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Almost 28 years old, never had a girlfriend...

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Hi guys,

I am in a real slump in my life at the moment and I just do not know what to do. I will be turning 28 in a few months and I HAVE NEVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND in my entire life! Never! I also have never had sex, or for that matter, EVEN KISSED A GIRL ON THE LIPS!!!

Over the years there have been times when I thought I met a girl who was interested in me.... but she wasn't really. when I tell her I like her as more than a friend and want to start something serious with her I usually get an answer that is a variation of the old "I really love you... as a friend/brother" line!

It is getting to be soul-destroying! I am so worried that I will never find a girlfriend in my entire life, because at 27, I already severely lack the necessary relationship and flirting and sexual skills that all of my peers have!

It has also become very embarrassing... occasionally a friend or colleague will ask me "how long were you with your last girlfriend for?" and rather than awkwardly tell them "I have never had a girlfriend in my entire life" I just make something up, say something like "we broke up last year" because it is easier and less confronting than saying the truth!

I have even asked girl "friends" (friends being the keyword) if there is anything off-putting or repulsive about me that is turning them off dating me and they ALL invariably say something like "no... you are a great guy, a great catch. Any girl would be lucky to have you.... but you are not 'my type'" - I have been rejected with this line SO MANY TIMES now that I actually believe that they are lying because if I was really "such a catch", as they claim, I would have been able to find AT LEAST ONE willing girl in my life... at least one!!!! And yet I have never in my entire life found one girl who is willing to be romantic with me!!!

This is a huge slump I am in and in has led to me being majorly depressed and despondent.... while all my peers are out partying on weekends, having sex, I am at home watching movies! :(

Has anyone been in the same situation? What do you do? Is there anyway out of it or will I just have to resign myself to a life alone? I don't want to be alone forever but I can see no light at the end of the tunnel! What do you do?
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replied September 4th, 2011
I would feel extremely lucky if I had a bf like you. I'd rather have one who is good than the player who bangs every chick in town. But chemistry and attraction plays a huge part in most relationships. It seems that you haven't encountered the girl that would match your attraction energy. For example, a hot blonde guy may look ordinary or uninteresting to a girl who digs a black haired guy. Each human has different preferences wired to their subconscious brains. So do not fret. One way or another your vibrational match will find somebody, somewhere.

Also are you confident or shy? Confidence is a huge factor to consider. Even if you haven't got a gf you can still be confident enough to know that you choose substance over casual meaningless relationship. It means you have your values and integrity intact. A rarity nowadays.
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replied September 2nd, 2012
Relationships can be a complicated thing. Trust me I have a similar situation. I'm also going on 28 and lived single my whole life. These things can't forced is what I find to be accurate.

If you go everyday of your life wondering why your alone and why girls or guys don't like you eventually you'll burn yourself out. Not only that you are putting a negative vibe about yourself out there that many people pick up.

Took me an extreme amount of time to break the cycle. I had an account with almost every dating site you can think of paying thousands a month to try to find love when I asked myself why am I doing this? Love is free, not something I should pay for.

For me personally it was a lack of social skills that does it. I put myself to the test all the time. Trying to force myself to be more social. And after a few years of practice just now am I starting to pick it up. And allow myself to be who I am really am. Instead of the nervous wreck I always was.

Here is my advice. Take it easy is first. Don't burn yourself out on wanting relationship so badly. Take up some hobbies. Find things you have interest in. And do these things. You'll see that the more you start focusing on other things the easier it'll be on you on the long run. Remember that love and relationships come naturally. From what I've seen is that the people that usually fall in love weren't even looking for love. It just happened at the right time in the right place.

Put out a positive vibe about yourself by being yourself. What I mean is deep inside who are you? What are the pro's and con's about you? What are your hobbies the things you do for fun, what do you enjoy doing with friends etc... Here is something that may help. Take a sheet of paper. Fold it in half. One side label it pro's. One side label it con's.. And write everything good about yourself. One the con side write everything you don't like about yourself but don't read into it. Just write it as it comes to you. At the end tear the paper in half. Throw away the con's. And think of it as you just getting rid of everything you don't like about yourself. And focus on the pro's. Take in all the good. And read that everyday. At first it might feel like a big joke but keep reading it. You'll see eventually it'll get to you.

I hope this helps, and from one average person to another, I wish you the best of luck! Smile
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