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Anxiety caused by a shame trauma ?

I think what I originally have is called dissociative disosrder or even dissociative identity disorder (multiple personalities).

A couple of years ago I was in a bar in my home town. I was almost sober. A very drunk stranger came to me and started saying mean things to me. I was alone and got affraid. I'm a woman and the stranger was a man. All of a sudden I felt something inside me changed radically and I felt very angry, almost rage, towards the mean stranger. I also felt that I couldn't control myself at all. It was like some other "force" or personality inside me had entered my mind. I felt confused for a couple seconds and then noticed that I had started yelling and shouting at that man in a very hostile way. I had no control. Suddenly, after about 10-20 seconds, I noticed everyone in that bar staring at me. At that moment I started feeling very very confused again and felt that "the other personality" inside me had left and I was my old, shy, normal self again. I could still vaguely remember what had happened a couple of seconds ago, but I could not remember what I had shouted in that other state of mind. So I had partly lost my memory of what had happened during the 10-20 seconds "angry period".

People were still staring at me. I felt extremely confused. I just kept thinking "did something out of ordinary just happen??!!" I got so confused and embarrassed because everyone stared at me, so I went out of the bar and went home.

I still can't remember what exactly happened during those 10-20 seconds, and this causes me a lot of anxiety and distress. And I'm also very much traumatized by the shame and embarrassment. And that's not all. A couple of times after that incident someone I don't know has come to me in some other bars and said things like "hey I remember you, you're that girl from that bar..!!" and laughed in a very mean way.

Do I have any fellow-sufferers?
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replied October 2nd, 2010
Community Volunteer
Hi Karamellixxx,

Either stay out of the bars or take a responsible person whom you trust with you. Apparently, drinking is causing you to have black outs and that can be a dangerous thing.

Good Luck,

Faded Rose
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