im so confused i want a baby so bad i know its a big responsibialy but i have the money to suport my child. i know what i want for my child. i know what my child needs to have a good and happy life. i know im really young but i dont think i can wait till 18 for a child all i can think about is a child and me. my parents would freak out and be disapointed in me but she would be suporive and help me. im not sure about my dad i think he wouldnt want anything to do with me. hell love me and want me to be with him but would be so dissapionted in me he would be able to look at me. my anut is a huge christan shes also my life i love her dearly she would banish me from her family im so scard i want to have a baby and i know and have everything i need to suport my child. i just couldnt be able to face my family.
i need help! please help me! Question
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replied February 22nd, 2009
You do not know anything about a baby
I was 28 when I had a baby and love him to distraction but believe me no matter what you read in books the reality is different.

Your parents may have the money but do you? Are you willing to have a maximum of 4 hours a sleep in 24 hours, lose your social life, leave your school, be responsible for a life of another human? No matter how mature you are, I doubt it.

A child is a life altering experience. You lose your friends, talk only about your child, forget romance with your husband and for the rest of the next ten years or so you will have no stamina.

If you think at 13 you are ready to take care of a child, ask your mum and tell her your thoughts. Then if there is a friend or aunt etc. who has a baby, [less than 3 mths] see if they are willing to give the babies care into your hands for a day. Take care of the child alone, no help from anyone for a couple of days and try a night. Stay over at someones who has a baby and keep their schedule.

Having a baby with family support does not mean anything. In the end the child is yours and you are responsible, if you cannot take care of the child w/o anyone's help then you are not ready for a baby.
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Users who thank sarasentor for this post: CAgirl  CAgirl 

replied February 22nd, 2009
i am ready
i have the money not my parents... i already get 4 hours of sleep anyway im usally up all night im preparded for everything. yes ill lose contact with my friends but im prepard for that. theres no one i know who has a baby. i think im ready for a cild. im willing to sacerfice anything to make a child happy and for it to have a good life. im single so im not really looking for romance. i dont know how im going to get a baby. all i know is that i want one really bad. im prepard for whatever life throughs at me!
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replied February 22nd, 2009
I sympathize :)
I understand how you feel somewhat; I would love to have a child myself. I'm a little bit older than you but it sounds like you're pretty mature and would love to be a good mother.

But, before you take any steps toward that, I would definitely recommend trying to babysit for awhile. All first-time mothers feel inexperienced and want all the help they can get, so any prior experience with children will help you be the best mother you can be.

Also ... I don't know you or your family members. But it sounds like you have a somewhat good support system. If you trust your family members and talk to them about your decision, you should trust the feedback they give you. I have had several occasions where I thought I was right, even when my family disagreed with me, and it always turned out that they were right (at least when it came to life-changing decisions like that).

I went through the same thing when I wanted a puppy really badly. I was sure I could take care of it, financially and emotionally and all of that. But I talked to my family and they made me SO angry because they all suggested I wait a few years. But I've realized they were right after all. It wouldn't be fair for that puppy to raise a puppy right now because I'm in school a lot and other things like that, so unfortunately I have to wait.

But look on the bright side, you have a LONG time to raise a child. Life lies before you and there's no hurry - even though it seems like it will take forever for some of the exciting phases of life to take place. You sound like you will be an excellent mother someday - just don't jump the gun. Smile
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replied February 22nd, 2009
CAgirl
i'm going through the same thing as you right now. except i'm 16 almost 17.

if you want to talk about it with me you can PM me.

alls your really going to get on here is negativity =/
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replied February 23rd, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
dorkiie she wont and is not getting negativity. these people are trying to help her not be negative. you think everything is negative. these people have not been negative.


CAgirl, your so young. you have your whole life to plan for a pregnancy. your not done school yet, what job are you going to get?
did you know that the average cost for supporting a child is abour $40,000and that price just keeps going up. and what about living expense, health care, insurance, rent, food for you and your child, etc. etc. etc.

i have a 5 month old, and im 19 and i sometimes feel like im not doing a good job, i knew at the time that it was going to be a huge change and struggle, my boyfriend had to switch jobs to get more hours so we could get more money to raise our child. so i find it a little hard to believe that a 13 yr old can do this..
i think its natural for all girls to feel this way at some point in their life, but to know that not having a baby right now will not be the end of the world.
i remember my friends asking me, 'are you ready for this?' and i would say as ready as im going to be.
but after having my son i realized as prepared as you think you are, there will always be a twist to things and you'll bever be fully prepared. my son was colic for the first few months. that means absolutely no sleep, and constantly crying. i had a hard time trying to breast feed him, which was even more frustrating, i had a very hard and painful time healing from birth, i could barely walk, my boyfriend would get up to leave for work at 3 in the morning after hearing our son cry all night, so still no sleep.
yeah things got better but guess what, hes turning 6 months this week that means teeth could be coming in soon and that means more crying, he still goes to bed around 3 sometimes 4 in the morning.
im stuck at home all day pretty much, go out once on week-ends at most, and it drives me crazy, i dont believe anyone who says they can accept the fact that they wont get to go out and do the things they want to do because eventually you will get cabin fever, and feel trapped indoors.

you will be missing out on so many fun things in your life, are you even in high school? what kind of future can you give to a child without a school education?
your willing to throw your family away for a baby right now at 13? and thinking you cant wait till your 18 to have one? not all families are supportive when they find out their child is pregnant, some end up being abandoned, and sometimes the guy who gets the girl pregnant leaves too and denies that the child is even theirs.
this is what you need to do, and its not negativity.
stay in school, work hard towards your education, because the higher education you get the more successful you will be.
experience college life, get a good paying job, open a savings account and put money in there towards having a child, get a place to live on your own, pay for rent, insurance, health coverage, get a car, food, entertainment, electircity bills, water, etc. etc. etc. meet a guy, get to know him maybe start dating, talk to him about your want and desire and if you both feel the same way and after you both can do all these things together for atleast a few years then start planning to have a child.
because i really dont believe that a 13 year old child can raise a child herself.

doing this all on your own would be making the child you want so badly suffer from getting half of what he or she deserves.
my boyfriend and i struggle through these things each day and we're older than you.

you should talk about this to your mother and aunt and see how they feel about this because you seem to have a good relationship with your family, you really want to throw that away? maybe you should talk to a counsellor about this too.
you have your whole life to plan for this, dont rush things. you will enjoy the whole pregnancy experience when your older and have all those things above done so its not a constant worry.
i would have loved to wait till at least 25 to have a child and i did not plan on getting pregnant at 19 and i love my son dearly, but i would have rather waited till i was older to get pregnant..

if you ever need to talk you can PM me, what i have said is in no way negative, its just some helpful suggestions.
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replied February 23rd, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
ooooo man...13 is WAY TOO YOUNG...at 13 you cannot possibly understand the sacrafices it will take to become a mother, no one..NO ONE..is mature enough to have a child at 13..also, its very unhealthy..you are way too young to be conceiving, your body is NOT ready for that even if you think you are, you haven't even gone completely through puberty yet! you're body is still growing!...please wait, dont do anything you're going to regret..this is an 18 year comittment, you have the rest of your life to fall in love and have a child with someone you care about...your still in school, what will you do drop out? please..dont do this...be smart
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replied February 23rd, 2009
Please listen!!!!!!!
I had my first child at 15yrs old. I am now 26. I have to tell you that when I was 15 I thought I could handle it. And yes I have. I love my child. But you just never know what your going to get. My child is Autistic. She is like having 10 kids at once. My body was not ready for a baby and her birth was very difficult. When you have a baby that young your hips haven't spread yet and quite often the baby gets stuck. If my daughter was born 1 minute later she would have surly had cerebral palsy. She did have a meconium aspiration and nearly died. Please consider the risks for your baby because they are high!!!!! Do you still want a baby if it is disabled?
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replied February 23rd, 2009
thank you guys
thank you guys so much i have decied not to have a child qute yet yes id love to have one but im going to wait untill the risk of having a child is not so high! all of you have been a great help! =D
i think ill wait till im around 18
thanks
god bless you guys
you saved me! =D
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replied February 24th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
waiting till your 18 is still kind of young hun..
you would just be out of high school, what about college?
whats the rush?
i got pregnant at 18 unplanned. i was in no way planning for a baby but accidents happen sometimes. i dont regret having my son, but i would not plan to.
i think whats best would be to get high source of education, start a babysitting business from home maybe too, hand out flyers in grocery stores to parents you see with kids and put some up on the bulletin boards too. you'll be around kids but be able to give them back once the day is done.
live on your own, make sure your financially stable and have A LOT! of savings put aside, make sure you have health insurance, can pay for rent, living expences, car insurance, etc.
but dont rush. theres no need to rush.

im 19 and my son is going to be 6 months very soon, i remember first bringing him home..he cried for hours and hours and hours, and nothing would help stop him, he goes to bed now at almost 3am, i dont have much of a social life anymore, some of my friends dont talk to me, so it just shows how good of friends they were in the beginning..my boyfriend and i rarely see each other that much becase he works a 3am-3pm job and rarely finishes early, so that means we dont have much alone time..and when we are together we're with the baby, you cant get all mushy and whatnot then lol.
we're struggling with paying bills, making sure we have enough savings for our son and all...this would have been so much easier if all these things were organized before hand.

i wish you the best of luck, and just know you can talk to me anytime, and just know that there is such a great outcome of waiting for this. you wont just be doing youself a big favour, you'll be doing your future child an even bigger favour.
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replied February 28th, 2009
you have been alot of help i have desided not to have kids untill around 20 or so yes i am prepard for everything right now but just yesterday i got a bf and so i just want to live life as it comes... one day ill want kids just not right now! thank you everyone you have been a bunch of help!
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replied March 2nd, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
thats great that you have come to realize that there is more to life than a baby.
have fun in this relationship, be safe and enjoy your youth.
because once its gone you cant get it back.
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replied March 5th, 2009
good for you!
you are a very smart girl! I am so glad that you are taking this advice to heart, it really means that you care about what happens to your baby. You will be a great mom someday! I want you to know that what you are feeling at your age is very normal, many girls feel the desire to have a baby really young, it's just something that you go through. Someday when you can give your baby the world, you will be very glad you waited!
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replied March 15th, 2009
thanks you!
thanks you guys!!!! i have a new promblem the main reason i desided not to have a child id because of my depresson! thats my new problem i want it gone! cheek out depression at 13. for more detail!
please help!
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replied March 15th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
CAgirl, if your feeling depressed you should talk to someone about it. talk to your mom, your school counsellor, anyone you trust.
It does not mean that you have to get on medication to cure your depression, [i suffer from depression its hereditary in my family, i went on medication and felt like it made it worse, but others thought i seemed better..] you could find a therapist and open up and talk about the things that might be making you depressed, or they could find the route of why you are depressed.
What i found that helped me, was i started doing things that make me feel happy, i take time for myself and talk to those i trust about things that are bothering me and could be bringing me down.

It wont go away over night, but with time i can and will get better, but talking is the key here.
if you are not sure how to tell your mom about your depression, talk to your counsellor about how you are feeling and maybe he or she could help you talk to your mom about this and take the right steps in order to get you some help.

if you ever need to talk you can pm me anytime.
good luck hun.
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replied March 26th, 2009
No.
No. You don't want a baby, what you want is your boyfriend to stay with you BECAUSE of the baby and girls like you think that that baby will love and support YOU emotionally, not the case right off the bat. I got pregnant at 17 years old and was engaged and wouldnt ever change my life. My fiance and I got married and its going on a year since we've been married and our daughter will be 1 in May. You are still a CHILD. Please get through highschool at the very LEAST.

Maybe you should look into counseling... wanting a baby that badly at 13 years old is not okay.
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replied March 2nd, 2010
pregnancy
I am desperate for a baby and i know i am young but i think i can manage and even if i dont manage my family will be there to support me all the way im a bit worried to tell my mum what i think as i dont know what the reaction will be
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replied March 2nd, 2010
Active User, very eHealthy
If you think this is such a good idea, you should not feel worried or scared to share this with your parents.

The thing is, there is a difference between wanting a child, and acting on this want.
Do you have the financial stability to care for a child?
Do you live at home, or can you afford your own place?
Are you finished school, how would you attend school when a baby is present?
Do you pay for your own health care or is that taken care of through your parents?

A baby is a huge responsibility. And even adults, older than you and I both, think they can manage and are prepared for a child, and are shocked to realize that NO, they were not as prepared as they thought they were.

There is a difference from your supporting you, and your parents "supporting" you. Like financially caring for your child, raising that child for you because by the sounds of things AliceWallace, You must be quite young, and the chances of you knowing exactally what to do with a child are slim.
And that is not a bad thing.

The fact that you say you are desperate for a baby, shows that there is an underlying issue here for this want you have for a baby at a young age.
And you should look into this and find ways to sort it out, other than getting pregnant and putting an end towards your youth.

When a child is born, your freedom is gone. And you can never get it back. You have to grow up quickly, and act responsibly. Its not cute to act out or not listen to your parents or go out and party or hang out with a small group of friends all night or sleep all day.

Hold on to your youth and your freedom for as long as you can right now.

My best advice for you, is to talk to your mother about why you are feeling the need for a baby so young.
And WAIT to have a child.
You will not only be benefiting yourself by waiting, but you will be doing what is best for the future child that you do end up having when you are much older.

Trust me. It is not fun to run around with your head cut off worrying about how you afford life-savings for your child, trying to get into college, having a dead-end job, and more all while you are young.
It is so much more worth it to wait until you have EVERYTHING organized out as best as you can rather than doing things as you go. You will appreciate and enjoy parenthood more if you wait until you are stable Financially, Physically, Mentally and Emotionally.
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