Medical Questions > Relationships > Relationships and Marriage Forum

Am I being overly sensitive? Should I be this upset?

My husband and I have been married ten years. We have two boys (ages 9 and 5). When we first met, he had few hobbies and we spent lots of time together. Since then, he has taken on golf, hunting, fishing, etc. we own a lake home about an hour away. He spends a night or two a week up there by himself or with friends. He spend most Friday and Saturday nights gone doing one of his hobbies or hanging with friends. The friends he hangs out with are for the most part unmarried and without kids. We rarely have a date night or spend quality time together. He comes home around noon on Sundays, and hangs out with us some then. (Usually still has to be preoccupied with cooking, watching a game or playing on his phone.) he says he feels like he spends plenty of time with us since he is home 3 or 4 weeknights. I don't feel this way since we both work. I get home and cook dinner, bathe kids, homework, sport activities, get them in bed, etc. We travel a lot, but rarely together. I go on trips with the kids or friends, and he goes on separate trips with friends. I have tried to do things with him in the past, but he says the only way he can decompress from work is to get away by himself or with friends for a while. It has gotten to where it is awkward when he is home. There is no connection. For the past 6 years, this has been the biggest source of conflict in our marriage. We have been in counseling for this and my loneliness in this marriage. I let him go as often and as much as he likes. The result of years of him escaping is that I no longer have that strong urge to have him around. I am lonely and crave the affection and attention of a man that he no longer is, and hasn't been for a long time. A ghost if you will. Recently, my one month old nephew came to temporarily stay with us. My husband and I had a Christmas Eve party. Between the party and all the Christmas Day toys, paper, etc., the house was a mess. I woke up the next morning really sick. I had caught a bug. I had also been up most of the night with my nephew. I HAD to go to work that day though. My husband gets up that morning, packs a bag, and heads to deer camp for two nights. Sick, I load up three kids and take them to my moms and go to work. I get off, get the kids, feed them and then stay up until 3 am cleaning the house. When my husband came home a couple of days later, I didn't give him a hard time about it at all (as I had been accustomed to just letting him go without complaint to keep the peace.). The next day I received a call that my grandmother might not make it through the night. My oldest son had already planned to have a sleepover that night. That morning I was running on little (if any) sleep over the past 3 days, was still sick, had four kids to watch and the possibility my grandmother might pass. What did my husband do? He packed up his golf stuff that morning and left until the next day. That night around 11:30, I received a text that my grandmother had passed. As I lay in a dark bedroom by myself crying, I realized just how lonely my marriage had become. When my husband came home, I was upset. He stewed all day and was mad. When I brought up that I didn't want to live like this anymore, he left and went back to the lake house, even as our 5 year old stood begging him not to go. I just don't know where to go from here? I'm not sure what the right move is. I want my kids to have a father, even if it is at the expense of my happiness, but I don't want them to mimic this marriage. Am I being unrationale like my husband says?
Did you find this post helpful?
|
Quick Reply