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Am I Anorexic, Bulimic or both?

At the start, I was 105, I got down to 95 just by eating less, like a sandwich could last me for 3 meals. It was harmless then, I just wanted to lose the extra weight I put on. When I got to 95, I stopped.

3 years later, the feelings came back. Fat. Ugly. Not good enough. Lose weight. I was about 98lbs then. I used to fast for days, and weeks. Literally not eat for days and restrict to about 200 when I do eat. I wanted to be 88lbs at first. As I started losing more, the feeling was so thrilling. Stepping on the scale and seeing the numbers go down. At 88lbs, I wanted to be 84, when I got to 84, I wanted to be 80lbs. If I could get past 84 and 80lbs, I'm sure I'd want to be 75lbs.

Somewhere around 84lbs, When my BMI hit 15.9, something in my head clicked. I felt sick by all my protruding ribs and bones, I lost weight from places I didn't have to lose but the areas I wanted to lose on aren't perfect enough. (besides restricting I workout and exercise). I started to eat more, (my period has stopped and eating more was a desperate attempt to bring it back) about 400-500 calories in food and 300-400 liquid calories. I gained weight, my current bmi is 16.3 and I cant stand it so I'm back to my old ways... to what works. Fasting, restricting, not eating. But even at my lowest weight, I still felt fat. I can't stand how my thighs look. I am forever checking my reflection in mirrors, weighing multiple times a day, checking my measurements. I'm pretty sure I have Body dysmorphia disorder.

So currently in my cycle of fasting, restricting, I have binge episodes where I mindlessly shove food into my mouth, feel utterly disgusted with myself when I stopped, take laxatives and not eat for the next few days before I start restricting again. I am trying to wean off being dependable on laxatives, it's been a few days since I last took them and I am feeling uneasy already.

I can't eat when I'm around my family, I get anxious when I'm eating in the kitchen and they appear out of no where. I feel angry that I was 'caught' eating and that anger usually leads me to feeling frustrated. The only place I can eat is in school with my friends because I don't want them to know.
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replied November 27th, 2010
From what you have written it sounds as though you're anorexic. You haven't said that you throw up after meals so that would cancel out bulimia, though it sounds like you have binge-eating disorder. But you have said that you abuse laxatives so that's a problem too. I'm not a doctor so I cannot diagnose you. I think you should see a doctor before you end up doing some serious damage to yourself.
You're periods have stopped, you may be doing irreparable damage to your fertility, meaning you may be damaging your ability to have children in the future.
Please get help, I don't want you to end up seriously damaging your body.
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replied March 4th, 2011
Tinylara,our case is 99% alike and so that you know you are not alone. I have been struggling for more than 2 years now and seems like things just going downhill. your post was from November 2010 and hope things are working out for you by now.
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