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Anorexia nervosa is one of several eating disorders. But what is anorexia exactly and who does it affect? Get anorexia basics and facts in this short intro....
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What are the most common signs of anorexia? We list the physical and behavioral symptoms of anorexia here and outline when to seek help....
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I have had issues with eating my whole life. There is not a time where I didn't feel guilty about eating and ashamed about my body. But I formally developed what the doctors would classifiy as an eating disorder when I was 19. Now -- ten years later -- I have been through the gamut and I am still suffering. I had anorexia for a short time but then the depression and binge-eating kicked in. I started to gain weight slowly and the depressive aspect of my illness made it impossible for me to maintain my strict exercise regime. I had stuffed up my metabolism so much that any amount of food made me gain weight. Now I am classified as obese on the BMI scale, but I still have an anorexic/bulimic mind. I don't eat much -- mainly just drink coffee, and when I do purge it's not after bingeing -- just after eating something I classify as 'bad'.

Don't be fooled. Anorexia does not always lead to thinness. It is so hard being obese with an anorexic mind. I go to a GP and he will comment on my weight and ask how my diet is. I feel that people don't believe me when I tell them what I actually eat. How could someone who eats so little be so overweight? Finally I have found a doctor who acknowledges my suffering and validates my experience of this shocking and torturous illness.

For all of you out there who are like me -- obese with an anorexic mind -- please know that you do not deserve to suffer any more than someone who's illness is shown by the number on the scales. Eating disorders are not really about the body, they are about the mind, and suffering is suffering. Feel free to chat or ask questions.
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First Helper User Profile bellaflicka
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Users who thank bellaflicka for this post: fdhjd  Schatzi_Darling 

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replied May 20th, 2010
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Hi bellaflicka:...Great post....Kind of says it all...There are so many inner mechanics in the mind of a person with this affiction that I could go on for days...Once it makes its way into the central core of your brain, I doubt it ever really leaves...However, as I have learned this bad habit in life, I also have defeated it...What do you consider eating little in life?...Years ago I had the same mindset as you until I got down to counting the calories and using a calorie book with all the breakdown of food....These are necessary things in life...A biteful may not be a biteful...It may be 75 calories...This depending upon what you are eating....

I still find stress to be a killer...Getting down on myself is my Achilles Heel...It is then that the refrigerator and all its contents will call me...However, I am now stronger than my thoughts...I have battled and won...Not that I haven't thrown a sandwich with four slices of summer sausage and loaded with mayo and real butter down the drain after two bites...This is my way of living...But, darn girl I am going to win....Thanks again...Take care...

Caroline
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replied July 21st, 2010
Proxemia
Actually, bellafkicka is correct. I suffer from that too . I am currently eating 700 calories a day and over the last 2 years my weight has gone up .... never down . The only thing I have been able to do is to make the weight gain slower ... but I've gaines over a 100 pounds in two years .... and counting ,,, eating 700 calories a day . I used to excersise ... but my knees now hurt . Nobody seems to know what happens ... and people do not believe I do not eat secretly when alone . ... life just sucks
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Users who thank proxemia for this post: fdhjd  got2many 

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replied July 22nd, 2010
Hi Proxemia and co.
Thanks for your replies; it's great to hear from other people. I'm just coming to the end of an 8-week inpatient program at an eating disorders clinic. It's been amazing -- I've been treated like anyone else with an ED -- not differently because of my size. The treatment teams understands it's all about the thoughts. And guess what? I've been eating TWICE as much as normal and my weight is dropping. Bodies are very clever things; they will do anything to protect us. And though it seems illogical to us that an overweight body might want to hang onto the weight, it does! It hangs onto the weight to protect itself from going into famine; the metabolism slows and the body hangs onto everything it can get.

Proxemia -- you need to start eating more and eating properly. I have the same from others -- people think I binge when I don't. Forget about fitting the paradigm, think only about you and your health. It will take a few weeks for your body to trust that you are not going to starve it. But once it does, it will start responding to the intake appropriately. Your metabolism will increase and your body will approach a set point. Try it as an experiment for 8 weeks. You can always return to your ED but I assure you the freedom of normal eating is soooo much better.

I am not telling you this to lose weight, but to assure you that whether you are overweight or underweight an ED is an ED. You don't deserve to be punished or starving or on a diet -- no one does.

Happy to answer any questions if you have them.
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Users who thank bellaflicka for this post: Schatzi_Darling 

replied August 1st, 2010
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Hi bellaflicka!

It sounds like your in-patient program was successful, and I'm happy for it1 Smile

I totally understand what you mean. When I tried to lose weight by not eating, I gained it!!

It's really just about eating the right kind of foods, in the right amounts, and exercising often. You will get your ideal body for your height and build Smile
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replied March 30th, 2011
I don't doubt anyone else's stories, but I can tell you that as for me, I'm obese, morbidly obese, because I eat too much, of the wrong stuff, at the worst times. And if you eat healthy all day but eat a bag of chips before bed like I do, you'll never lose weight. The body is in starvation mode and sucks up every gram of fat. My solution is therapy and to rewire my mind. Force conscious thinking, clear choices. Make a plan. Stick to it. Put a sign on the fridge. Get the trigger foods out of the house. And every time I fall get back up. Keep getting up. But therapy to learn how to do all that has been the most important step.

Be well!
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replied June 2nd, 2011
wow its so great to hear from other people that are going through the same feelings as myself! I suffered anorexia about 8 years ago and have never been able to get back to the size i would like too. although i must say i am in a much better place now then i was back then and can have fun with my friensd eating out and enjoying a few drinks! but i fear that ny metabolism is stuffed?? Do you think it might have corrected itself by now? I still have issues with my body, and my weight has evened out althiugh im so scared that i have stuffed my metabolism up?? Congrats on the inpatient treatment bellaflicka- best of luck to you! xxxxxx
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replied December 8th, 2011
Im exactly the same. I often feel like i'm a thin person trapped in an obese body. I've been limiting my calories to less than 800 a day and drinking loads of water. Even though I've lost 10lbs in a week it still feels hopeless because there is so much more I need to lose. I've set myself the goal to lose 10st by next year, but even then I know that I'll still think i'm fat, despite being the right weight for my height. I feel like i'm alone as doctors won't help me, they just say "lose weight" and send me away, and I know by resorting to such extreme dieting is not the way to go, but I feel like I have no choice. Feel free to judge me, to be honest I judge myself.
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replied December 9th, 2011
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caramia wrote:
Im exactly the same. I often feel like i'm a thin person trapped in an obese body. I've been limiting my calories to less than 800 a day and drinking loads of water. Even though I've lost 10lbs in a week it still feels hopeless because there is so much more I need to lose. I've set myself the goal to lose 10st by next year, but even then I know that I'll still think i'm fat, despite being the right weight for my height. I feel like i'm alone as doctors won't help me, they just say "lose weight" and send me away, and I know by resorting to such extreme dieting is not the way to go, but I feel like I have no choice. Feel free to judge me, to be honest I judge myself.


Hi Caramia and welcome to ehealth: This forum is to encourage people to eat right and live and not to help them down the road to Anorexia...My advice to you would be please get some therapy....I send you my best wishes...Take care...

Caroline
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replied December 9th, 2011
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caramia wrote:
Im exactly the same. I often feel like i'm a thin person trapped in an obese body. I've been limiting my calories to less than 800 a day and drinking loads of water. Even though I've lost 10lbs in a week it still feels hopeless because there is so much more I need to lose. I've set myself the goal to lose 10st by next year, but even then I know that I'll still think i'm fat, despite being the right weight for my height. I feel like i'm alone as doctors won't help me, they just say "lose weight" and send me away, and I know by resorting to such extreme dieting is not the way to go, but I feel like I have no choice. Feel free to judge me, to be honest I judge myself.


Hi Caramia and welcome to ehealth: This forum is to encourage people to eat right and live and not to help them down the road to Anorexia...My advice to you would be please get some therapy....I send you my best wishes...Take care...

Caroline
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replied March 4th, 2012
Omg I'm not alone! I was strictly anorexic as a teenager, which lead to severe depression needing hospitalization and therefore being forced to eat so I became bulimic instead. Then the meds made me gain weight even though I was alternating perging with starving and then when I was 20 I decided to just give up and be a fat lump because nothing would stop it anyway so I may as well enjoy life. Problem is as soon as I ate normally, I started gaining weight like crazy. I've been on many 'normal' diets since but nothing works because as soon as I think about losing weight I slip into old habits and begin starving/perging again. It's this horrible viscous cycle and I hate it. No doctor understands they just think I must eat heaps. I don't eat heaps at all. I eat less than all my friends. Infact I stumbled among your blog trying to find thinspiration as I'm sick of this and think I need to starve again. Sad
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replied March 19th, 2012
Sorry if this gets to long but i need help so bad. I am going through the same thing almost obese with a anorexic mind. i am still in high school and i am missing out on everything. i can't believe i am living this. i was so skinny how could i get so big? i am a binge eater but instead of throwing up i over exercise. but i have stopped over exercising for about 6 months now and i have gained weight like crazy. i don't know what to do, i have been to conseling. i really want to go to impatient but i can't afford it. how to i get my motivation back to exercise without being obsessive about it? I wasn't happy skinny because i was so obsessed about exercise and what i ate and im definately not happy now, someone please help me!
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replied July 8th, 2014
In my teens and 20's I suffered from extreme anorexia before anyone talked about it. After having 2 children I weighed 97 pounds at 5'3". I went through lots of therapy and slowly became "normal" to 120 pounds. In my 30's I maintained a healthy weight and was happy thinking I was cured. In my 40's I began control eating during troubled relationships. Sometimes going for days not eating more than 300 calories per day. Then filtered in binging up to 2500 calories once a week. Then forcing myself to throw up in the dark. All alone. Now I am 112 pounds overweight on my 50th birthday. I am miserable and..... scared... I don't know how to turn things around. And I am alone. No one cares if I live or die or how anything happens. So why should I care? I had an Uncle that died at 672 pounds. They had to cut a hole in the side of the house to get him out of his death bed... Everyone felt sorry for him but did nothing. I don't want to leave this earth feeling like I'm a victim of something that it seems would be logically controllable... Just the thought of eating anything is scary to me. Am I alone? Am I insane?
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replied October 1st, 2014
Anorexia made me obese
I am so glad I found this forum. I am in my early 60's and went through menopause in 1999. I started my anorexia in high school in 1969 and it continued through my 20's. I was never a big eater and I was an active person, not owning a car until in my early 30's, so I walked and biked everywhere. I live in Montana, where our town is surrounded by hiking trails and where most people are college aged and active. It was not until I went through menopause and was given Prednisone at the same time that my weight exploded. I also, even when very young and thin, had sleep apnea and snoring that went undiagnosed until a few years ago. I am miserable at 50 pounds over weight, the highest I've ever been, and yet I don't eat very much. I started reading as the menopause tummy began growing about metabolic syndrome and insulin resistance, and had two doctors tell me I'd never have my flat stomach back again and just to get used to it. Well, I walk with a buddy five days a week, and I eat very little, yet, I can GAIN weight, even when I fast. I was raised on organic food, so I never was a junk food junkie. I'm careful about what I eat and I'm very informed about nutrition. This sense of being judged for being over weight (especially having a big belly) is excruciatingly painful. It is hard to know that one must eat more to lose fat, but with the "anorexic mind" it is hard to do that. My employer is a guy who is very thin and athletic, and he judges me negatively for being over weight. Thanks for creating this forum.
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