Anxiety , money worries, guilt

I can't eat or sleep, so I thought maybe talking to someone would help. I don't want this to ruin m relationship and there is a chance it will be fine but the prospect of more pain is driving me crazy , I'm driving myself crazy. I feel like every minute I'm burnng up.

Mokambaone. I understand what you're going through, believe me.
Guilt is a horrible thing...keeping it bottled up will only make it worse.
So, you need to talk to someone. Are you embarrassed to admit to your b/f that you're having panic attacks? Is that the problem? Or soomething altogether?

Aggression(any attempt to hurt another or insults, bouncing checks, being selfish, anything you feel bad about) cannot be controlled by willpower, it will come out at random times or you will "go postal" or other extremes. My "lizard" is responsible for hurting others. Believing the lie that I am responsible makes me label myself, justify and repeat behaviors. The tricks I use to control aggression is imagining aggression, looking at a picture of someone in pain, changing goal. Grace is changing goal. We usually change our goal. (Frustration-aggression hypothesis, part of the social learning theory of aggression). Guilt is the fear of punishment and causes repeating behavior is a theory that I also believe, especially when I see people can't coexist with feeling bad indefinitely and start to brag about hurting others.
The cost-benefit analysis allows you to really decide to do the right thing and makes it easy to say no. We have an imagined cost and an imagined benefit. We cannot choose something unless the benefit is greater than the cost. Ourselves and others can try to give us a picture of more benefit or less cost, that is all we can do.
Now if you have read this you are more responsible and more in control than ever in your life. Past behaviors are the governments fault for not educating you with this information. Of course not being responsible can free one to be evil, but they will be caught and put in prison.