Medical Questions > Mental Health > Depression Forum

Am I seeing reality for the first time?

Hi everyone, I'm 17. I just took some college placement tests(I'm doing part time college at high school) and I placed high, but I didn't place into what my parents, or what I wanted to place into. I just took the SAT's, and only just got above average. All of these things including my A- grade that I received, just put me over the top. To me, an A- might as well be as low a C. A low SAT score might as well mean that I'm stupid, and not placing into a certain class, means I am behind.

I don't go to some fancy big town school. Our school has 500 students, with only 3 AP classes. I have always been told you are "Special, Unique, Smart" blah blah. For the past few years, I have believed off and on that God exists. I was raised a Christian, but basically I came to my senses, and now I'm an agnostic. So basically, I'm pretty depressed. While people may say, "oh you just feeling bad because of A,B, and C" I don't think that is it. These things that happened today really nailed into my head that

1) I'm not special, unique, or smart. No one is!
2) I'm not going beyond any expectations in "succeeding"
3) There is really no purpose to life, except being happy.

The problem is, society has constrained "happiness". Society says that in order to be happy I must,

1) Have a good education, and be smarter then everyone else
2) Become rich
3) Pass all my tests
4) Play "popular" sports
5) Be active in all sorts of crap at the High School


and the list just keeps going. The problem is, you can't truly be happy if you don't do some of these things. Otherwise, you'd be living on the street. I know I will basically just keep living regardless of the "education" failure that I am. But am I really depressed? Or is this really wakening up from societies illusion of "You are unique, until you get to the real world". Everywhere I look there are people who are better than me, worse then me, and about the same as me. I can't help but think, what is the point of everything?

EDIT: Sometimes I wish I wasn't so well off. An A-, shouldn't be making me pissed off, an okay SAT score shouldn't be a "you're a failure". I'm just so tired and sick of being okay at everything. I do so many different things, I'm always "Good enough", but that doesn't cut it. I just want to be exceptional at just ONE THING in life. I have one life, we all have one life. We all want this, yet it is sociability not possible.

Thanks for listening.
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replied June 11th, 2011
dont believe you are not unique and the reality you are dicovering is this rat race dog eat dog society we live in that thinks we are better than everyone else and to be happy you have to pick one thing or a few things you love and do that no matter what anybody tells you you have a good head on your shouldes I wish i thought like you ay your age you seem like a hard worker that within itself will take you far just keep at it stay away from drugs I know you probably here that all the time but is more important than you think and some questions you have will be answered with time
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