologized, but then told me that she loves me. I said "Oh you said it first." I thought it was strange after 1 month of telling someone that you love them. In March '10 she revisted the topic a few weeks later and I bucked up and asked her where this was coming from and my ex said, "Because you said that you might not have the money to date me." I got to the point where I got beat down and started to cry a bit and I told her about where I come from and my past. My ex started telling me things like, "I'm not sure if God wants me to be single or to be married again?" "She started asking me, "How do you act when you break up?" I just thought really strange questions like I never had heard before from other girlfriends. The next thing I know she brings me a St. Patrick's Day gifts that includes boxer shorts. So that was March '10. As we moved into April '10 everything seeemed to be OK, but then I brought her a single stem rose like I did 2 times prior and she had this nasty look on her face when I gave it to her. I didn't inquire. Her younger daughter's communion was coming up and I had plans on going, but I had asked her to tell her parents my age so there might not be some aukward feelings between her parents and I. The week that I was moving she spent the night over at my house and slept on the couch. She seemed to have just fallen asleep, so I didn't make her go home. The week that I was moving I was really tired. I had asked for a day to recover from moving the entire week and the next thing I know I get a phone call telling me that I'm not going to be able to go because I'm Christian. She seems to be both a Christian and a Catholic at the same time. I did not speak to her for 2 or 3 days, but then called her and I got 2 weird stories. 1st it was for my protection, then it was because it was her daughter's day and she didn't want her parents talking to me, but focusing in on her daughter. Then she said it was due to a family incident where one of her sisters was dating a guy who ended up stalker her sister. I said to myself, "Oh! Now I'm labelled as a potential stalker." I heard these commnets and controlling behavior went off in my head. About a week later I said something about my bank account being down to my last $38.37 for the week and she just up and left. She said that she really learned a lot from me and wanted to wish me well in my future relationships. I felt abandoned. I said that if and when she wanted to come back that she could and we could talk. She did come back about a day or so later, we talked and moved on. Maybe I should list out some behaviors. This might be a bit easier.


1. She would call me up and just start going off on
me for no reason. She could get mad, but I
couldn't. Also, would nit pic everything that I am
to death.
2. It was OK for her to talk about her past
relationships, but I got scolled at when I did and
I only did twice, that's how infrequent it was on
my part.
3. When I would get upset and raise my voice she
would immediatetly move into the phase of, "I
don't think our relationship is going to work out
anymore. I don't like this" It immediately made me
cower down and just broken.
4. Subtle moves toward sex month to month. First
boxers, then spending the night over at my house,
then grabbing my crotch. Then tells me that she
only wants to bring me pleasure. Very impulsive.
5. She is a perfectionist and believes she is
authoritarian over anyone or AKA self righteous.
Said that she's a very practical person. Also, I'm
an engineer, but I'm in balance with
life/surroundings/friends.
6. Has many rules/lists all over her house. (ie) kids
have seating arrangements in the minivan that they
must adhere to. List on how to flush and clean the
toilet for her kids and guests. The meals for the
week are all planned out in advance.
7. Will only eat organically so that she knows what's
in the food and what she's eating. No milk in the
house. No O.J either. It was water and Kroger
vitamin "C" tablets mixed in with water to make
O.J.
8. Was upsetting everyone and getting into
confrontations with gals in her bible group, me,
her kids, 2 people at work, her ex husband. Kids
would complain that she is provoking them.
9. Believes in "energy" and a holistic chiropractor
as opposed to regular doctors. Told her oldest
daughter that when she was sick that she got sick
because she didn't guard her heart or her mind.
10. Her energy level is like nothing that I've seen
for a 43 year old women. She just keeps going and
going and going. Never would yawn or say that
she's tired. Superwomen and could do it all.
11. Movies and T.V. are watched for the sake of
education and not to just relax and veg out.
12. Grinds her teeth so that she has cracks in her
teeth or enamel.
13. Will clean from time to time in the middle of the
night.
14. I was sick and she called up after work really
rude and kept making statements about my money,
credit score, or if I could have a house in a
year - When I got laid off from work a month
earlier. She was very assertive and nasty about it.
15. Said that I shouldn't attend her bible group
anymore until God 's will was revealed that we
should be together and we start attending
premarital classes. That I thought was isolation
incident #2.
16. Showed no interest in who I am as a person.
Everything was about her family and pictures,
spiritual gifts etc. She never inquired about my
family, spiritual gifts, or my family pictures.
17. When I got laid off she wouldn't come over to my
apartment and figured that I would be still coming
over to her house a lot more, which is 14 miles
away one way. Couldn't see me side of supporting
me where I was at.
18. Made claims that she could choose the sex of her
children if she wanted too, when in fact it's the
male that determines the sex and not the women.
19. Would call her youngest son lazy and would
complain about her youngest daughter's weight.
20. Started to see some money problems taking place.
I would be transparent about my fiances and debt
to build confidence in being truthful, but it
seemed to only stress her out.
21. There are no coincidences and would find an
excuse for every thing happening. If some one
slipped or fell it was because they were thinking
about something, which is true from time to time.
This means that there are no accidents.
22. Said that she has a thing for germs. Doesn't
believe in immunizing kids. Would not want anyone
to see her in the hospital after giving birth for
fear of germs to her and the baby.
23. Very cold. Rarely would say honey sweetheart, or
any empathetic word. I was never called handsome.
She called me cold/calculating/selfish and said
that I liked to be the center of attention.
24. Gave me a bad look once when I didn't have the
money to support a child in a foreign country.
She wiped her head around and gave me a nasty
stare.
25. Isolated me from her family/friends/bible
studies. Would accept friend requests for friends
and family members on FB because I was one of her
friends. Seemed to like to stay at home most of
the time.
26. One moment would be picking me up and enouraging
me, then next moment she would slam me right down
and go off on me. Lowering my self esteem
27. Only told me in cards what she was feeling for me
after I wined and dinned her. It wasn't when I
payed attention to her, the kids, fixed things
around the house. Only after I spent money.
28. Got 2 friends phone numbers of mine and I don't
know how, but then would call them up and explain
her situation or side of an argument to my friend
and then my friend would tell her to ditch me.
29. No room for any kind of growth. I had to have it
ALL together right then and there.
30 Claimed that I was spiritually immature, when she
wouldn't look at herself and her own spiritual
immaturity. We'd finish going to church with a
sermon about being controlled by the fruits of the
spirit and we'd leave and 30minutes later she'd
tell me that she's being controlled sexually right
now and would want sex.
31. Told me she has memory and learning problems.
32. Very rigid in traditional roles. Very black and
white thinking.
33. Would NOT compromise and meet in the middle on
topics.
34. Had to home school her kids for fear of not being
properly taught or controlling what her children
were learning.
35. would plan a trip and instead of being excited
about it she'd have high anxiety about the trip.
36. would make stoires up about her ex husband and
then a month or two later would say, "I don't
have the evidence for that." Would say that FB
should only be used for certain things, then
change her mind the next week.
37. Twisted arguments around in her favor to make her
look innocent and would belitle me in the
arguments calling me controlling, selfish,
coldhearted, and wanting to be the center of
attention. Wasn't allowed to argue or
constructively argue. A lot of emotional
projection.
38. In the end after 6.5 months told me all of her
joy is gone and that she's not sure if her
isolationism is from depression or what.
39. Wouldn't let me leave at times to go home, get
food, or go see friends, when she could either go
with me or go to an event with her friends, while
my event was going on simultaneously.
40. Very little or few close friends.
41. Mental disease runs in her family.

Well I did some looking into her symptoms and it just seems like she suffers from obsessive compulsive personality disorder(OCPD), but there are some bipolar tendencies as well. I have dated (2) bipolar gals in the past. My family says too that she might be a gold digger as money, my credit score, and homes were being discussed all the time. Let me know what you think. Thanks in advance.
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replied September 24th, 2010
Search ASAP for info on Borderline Personality Disorder
Kamawella
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replied September 25th, 2010
Experienced User
Hi Kamawella! I looked into BPD and didn't think too much of it, but other than the cutting or self mutilation it would appear that the other symptoms are present. It just seems to me that she's too much of a perfectionist, that's why I Said OCPD. I told her that I will not strive to be perfect even if I wanted to and live to such high standards. The funny thing is, that I'm an engineer. and I don't take it to the extreme like she does. However, she did tell me that she was date raped once and I'm wondering if this is the result of it.
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replied September 25th, 2010
Experienced User
All here are a few basic criteria that I found to look for when it comes to Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD):

1. Preoccupation with orderliness and rules
2. Extreme perfectionism
3. Desire to be in control of situations
4. Inability to discard broken or worthless objects: She
has a ton of old beat up items that just need to be
thrown out such as a vacuum cleaner, hair trimmer etc.
Instead of buying new she will just keep having them
sent out and fixed over and over and over.
5. Inflexibility: Very much black and white thinking. No
middle ground or compromise could be seen or wanted to
be seen. I was held to such high standards of being
perfect. Again I'm an engineer and I like things neat
and orderly, but she wa sso far above my standards it
wasn't logical.
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replied October 16th, 2010
Controlling behavior? Emotional?
My boyfriend accuses me of looking at other men when I don't so ge loons at every other woman that walks by. He tells me I'm not allowed to drink or I Lose him because once after witnessing a friend being run over and killed j took drugs. He brings up my past n tells me it's my fault my ex husband cheated on me. He hoes out. Turns his phone off with explanation then comes home n orders me to bed. If I don't go straight away he threatens to go home. He skates my family for not helping me in certain situations n because he did I'm forever in his debt. He tells me that I've done more for ky ex husband than him so I must have loved him more. Is thins normal? Ge checks my breath n bin to see if I've been drinking when I have not and I've never had a problem with drugs or alcohol. He thinks I've ruined my 5 yr old son said that heceithrr has input n me not say anything or he walks out of the relationship . Can any one give their advice? Thanks
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