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I 18, Australian, Graduated High School and have been with my fiance for 4 years. there is nothing more i want in life than to be a mother. I tried University and found it just wasnt for me. I need some advice, i think im ready to have a child, are there other parents out there around my age who have advice or experience? Or anyone who can tell me whether or not this is a good idea?
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replied June 5th, 2009
Especially eHealthy
Only you can decide if this is a good idea for you. It won't be as easy to quit being a parent if you find it isn't for you - it won't be like stopping university. While you wouldn't do that, I know, being a parent is more stressful than taking classes. Be secure financially. Be secure emotionally. Babies create havoc on relationships (even GREAT relationships!) and take a lot of energy.

Think about the reasons you want a child.
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replied June 7th, 2009
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I didnt think college was for me either. I struggled and i dropped out. only to realize that its necessary in the long run, at least for me. I decided I wanted to be a mother instead. Im 19, I have a little boy. He is my life. But its hard because if you make that decision to go back to school or get a career its hard with a baby. Make sure you haver financial and emotional stability. your own place, car, decent job, and enough to support a child. Its not always fun to have a child, its hard work and it takes a toll on your life. You wont be able to have alone time with your fiance anymore, its hard to get a date night if you cant pay a babysitter. Everything you do has to be for the life that is dependent on you. It means giving up what your used to for the unknown and dealing with the consequences. Im in your situation, i had my son at 18, i got pregnant less than 3 months after my 18th birthday, and ill tell you, its a constant struggle, but i love my son more than anything in this world. If you are willing to take on the responsibility, just get your ducks in a row first. I didnt and I am full of whatifs that weigh on my mind constantly.
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replied June 8th, 2009
im 18 and really want a baby! been with my fiance for five years and had a misscarriage two years ago my (his made up name)because i really want a child. we're trying to concieve again not proving so easy this time. last time wasnt planned and now that we're planning it its seems harder to concieve!!
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replied June 8th, 2009
thanks heaps for all of your advice.
i think ive decided to wait just a little bit longer.
and not plan it.. cos it makes it all so much harder.
at least then when the right time comes, it will be a wonderfull suprise!

thanks everyone

xoxo
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replied June 8th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
having a child is hard work.
wanting and actually going through with one is very different as well.
and baby sitting children and having your own is 10x different.
it is extremely expencive to raise a child without having a high school diploma; not having a high school diploma makes it harder to find a good job, or any job for that matter, and a part time job will not cut it to raise a child either.
i had my son at 19 and got pregnant at 18, i was not planning on getting pregnant, i wanted to do what i want when i want and have fun with my friends.
obviously that did not happen, and i had a baby instead. i had money in my savings, and what me and my boyfriend thought were enough definately was not. we have almost spent all our savings on our child, my boyfriend had to get another job to make more money, and now works a 3AM to 3PM or later job.
I thought i was ready for what was coming my way, but what i thought i was ready for, i was in no way shape or form ready at all. My son was colic-cried all the time, he would sleep 1-2 hours at a time and be up for 3 hours. I was living on almost no sleep for a week or longer, i had a horrible birth experience.
it is a struggle every day to raise your own child, you now dont just have yourself to worry about, you have an infants life to worry about too because that life is so dependant on you.
The necessities to raise a child are not cheap either.
formula is about $30
diapers, $30
baby food jars, $.98 so if you buy five jars a week thats about $5.00
bottles, $10-$12
crib $100-$250+
stroller $150 give or take
car seat $150 or so
high chair $150
clothes, well say about $50 they grow every month and go through clothes faster than you can blink,
toys, $150 the price varies on which toys you buy, anything from baby exersaucers, bouncers etc could be about $99+ and then other toys are about...$10+ give or take,
then theres the hospital cost if you live in the states, im pretty sure you have to pay for the delivery of your child, the maternity ward/room, medical treatments, health insurance for yourself and the child, doctors appts. etc.
then dont forget about you, if you are going to breast feed you need to make sure you keep yourself healthy, because if you dont eat, the baby gets no nutrients either, and then theres the other things like mortage/rent, car insurance, heat, electrical, etc etc etc.
are you going to live at home with your parents or get your own place, how do your boyfriends REALLY feel about this, are they willing to have to sacrifice some of their happiness for this child, or are they just in agreeance with you to make you happy?
how do your families feel about this?
if you both feel so ready to become parents, and think that this is really what you both want, why not talk about this with your parents?
can you afford this, the average cost to raise a child is about $40,000 and that price goes up as that child gets older.
it takes alot of hard work, perseverance, patience, team effort to raise a child, and with all that comes, fatigue, stress, sometimes depression, exaustion, frustration.
again, it is one thing to say 'i want a baby' or 'i am ready to have a baby' and another to have and raise a child. they need more than just love, bonding and someone caring for them. it is a big thing.
i think you two should think about this, talk this over with your boyfriends and tell your parents if you feel so ready to hear what they think about this too.

but dont jump in to this so quickly, because even though a child is a precious thing, they take away your freedom and ability to come and go as you please.
your both so young, enjoy your freedom, and bonding times with your significant others.
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replied June 9th, 2009
my partner was actually the one who initiated the conversation about trying for a child. we both feel deeply emotional about loosing our other child and since there has been a huge hole in my life an emptyness which needs to be filled. i still miss our other child and having reached my second trimester in the other pregnancy i was emotionaly attached to my baby i know what it is to have sleepless nights and you probably think im all up for the cute clothes and baby gurgles but i want a child to raise as my own tough days and all. i lived with my friend when her child was two months old. i've experianced the sleepless nights ans screeming baby at 3am and i actually didn't mind it! i would often tell my friend to go back to bed and deal with it for her she got much needed rest as she was recovering from the tamatic birth she experianced.
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replied June 9th, 2009
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have you talked about this to your parents?
where do you live, at home with you parents?
or with your boyfriend?
again, being emotionally ready to have a child to raise as your own, love, care and bond with is one thing, but can you two afford the cost of a child?
it is extremely expensive.
i am sorry for the first loss of your child, but they say that when miscarriages like that happen, it was for the best, and there could have been something that was possible wrong with your child or he or she was not getting enough of something, i am sure it is still heart wrenching for you both and i am sorry you had to go through something like that.
but with that said, i think you should wait.
you two are not married yet, and no i do not think that you have to be married to have a child, but all that 'newlywed' lovey dovey stuff will never happen if you rush a baby into the picture.
my boyfriend and i rarely see each other because he is working 3in the morning till 3 in the afternoon or usually later, i am either, cleaning something, putting something away, changing a diaper, feeding someone, giving someone a bath, putting someone to bed, and then the day is over. really no time in there to see or bond with the man i love deeply.
it is a challenge and a strain on a relationship when a child is in the picture. and you two are still so young, and even if you dont have a lot of friends or go to clubs and what not, i am sure you two do regular couple stuff, example: go to a movie, out to dinner, to a good friends house, watch movies at home etc. etc.
you two are engaged, why not get married, enjoy the romantic newlywed bond, get to do a few things that you two will most likely not be able to do for a while, settle down, make sure things are prepared and set, make sure you have a hell of alot of money set aside, and make sure you can juggle the cost of a child, living expences-rent/mortgage, bills, both of your health and needs-food, some sort of entertainment etc, and then see if you can juggle the cost of a baby and all that.
i wish i had things in order before i had my child.
everyday is a struggle, and i wish it wasn't like this. my son never goes without, but still, i cant help but wish that i had things all in order.
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replied June 23rd, 2009
so now i dont know! 7 days later and 2 negative tests nd i came on much to my dissapointment. but not why im posting i feel really upset at teh fact that i seem to be having difficulity conceiving although last time seemed so easy. but teh most annoying thing is that my parter just met up with his good friend whose fiancee just accidently fell pregnant while drunk. i actually feel annoyed and i dont know why???
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replied June 24th, 2009
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dannii, i understand how annoyed you feel. when you want a baby so bad, then someone gets pregnant, and they werent even trying, nor do they want it as bad as you do! It is so annoyingggg
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replied June 24th, 2009
yer nd the worst bit is that she knows we're desperate and she sits there talkig about abortion to me! i know its her choice but she couldnt have chosena worse time to talk to me about it. i dont agree with abortion but i have been there through it with one of my other girl friends. i totally understand its her choice but she coudl havenotmmentioned that part to me while im feeling so low about not being pregnant. im only know this girl thorugh my fiancee so its not lk we're best buddies.
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replied June 24th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
danni, maybe the reason why you are not getting pregnant is because it could be a sign that you are not ready and this could ruin your life.
you are so young.
you have no idea how hard this is going to be.
live your life, get married, enjoy being a newly married couple, do fun things, get a good job, save up, experience life and get things in order before having a child.
maybe you should ask your friend why they have decided abortion. it might be because they know they cannot afford a child now, cannot raise a child now, are not ready, want to have fun for a while before having a child...
living with someone who has a child and having your own is completely different.
you should not rush this. wait be patient live life, and get things in order.
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replied June 25th, 2009
~(this is to danni) hii!! well im 18 and found out last week im 5 weeks pregnant!!! big shock obviously.....abortion was an option at first and i feel guilty for even thinkinh it now....gunna have this baby! =) but yea anyway you should check your FERTILE days if you want a baby that bad! 2 weeks after you period when you ovulate (you release an egg) u n ur bf should try to have sex between 9-16 after you period!!! i conceived on the day i ovulated and i didnt even know till after when i checked for my due date! its madd but true...think about it! =)-
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replied June 25th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
i am really floored with the amount of teen girls on here influencing these girls to have babies.
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replied June 25th, 2009
we been charting for a couple of months thanx for the tip!! still no luck praying for this month wana be a mammy so bad!!
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replied June 26th, 2009
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ProudMommyof2008 wrote:
i am really floored with the amount of teen girls on here influencing these girls to have babies.
Same here. I don't condone it, but it is not my choice to make. I just don't understand why there is such a rush to grow up. Enjoy your "party years" while you have them.
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replied June 26th, 2009
Active User, very eHealthy
i agree with you motherofhighspiretedones.
it just seems like they get this want or need in their heads, but do not think the whole picture through.
it doesnt matter who they effect in the making of their need, it doesnt matter if they cant afford it, burden their families, lose their boyfriends, go on welfare, etc.
it just their selfish want and need to have 'something to love unconditionally' and that is not fair to a child.
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replied June 27th, 2009
you obvisously dont understand everyones personal situations and theres no way you could but not all people want babies to have unconditionl love!!
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replied June 27th, 2009
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I don't understand everyone's situations, however I HAVE BEEN THERE. I KNOW how hard it is, FIRSTHAND. I have seen some of my friends from high school, who like me, also were pregnant, succeed. Just like I did. But I have seen far more struggle. I am not here to say sure, go ahead. And no matter what you say, I will never give the okay for a young girl, with a bright future ahead and PLENTY OF TIME to have a baby when ALL CIRCUMSTANCES are great for rearing a child, to get pregnant.
I do not think it is a good idea to tell a young girl that. I support those already in the situation, I do not support those WANTING that situation.
If it is not that you want someone to love unconditionally, or someone to love YOU unconditionally, if it is not because you want your boyfriend to stay with you...then WHY do you want to become another "statistic" on PURPOSE? Why would you want to risk it all so early? Why would you want to have the rough times (or even more rough times, if you have already had a hard life)before you can REALLY and TRULY deal with ANYTHING life throws at you? Could you honestly handle a child right now? Have you actually thought over EVERY scenario that could go wrong?
Babies can DIE suddenly, for no reason...could you handle having a child only for it to pass away?
Babies to teens are often born prematurely.
Could you handle a micropreemie with severe health conditions?
Babies do NOT guarantee your boy will stick around...could you do it on your own?
Support is NOT guaranteed, nor should it be expected...can you handle having a child with no one to help you look after it? No one to give you a break for "you time"?
Money can be blown. Do you have enough for health insurance, diapers, formula, car repairs (hey you need a vehicle to get back and forth to the doctor), car insurance, or money for a bus, or money to pay your parents/friends gas? Do you have enough money for an emergency, in case something should go wrong, such as a house fire, where you lose EVERYTHING? Enough money for the bills? Enough for an apartment in case your parents decide its too hard and they cannot afford another mouth to feed? Enough for your own food? Enough for daycare, college, school? What about for you? Enough money left over after buying all the things a baby needs, like formula (in some cases), diapers, bottles, binkies, breast pump, carseat, clothing, blankets, baby toys, crib, dressers, baby soap, baby laundry detergent, wipes, etc, do you have enough money after buying ALL OF THAT to buy things YOU need, such as your own food, birth control, medicines, hygiene products?
What if you end up with a special needs or challenging child? Cerebral Palsy? ADHD? Down's syndrome? Bipolar disorder? My oldest son is a challenging child, he has ADHD...could you handle your child getting outside at 3 in the morning at 4 years of age because he is smart enough to know how to pull a chair up to the door, unlock it, disable the door alarm and go? My son has done that. Could you handle your child getting into EVERYTHING like my son did? Including knives, no MATTER where you put them, no matter if you locked them up?
What about if CPS gets called on you for your child getting out at 3 AM? Could you handle being called a horrible and inattentive mother, even though it is untrue...after all, the alarm was disabled, your son was smart enough to outsmart you, plus it was 3 AM, a time EVERYONE is supposed to be sleeping. Which you were doing. Could you handle the investigation, and if you were cleared (this did happen to me as well, CPS did clear me because they saw that my son was indeed seeing a doctor and therapist for ADHD, was in the process of being considered for drug therapy and I had done my best to know where he was at all times, including alarms)could you handle the neighbors STILL talking bad about you? Could you handle being so afraid your child might get outside again in the wee hours, that you don't sleep AT all?
What about if your baby is colicky? Has to have special medical needs met such as a tracheal tube or a colonostomy? Or CPAP for sleep apnea?
Tell me WHY you want to worry about all this now? When you still need to be worrying about finishing school and establishing a STEADY job, finding that one person you REALLY want to be with the rest of your life, furthering your education, if wanted, why NOW?
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