Well, i am 14 years old and i hear that a lot of girls my age get this way, but i was wondering if i really am depressed. Okay this is what is going on with me. My friends from middle school seemed to me that they didn't care about what was going on with me and i always felt as if they all have a best friend, but i don't. Sure my older sister and i are close, but that doesn't count as a "BFF". Anyway, i am fine with my friends not paying attention, but it is also my family (NOT my sister/parents. They always like to judge me especially since i am a very quiet person and i am extremely shy as well.

But, still i can't help the feeling of becoming guilty. I know why i hate myself it is because i hate the way i am. I wish i was more confident, but at the same i like myself, but lately i have been thinking of suicide and cutting, but that is because i feel as if i am alone and none of my friends really understand that. Well i have one friend let's call her Abby and she is depressed, but i feel as if she is more depressed, because she has been through more than me, but you see she is a lot different from me, she has a best friend, her outside family actually TALK to her without making comments and she also seems to have this thing about her that makes every one want to be around her. I am not jealous of her i actually really don't care, but i am just pointing out the things that she has and i don't. I don't like thinking that my world is a half glass full. I want it to be whole, but i can't seem to stop these feelings.

I do go to a therapist and it kind of helps and it kind of doesn't. Anyway, what i am feeling sort of feels a bit physical, like my chest hurts really badly when i am feeling "depressed". I don't know what that is, maybe fatigue? I don't know. But i know that i am not the only one going through depression at all. I know many people who have been through it, but they always say that they gotten over it and they always seem to not be lying, but i think maybe that isn't true. But they always tell me what they are feeling and i always feel as though i should console them and make them feel better, but i never had told them about my feelings. Even to this day. So i always keep all my feeling bottled up inside. I do know that that isn't good, but i just hate being a bother to other people. That might be the reason why i am so quiet, but maybe not.

i will tell you how i feel:

I feels sad all the time.
I am always feel irritated with my parents.
I am not sleeping well at all and i am always tired.
I hate myself and i always feel guilty.
My grades are good, but they seem to be dropping in the last year. ( i am in high school now)
I always have thoughts of suicide, death and cutting.

To tell you the truth the reason why am asking you the "am i depressed" question is because i really don't know what the symptoms are for depression. I basically told you what i am feeling.
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replied June 29th, 2009
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Hi Susan, You do have symptoms of depression. Feeling tired, feeling guilty, and all the other feelings that come along that keep you from enjoying life. Since you are seeing a therapist it's very important that you open up to your therapist and let them know exactly how you are feeling. Sometimes we go through years of therapy and never really let them know how we are feeling. Many times we let other people's problems get the best of us. Don't compare yourself or your life to others. Some have it worse and some have it better. Worry about what you need to make your depression go away. Cutting and suicide is not the answer. I've been in your shoes since I was 16 and at 44 I'm just now learning how to deal with this. That is why I'm telling you to open up to your therapist. If your therapist isn't responding to you the way you want him/her to or you feel uncomfortable with him/her you can always seek help from a different therapist. There are plenty of good ones out there. I've also been through some that aren't so great. The right one will be able to help you. They may suggest for you to seek medication from a psychiatrist for relief from the depression. It's best to try to talk it out first. If your family is causing some of your problems, bring them into some of your therapy sessions and don't be afraid to open up and speak your mind during the session. Your parents love you and only want the best. Some parents like to pick or joke with their children and they don't realize the pain they are causing. I hope things get better for you sweetie. You can send me a message anytime you need to talk.
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replied July 1st, 2009
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sweetie i am 37 and have suffered since a very young age suicide and depression are the main killer inmy family. i lost my mother, g. father, g.g. father. aunt and mothers cousin to suicide. my brother was murdered my sister died of heart problems and my father who was a trucker after the army was missing a week before he was located . all befor i was 30. yes i know deppression. you need group therapy with people your age and older t. being around others who understand makes a world of difference. i learned to at an early age to find my own ways to help through those really bad days. i have a list of what i call "FEEL GOOD" movies try Anne of Green Gables its a really sweet feel good movie. read the bible it really does help. find other friends you need supporters not ignorers find that person in your class who keeps to themselves keeps their heads down and dont smile they are usually in the same boat and need a kindred spirit in their lives. talk to your teacher or guidence councelor who you feel closest to. your parents obviously arent there and i feel so sad for you about that . that is so wrong. try going to church you will always find a shoulder and an ear ready to help you and people your age in church have wonderfull personalities and loving natures. in the end it does get better but you have to want it to. i did i wasent going to let it get me i faught hand and foot to get better i always will find one reason to make it. mine was animals i volunteered at museums ans zoos and vet's. to be around them they show so much love especially if you save their lives. i uhave saved many an animal from death and showed them love and they in return gave me love its a great feeling. do this youll love having a purpose caring for something so fragile. write me anytime good luck sweetie your not alone.
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replied July 3rd, 2009
hi susan,

yes it does sound like you are depressed. i too suffer and have done for 20 years or so. starting in my teens like you due to various things happening in my family life. it's important like the other replies said to have some best friends your age or similar age. you also need to either open up to a counselor or work through everything else yourself, but until you do that then you will not be able cope in some way with the whole aspect of your depression.

it's important to talk to your doctor aswell as they can probably help you alot. you are not alone and the important thing is to learn how to cope with it and get through it to the other side. medication does help and it's not a weakness to try various ones. but you are young and so i'm not sure what they could put you on.

hope you start to feel a bit better soon

liz
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replied July 8th, 2009
Hi Susan,
you really are having a tough time. I have a feeling that your parents have no idea how badly you feel - you really need to talk to them. They are probably scared to ask as they may feel bad. Often we ignore things and hope its a passing phase. get all the help you can - talk to people who are in caring roles and get a health professionals help. You just need to be seen and heard and there are lots of people who would love to help you. You will have lots of hormones possibly making you feel lower than you ever have - I call them horrormones as they often seem to be in charge of our feelings. Do not suffer in silence get good help. I went to see an art therapist - she was wonderful and though i can't draw it felt great to be creative. Lots of love and hugs.
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replied August 2nd, 2019
Thank you for asking at Ehealth forum!

I read your question and I understand your concern.
Your symptoms are consistent with dysthymia.
I would suggest you antidepressant like escitalopram. Do regular exercise and mindfulness activities.
I hope it helps. Stay in touch with your healthcare provider for further guidance as our answers are just for education and counselling purposes and cannot be an alternative to actual visit to a doctor.
Take care
Khan
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