Medical Questions > Relationships > Single and Struggling Forum

Alone and starting to feel it. Self image as well.

So I have been single for over 3 years now. It is finally starting to bother me a bit. I currently live alone and do things alone many days. I have some friends and we do hang out but I feel like I am missing something. I guess I feel like a g/f would be nice. I am not sure why it finally clicked and I started to stress over it but it is now apparent.

I do go out and socialize and talk with women. I have also tried the online thing but feel it is not that good. I am REALLY starting to feel like my physical stature is my limiting factor. Facial aesthetics are normal I think. But I am very short for a guy (165cm) and only weight 61kg.

I am starting to harbor a lot of ill will towards ALL females based on my interactions with some. I know it is stupid to generalize to an entire population based off a small sample. But, I have been hearing a lot recently how I am too short, our babies will be short, I can't wear heels, you can have a small penis but you can't be short to date me, would you want to date yourself if you were a girl?, etc. etc. (I could add many more)

It is really starting to get to me. I think my confidence level is at an all time low and I feel like there is no one out there who can look past something I can not control. I am becoming very cynical, as I said, towards women and I am starting to view them as worthless, soulless, pretentious creatures. I know this is a horrible attitude and I do not want to go all the way and just hate everyone, including myself. Just hard to rationalize that it is ok for women to wear make, get plastic surgery, do their nails, hair, etc. all to look as good as possible...but it is NOT ok for me to be short even though I can do nothing to change that. Cant go to a plastic surgeon or a makeups store for that. I think it is the hypocritical double standard that is really starting to bug me.

I know this post is a little unorganized but if anyone can offer any advice on how to not become so cynical that I can never trust or respect women ever again, please advise me. It would be greatly appreciated. Also, how to stop being so critical of myself cause I think being so negative not only interferes with my life but with lives of those I care about around me as I am sure they do not appreciate my attitude and always be a downer.
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replied August 7th, 2012
Dear abysm, Let me give you some advice.

Viewing women as worthless, souless, pretentious creatures is not going to help you. There are some very very sweet big/ less physically attractive women out there who really just want a man who makes them feel good. You could live your life with one such woman without having to change yourself or looking very hard. If you have to have a good looking woman then you better make yourself appealing to them as well. How is it fair for you to pick a good looking woman but for them not to be able to pick a good looking guy? You have to accept how shallow you yourself are, and then understanding that accept them for the way they are.

It seems you have a shortcoming in terms of height, but understand what you can control and do better. Here, read this.
http://ehealthforum.com/health/forever-des pairingly-alone-lets-beat-it-t357857.html

There will always be girls that will turn you down for your looks and money, but by making yourself more attractive to them you will greatly increase your chances of success. Women want a good looking and sophisticated guy, accept that and work for it.

Do your best man, you can do it. I hope you and everyone else find a nice girl some day.
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replied August 7th, 2012
I hope I didn't make it sound like I only talk to the elite looking women. That is def. NOT true. Recently I have tried to focus on women who probably get approached less often than the norm and they still have the same expectations. I never meant to imply that I am worthy of a 10/10 yet women shouldn't want the same. That would be stupid and hypocritical. It is quite the opposite, in that I am a very open minded individual and can look past most things. You say less attractive/big women...even they turn me down.

And I do not view them as such yet. I meant that I am starting to notice something of those views starting to form and, as I said, I know that is wrong and I wish to avoid it going 100%.

But, I appreciate your reply and I hope mine cleared up some unclear things in my original post. Thanks.
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replied August 7th, 2012
Also, thanks for the link. You def have many valid points. I was going to the gym but a back injury has since caused that to cease. I will be back there soon though, and with a vengeance that burns deep to better myself. Thanks again.
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replied October 2nd, 2012
Absym28 , as a woman I think height and looks aren't everything but a great personality is , humour , and happiness are attractive to women , maybe your cynicism is showing a little? I wonder if you took the pressure off of yourself and just went out to have fun then maybe miss right would notice you ? It's hard when you get rejected , it hurts and it sucks and people can be shallow but for every shallow person there a genuine nice person out there too.
Don't give up on women or yourself!
God bless
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