We live with his mother. For 2 years I have helped her and her husband. (She is 76 he was 80) he recently passed away. I helped take care of him so he did not have to be put in a nursing facility. I do a lot in her house (cleaning, cooking ,laundry) it is difficult because she has too much stuff in house, there is no room for any of our things. She is a pack rat/hoarder. The clutter is out of control. I wake up and the first thing I think of is dealing with it. He wants to live with her so she won't be alone and needs help etc. My mother is in poor health and lives in another state. She is unable to get out of house very much and when she does it is only for short periods (she has emphysema). I am with his mother on a daily basis all year. I only get to visit my mother once a year. His mother wants to go with me since her husband passed. I am very uncomfortable with this as I will have to wait on her at my moms and expected to take her places while there. When I visit my mom we stay at her house and visit. My husband says I could take his mother and go sight seeing etc. for a day or two while we are there. My mother is not able to go do that. I feel this is very rude to even expect of me as I have all year with his mother. Also the length of trip is dictated by her dog that urinates and defacates all over her house and will have to be boarded. (This dog pees on her bed and I am constantly having to clean her bedclothes) we cleaned her carpet and two weeks later you can't even tell it was cleaned. Am I wrong or being selfish because I don't want her to go with me to visit my mother? How do I say no? It will make my husband angry because he feels his mother should get whatever she wants and makes her happy.
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replied January 2nd, 2016
Active User, very eHealthy
I'm sorry to hear this. You have not been selfish and been giving of yourself already. The decision however is still up to you when you talk it over. How we wish things were different, but for now we only hope his mother thinks differently and changes some of old ways.
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