i think i may be suffering from depression
a few years back in 2007 i lost my mom and 3 sisters within a couple of months. After i found out that i was pregnant 3 days later my mom passed away. during my pregnancy i lost my other sisters left behind to take care of my baby brother, 3 nieces and a nephew and the pregnancy. my boyfriend was very supportive during that time. I think i i did not let myself grieve enough because i did not want to risk the possibility to loose my unborn baby and told myself not to put strain on my baby. At that time i was 21 years old. There are times that i blame my mom and sisters for leaving me with this huge responsibility of taking care such a huge family at such a young age. There are times when i just feel sad and starting to cry non stop. Sometimes i feel so angry i feel like everyone around me is doing me wrong. Sometimes i feel suicidal wanting to end my life but the thought of leaving my daughter behind feels unbearable. I am constantly tired, i wake up with headaches that don't want to go away. No apatite at times. But the worst of all is that whenever my boyfriend is around i always fight with him taking out all that anger on him.It has put a huge strain on our relationship and he can't take it anymore. I always blame him for every little thing that goes wrong. I have this low self esteem.Whenever someone says something to me it feels like they are attacking me and feel i have to defend myself out of anger. Is this a possibility of depression.
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First Helper hurttinlikeamuttha

replied February 7th, 2013
If you think you are suffering from depression it is highly recommended you seek professional help, be it a psychologist or a counsellor.
Also If you are religious speak to your designated religious ministers. They will be more than happy to help!

Above all however you need to communicate deeply to your boyfriend and let him know the pains you are going through, prompting your current behaviour. Be open, genuine and honest with him. He is your love and the father of your child. He will want to help you considering everything you two have been through.
He will want to help you for your daughter's sake.

You also need to realise this anger you feel and the convoluted perception you have of others doing you wrong is all in your sub-conscious mind. It is a consequence of all the emotional strain you've undergone.
If you be directly open and upfront with others you will realise that your perception is wrong.
You need to be mentally strong such that whenever these negative thoughts occur tell yourself it is only your sub-conscious mind deceiving you. The less you dwell on these negative thoughts and focus on them the less it affects you. In time they won't bother you.
Utilise positive thinking such as focusing on your daughter growing up, getting married and having a family of her own.
As a mother you will naturally put your family first. You showed this during your pregnancy. If you ever feel troubled focus on your daughter, brother, nephew and nieces. Spend your time being loving and nurturing towards them.
No matter what they do, whatever financial, emotional and physical strain they may put you through they are an eternal blessing because you all share a bond. An emotional bond and a physical one in blood.

If I may, I was taught that suffering is a pathway to salvation, as in suffering you can become close to god and let his love guide you back into the light.
We all go through difficult times but nothing is ever without goodness. In your case, you have the love of your boyfriend. He has been with you through thick and thin. Always hold onto this.

Good luck friend and many blessings to you and your daughter! I hope I have been helpful
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replied February 7th, 2013
Now I'm just a psych Major, and in no way qualified yet to answer that question. I can however present you some facts and let you decide what the next step might be. Depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain often caused by low levels of serotonin and norepinephrine, often believed to be associated with a psychologically traumatic even or experience. Basically the neurotransmitters just wont bind with the post synaptic membranes in your nerve cells in your brain, so to start off you should understand that if you are depressed, its your brains fault and not your's. Secondly, the first decision you need to make is if you want to see a doctor or not. Many people go through life depressed and never tell a soul, often living their version of a normal life. On a personal note, and not that I advocate taking advice from strangers on the internet, I understand what you are going through. My girlfriend is clinically depressed, and even tried to commit suicide twice. Before I knew her condition, she would take a lot of her troubles out on me as well. But, once I figured out what was going on however, we were able to talk and she sought help. Now she life is so much better for her because she no longer has anything to hide or feel ashamed about. I recommend you talk to your boyfriend as well and decide together if and where to seek some further understanding. Depressant meds are called SSRI's which stands for Selective Serotonin Uptake Inhibitors. Basically all they do is make sure that those neurotransmitters have more time to bond, causing you to go on living life, and not worrying about the weight of the world on your shoulders.

Hope this helped
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