please someone talk to me. I'm scared I just need someone to talk to
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First Helper 099lives
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replied May 1st, 2012
What's on your mind?
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replied May 1st, 2012
Thank you so much for replying. The whole world around me scares me,its like I'm watching the world go by from the outside looking in. I get so frustrated, and scared,and feel I don't fit in here. Why do some people have to fight to exist? Sometimes the thought of suicide feels like my only escape, I'm scared of what my mind is capable of doing.
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replied May 2nd, 2012
I often feel scared of the world! Scared of irrational things, liked driving into the city, which most people just do without a thought. And I often feel like I'm waiting for my life to begin, for other people, it seems so easy, they meet so many friends, they fall into relationships...and for me, it's just so difficult, or impossible!

But I think it's important to be optimistic, even if things feel dark. Because this is our lives, we can't give up on it! There's nothing on the other side for us, so we must go forward, we can't go back! And we have so much to live for, we all have talents, things that we do well at.

what are some of the things that you struggle with? What makes you afraid?
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replied May 3rd, 2012
I just feel I was born with something missing, a kind of natural inner knowledge which gives us a place in the world. I get so angry with myself as I know there are people out there whos time on this planet is limited and would do anything for more time, and heres me wasting my existance away.
I'm so scared of getting close to people because everyone I get close to ends up getting hurt and I don't want that. Sometimes when I'm sitting on the bus or walking around a supermarket I believe people can see straight through me and see me for the intruder that I am to this planet,will they approach me? What do I say? if I communicate with them will that curse them?
I think the main thing I'm afraid of is this negative influence I seem to have over peoples lives. What right do I really have? to destroy so many lives when theres only one of me. Kill me and maybe hundreds will be saved.
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replied May 3rd, 2012
I don't think you're wasting your existence, why do you say that? And how are people close to you getting hurt?
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replied May 9th, 2012
A couple of years back I was in a relationship in which my partner was suffering from depression we only had each other and although I tried to get him help no one seemed to be prepared to help me or help him. I failed him, he deserved so much better.I blame myself for his death. I've also been blamed for the deaths of 3 other family members. I understand that we are all born to die, but I believe that if I wasn't involved in these peoples lives they would have lived a significant lot longer. This all makes me reluctant in forming relationships with people, and I feel selfish for wanting to form friendships with people because of the negative effect my presense has on peoples lives.
I am existing not living, I just don't fit in here.
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replied May 9th, 2012
I don't think you can be blamed for failing others. As you said, you tried to help him and in the end, that's all anyone can ask for. As for mistakes that are intentional or unintentional, we all make mistakes, big or small, and the best thing we can do is move on from them and do better next time. How could you be blamed for any of this? You don't need your past following around.

And I believe your involvement in other people's lives is through good intentions, you can't control what others do.
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Tags: alone, Depression
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