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Another ''can't get over her past''

Right, first of i want you all to know, that I know this is pathetic and irrational and extremely unfair on her.
I have known this girl for about 6 yrs, she is the only girl i have ever loved. I have 2 issues i can;t deal with.
1. Her sexual past.
I do not know how many guys because she will never tell me, i have asked her many times as i think it might help, as i think the worst as if she has something to hide by not telling me. She says it is none of my business which i partly agree with. Though if we are going to be together forever, i think i have a right to know what she has done in the past, I want to trsut her and for her to know everything about me and to know everything about her. I was a virgin when i met her, and i feel as though she is special to me because i have only been with her, but i am not special to her because she has done it all before and probably enjoyed it more with other guys. I feel sick and repulsed when i think of another guy with his hands on her body, and his penis in her vagina, i just can't stand it.
2. She told me she loved the guy before me. I have only ever loved her, so i feel like i was 2nd choice for her as i am her 2nd love. Whereas that guy was her one true love and she just settled for me because he dumped her.

I want to try and talk to her about these issues but she just gets angry and argumentative. She never listens or tries to understand my pain and insecurities. She just thinks i am attacking her and making her out to be a slut, which i'm not. It is a very complex issue and i would love to never think about these things again and to just enjoy our time together.

I would appreciate people who respond as ''get over it'' ''she is with you now you have her'' to keep these opinions to yourself. I have read many forums and these answers are useless and do not help, even though they are right.

I mainly want her to talk to me about it. I am angry that she keeps the number of guys from me as i distrust her and do not like the fact that i know she can keep things from me when i tell her anything she asks. I want to forget about her past but i can't. I know this is retrospective jealousy and a disorder of the mind. I know this is all my own issue and not her problem at all. I just hate knowing that she is more special to me than i am to her. Because she has been there done that with different guys. She has even been in love before. I duno, I have split up with her a year ago because of these issues, but a yr has gone by and we are still close and good friends, and i still love her and she says she still loves me. We have not been with anyone else because we still have feelings for eachother. Sorry this is very long i will cut it short now. Thanks for reading.
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replied January 27th, 2013
Experienced User
If she has laid with many men she will do it again sooner or latter..If you can't handle it leave her and move on..if you are quite young, you will have little chance of finding a girl who hasn't ****** other men, unless you start dating a 10 year old..Women are proud of their new sexual freedom and liberation etc, that's fine, just don't expect the new boyfriends to love and cherish them,they will just want to **** them too, not wed you.FACT OF LIFE.
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replied January 27th, 2013
Extremely eHealthy
You have to do whatever it takes to deal with the world and its inhabitants as it is and not how you would like it to be.
Jealousy and obsession are corrosive to relationships and she is quite right; her past is none of your business unless she chooses to make it your business.

It is a simple choice of keep giving her the third degree with a high chance of getting dumped as a result or learning to keep your mouth closed. It isn't her fault you haven't any sexual history and you shouldn't be beating her up about hers.

She has indicated she doesn't want to talk about her past any more and it is extremely bad manners to continue asking her about it and being ill-mannered to your girlfriend isn't a good basis for a long or a happy relationship.

Being OCD, maladjusted, immature or whatever is driving you to be so ill-mannered towards her and preventing you from dealing with the world as it is does not excuse the simple facts of the matter - you are trespassing into areas where you have been told to stay away from and if you persist you will lose her.
It also shows you have a great deal of disrespect for her.

It is absolutely no use protesting about your impeccable manners or the amount of respect you have for her because there is clear evidence displayed to the contrary!

If you want to have a good and lasting relationship with your girlfriend you must show her good manners and proper respect and learn to keep your churning frustration inside without it showing. I suggest you set yourself an initial goal not to question her for a week and increase the duration of your silence on the matter by increments until you have developed it into an unbreakable habit - it should be possible as you previously successfully developed wanting to know everything into an obsessive habit...

Tell your girlfriend what you are doing and ask for her cooperation by thinking of a small reward for you everytime you achieve your goal.

I suggest you try hypnotherapy to help you ignore her past and concentrate instead on now and the future.
Other therapy such as EMDR might also be helpful.

If you do not conquer this obsession now it is likely to become progressively worse over time as successive partners likely having increasing sexual and romantic history.
The simple fact is knowing the history will not stop you obsessing and is likely only to further fuel your obsession until it becomes impossible for anyone to have a relationship with you.
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replied January 27th, 2013
Experienced User
Mate, her sexual past can never be changed,if You can't handle it now, you never will..it will always stop you from giving you all to her..A word of advise, never put people up on a high perch, they seldom belong there.... (me included!!) let this woman /girl go, it is not a good thing to hound her, it will not change anything.
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